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5 Quick And Easy Ways To Protect Your Home From Intruders

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 19 Comments

Inside: 5 things you can do now to protect your home from intruders and keep your family safe.

I never thought I’d have to write this. I wasn’t even sure if I should, but after how our neighbors reacted when I shared what happened to my family I realized I had to tell everyone.

On Sunday morning at 4 a.m., my family was violated in the worst way. We were robbed.

My husband and I had enjoyed a nice dinner out for Valentine’s Day and we got home late. We had a great time and went to bed feeling like we were on top of the world.

My mother-in-law was babysitting and she was spending the night. We don’t have an actual guest bedroom right now, so she was sleeping in the kids’ bed and they were sleeping on the couch downstairs. They love to “camp out” downstairs, so we usually let them on the weekends anyway.

The kids were literally a foot from where the intruder came in.

My husband and I woke up to our 5-year-old screaming that the burglar alarm was going off. We didn’t even hear it!

Luckily our alarm company responded right away. My husband ran downstairs and found the door to our back deck wide open. He shouted, “The police need to come!”

I’ll never forget hearing those words come out of his mouth. The alarm company dispatched the authorities and stayed on the phone with me while we waited for them to come.

My husband checked the garage and realized the garage door was open, so they must have left that way once the alarm went off.

When the police came, they asked for our IDs. We realized we couldn’t find our wallets anywhere and then we knew that they had been stolen.

We’re so lucky that’s all they took. We’re lucky they didn’t see our kids sleeping on the couch and freak out. They entered and exited our home so quickly, the kids didn’t even see them. We’re lucky for that too.

I’m angry more than anything.

It doesn’t even make sense why someone would go through all the trouble of breaking into someone’s home to steal a wallet. They used one of our credit cards to spend $87 at a gas station. What did they even buy for $87 at a gas station?

Luckily our bank recognized the transaction as potential fraud and alerted us right away. We canceled all of our credit cards before they could spend any more money. I hope that whatever they bought with that $87 was worth it!

I hope it was worth a family losing sleep because they don’t feel safe in their own home anymore.

Hopefully it was worth putting an anxious mom on edge so that she is constantly looking out the window at every car passing by.

I hope it was worth causing a dad to feel like he has to sleep downstairs with a crow bar to protect his family.

Clearly they have no heart for how it feels to have this happen to you.

I’d heard it before. That you feel violated. I’m not naive. I know that break-ins happen every day. According to Safeatlast.com, there are 10,000 burglaries in the U.S. every day.

Intruder breaking into a home

Here are a few other facts about break-ins that might surprise you:

10 Statistics About Burglaries

  • There are 2.5 Million burglaries per year, 66% of which are home break-ins
  • A burglary occurs every 13 seconds
  • According to the FBI, 65% of burglaries happen between 6 a.m. and 6 p.m.
  • Homes without a security system have a 300% more chance of getting broken into
  • 65% of burglars know their victims!
  • 85% of burglaries are committed by non-professionals
  • 65% of burglaries occur during the day to reduce the chance of someone being home
  • An average break-in lasts between 8 and 10 minutes
  • According to the FBI, the average loss per burglary is $2,416
  • Only 17% of US homes have a security system

Something good has to come out of all of this though. I’m not the only one that felt like it would never happen to me. That’s why I’m sharing our story.

So many of our neighbors have gotten security cameras and alarm systems over the past 4 days. If they haven’t, they are seriously considering it.

We had let our guard down. Having our home broken into, made us realize all the things we needed to do to put it back up. Learn from our mistakes and do everything you can to make sure your home isn’t an easy target for intruders.

I’m not saying that by doing these things, your house will never be broken in to. But there was less than 1 minute and from the time our door was broken, to the time these people peeled out of our driveway. Once the burglar alarm went off, they were gone in less than 40 seconds.

5 WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR HOME FROM INTRUDERS NOW

1. GET AN ALARM.

You can get a security system for as little as $9.99 a month. That’s the price of 2 coffees from Starbucks. Your home is 300% more likely to get broken into without it!

a security system that could be used to protect your home from intruders

2. SET YOUR ALARM TO GO OFF IMMEDIATELY IF THERE IS AN INTRUSION

We had ours set to delay for 30 seconds once the door was open when we were home, because we were always forgetting it was on and opening the garage door.

Chances are if it had gone off immediately, the burglar would have never come in our home. 30 seconds might not seem like long, but count for 30 seconds now. Think of all the things you could grab in your home with 30 seconds.

3. DON’T LEAVE VALUABLES, ESPECIALLY YOUR PURSE OR WALLET, VISIBLE TO INTRUDERS

You might think that your things are safe in your home. But we had left our wallets laying on the table with the blinds open right where the burglar broke into our home.

It only took 5 seconds for them to grab our wallets, probably even less than that. Who knows, but we think they probably shined a flashlight into the window and saw the wallets, making our home an easy target.

4. INSTALL CAMERAS NEAR EVERY DOOR

This may seem like overkill, but we HAD a camera by our front door. From what we can tell, the burglar never went in the front yard. They likely didn’t even know that we had a security system, because they went straight to the back door.

We now have a camera by every door, so at least if someone tries to break in we will get an alert.

5. INSTALL MOTION LIGHTS

We actually had a motion light near the door that was broken into, but we aren’t 100% sure that it was on. Another lesson learned the hard way.

I hope that this never happens to you, but according to statistics, 87% of break-ins are preventable. So please at the very least, don’t be naive. Know that it can happen to you and do something to protect your home from intruders now.

Share in the comments if you have any other tips to prevent break-ins.

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How To Get Your Kids To Listen Without Yelling

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 23 Comments

For the past year and a half, we’ve been taking my 5 year old to different specialists trying to figure out how to deal with his sinus issues. Apparently he takes after me with eustachian tube issues, which causes fluid to build up in his ears.

When that happens he feels like he’s underwater and can have a hard time hearing people speak from far away. He’s a boy and he’s also only 5. So it’s hard to discern when he isn’t following directions because he can’t hear me or if he’s choosing not to.

Yesterday, I took him to the ENT because I thought maybe he couldn’t hear me again. BUT, that little stinker passed the hearing test with flying colors. The doctor said his ears looked better than they did the last time we were there a few months ago. The audiologist commented that it must be selective hearing and that she couldn’t help me with that. She said if she could figure out how to she would be a millionaire.

I walked away from the appointment feeling a little embarrassed. Especially when I had just finished having a conversation with the nurse practitioner about how I have a parenting blog. But I swallowed my pride and took it as an opportunity to step back and think about how to handle the fact that my children don’t listen to me.

I’ve actually been pretty frustrated recently with both of my kids, because when I ask them to do something they whine, complain, ask “WHY“?, and try to negotiate with me about what they should do instead. My mom even offered to give them $20 to use at their school’s upcoming holiday shop if they can go a week without arguing or trying to negotiate with me.

Getting Your Kids To Listen Using Positive Reinforcement

Behavior chart that helps with getting your kids to listen using positive reinforcement

RECOGNIZE THE FEELING

It’s important to help your child see that you get them and that you aren’t totaling ignoring how they feel. Life is hard and if we teach our kids to learn how to express their feelings when they are young, we’ll help set them up for success later in life. It’s been my experience that if you ignore the fact that a 5 year old isn’t listening to you because they’re more interested in what they’re doing, it will only make things worse. He’ll just feel frustrated and will likely do one of two things:

1). He’ll stuff his feelings and end up resenting you.

2). He will have a meltdown trying to test if you’ll give in and let him do what he wants.

Instead, you can recognize the feeling and try to help your child deal with it. My 7 year old was getting really discouraged about having to restart the 7 day clock to earn the $20 my mom promised. He said that if he had to keep starting over, he’d rather just give up. So I reminded him that it’s hard to change a habit and that we could figure out a way for him to do it.

I saw that he was holding his breath and trying really hard not to argue with me when I reminded him about the deal. So I said, “That’s it! Do that, when you’re frustrated. You can put it in a bubble or hold it in your mouth instead of saying what you want to say out loud.” I also told him that he could count to 5 or count to 10 if he needed to.

When getting your kids to listen you should recognize which of these feelings they have

GIVE A CUE

We also decided that I would give him a cue if I thought he might try to argue with me about something, but that I would only do this once a day. If I had to remind him more than once then he would have to start over.

So we decided that I would say, “poop” because….well he’s a boy and that’s what he wanted the cue to be. I had to bite my tongue and not interject that I thought that was the worst idea, because I knew it would also kind of make him laugh if he heard me say poop.

Getting your kids to listen makes moms feel happy

NOTICE THE GOOD

This morning when I was helping my 5 year old get dressed, I tried this strategy. I got a good night’s sleep last night so I think I was being a little more patient than normal. Plus, we weren’t in a huge rush to get out the door like we are on school mornings so that probably helped a bit.

When my son turned off his iPad when I asked without complaining I said, “I like the way you did that without complaining!” The more times I can catch him doing what I want and point it out to him, the more likely he is to continue doing it.

Using positive reinforcement, like praise can help you increase the behavior that you want (in this case listening to you). Your child’s brain will start to connect the action with the reward. Then they will hopefully start to do it more often on their own.

I hope this helps you get your kids to listen to you. If not then hopefully at least you can appreciate my parenting struggles and maybe get a laugh at my expense!

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The Best Positive Parenting Strategy For Getting Kids To Listen

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 11 Comments

Recently I polled my readers in my facebook group about what parenting topic they’d like to read about. Several moms responded with something to the tune of, “Help me with my stubborn child!” I had to laugh because I didn’t really have an answer. This is something I struggle with almost daily.

I think that’s mainly due to the fact that I myself can be pretty stubborn. My husband and I butt heads, because we are both stubborn and neither one of us wants to give in even when we’re wrong. So unfortunately I think my children are doomed to inherit some of our stubborn traits.

Being stubborn or strong-willed as a child isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. It could even be an indicator of future success according to a research study published by the American Psychological Association. But as a parent it can be really frustrating. Approaching stubbornness using positive parenting solutions can help.

I’ll never forget a time years ago when a mom I was babysitting for asked her son if he wanted a spanking. I laughed to myself when he said yes. Then he continued to misbehave and she had backed herself into a corner.

The only way she could deal with his misbehavior in that moment was to spank him. The option for him to make a good choice and change his behavior was pretty slim, since she had already set him up to fail.

Granted, he could have said no and made the decision to stop throwing toys at his brother, but he didn’t. Sometimes the way we say things as parents can set our kids up to fail and we don’t even realize it.

Different Parenting Styles

Just like the world is full of different types of people, there are different styles for parenting kids. Depending on your personality and your upbringing you may lean towards one or the other.

I prefer to use logical consequences and positive parenting styles. Since I’m realizing my kids have sensitive personalities, I also try to avoid yelling as much as possible. (Although, let’s be real, I do lose my cool and yell sometimes, especially when I’m trying to get them out the door.)

I also don’t believe in spanking my children. I’m not going to get into too much detail about why now, but I don’t think it helps. I also don’t want my children to grow up to be afraid of me.

When I was working towards becoming a registered play therapist, I learned about child psychologist Garry Landreth. I quickly realized that the way he approached parenting and therapy with children aligned with me. He believes that if we can understand the way a child sees the world, then it will help us understand why they behave the way they do.

The Choices, Cookies, & Kids Method

Landreth developed the positive parenting solution Choices, Cookies, & Kids when his 3 year old daughter had her hand in the cookie jar. He realized that in order for her to become a successful adult later in life, she needed to learn how to make the right choice on her own.

So instead of blurting out his usual response, “No, you can’t eat all the cookies,” he decided to give her a choice. He told her that she could choose to eat 1 cookie or that she could choose to eat none of the cookies.

Choices, Cookies & Kids involves using statements that help your child learn how to control their own behavior. If we are always telling our children what they can and can’t do, they’ll never learn resposibility. And it will be harder for them to know how to react when we aren’t there to tell them what to do.

HOW TO OFFER CHOICES:

  1. Offer two choices. One of the choices will be the “right choice” and one will be the “wrong choice” that will result in a consequence.
  2. Follow through with the consequence. Make sure to do what you said you would if your child chooses the wrong choice.

For example: Instead of saying, “Do you want a spanking?” the mom I mentioned before could have said this:

“It’s not ok to throw toys at your brother. You have two choices:

1). You can either play nicely with your cars and choose to continue playing with them,

OR

2) You can choose to keep throwing cars at your brother and choose to have them taken away.”

Notice, how many times I used the word choice or choose. This is key, because it reminds your child that you are putting the responsibility on them.

USING CHOICES TO MANAGE TANTRUMS:

Now let’s say that your child is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, because they want you to buy them a toy. If you wanted to use this method instead of simply saying no, you would say something like this:

“I can see that you really want a toy, but we’re not getting any toys today. If you choose to scream you will be choosing not to watch tv for the rest of the day. If you choose NOT to scream and yell, you will be choosing to watch TV when we get home.”

If your child continues to throw a fit, then you would respond with, “You’ve chosen to give up TV for the rest of the day.”

If your child stops crying and calms down, then you would say, “You’ve chosen not to yell and scream, and now you can watch TV today!”

** You can use whichever consequence will have the most affect on your child. I allow my kids 1 hour of “tech time” a day and they really look forward to it. So I use this consequence most of the time, because I know it will usually work.

MAKING IT WORK

Be sure to be consistent and follow through with the consequence. If you don’t do what you’ve said you are going to do and allow your child to watch tv later in the day, this won’t work.

This may be really hard at first. It may seem like it’s too much trouble and you might feel like it would be easier to revert back to your old way of handling misbehavior. Any change is hard and your child will need to see you follow through with this technique a few times before they learn how it works.

IT’S WORTH IT

For me, the challenge to adjust my thinking is worth it. Using positive parenting strategies helps strengthen my relationship with my kids, because they feel heard and understood. When I’m using these positive strategies instead of reverting to yelling and threatening, everyone in my family is happier! Who doesn’t want that?

Let me know in the comments if you try this and how it works!

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6 Reasons To Stop Cleaning Your House Before Play Dates

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 21 Comments

Ok I know what you’re probably thinking. Not another one of those blogs where she tells me to do the opposite of what I really should do- like the one about how to have fun at the playground. Because, why would I tell you to stop cleaning your house?

I’m serious this time though. Let me tell you why.

I’m in a local moms club and we have play groups where groups of us with kids who are close in age meet up once a week. A few months ago, I was at playgroup at a friend’s house. One of the other moms commented on how clean the house was.

She said, “It looks like no kids live here! I really wish other moms wouldn’t clean up so much before we come over. It just makes me feel worse about how messy my house is!”

This is not the first time I’ve heard a mom say that. In fact I remember hearing people say the same thing when I started doing playgroups almost 5 years ago. As much as I agree, it’s so hard for me to do!

I remember a few years ago when my son had his first play date without me at a friend’s house. It looked like a cheerio bomb had gone off and there were toys everywhere.

At first I was a little shocked, but then the mom apologized for the state of her home. In my head I was thinking, “Thank you! Thank you for not cleaning up. Thank you for making me feel better about my own house.”

Stop Obsessing Over The Mess

Yesterday, a mom friend and her two kids were coming over for a playdate. All day I was obsessing about what a mess my house was. I started to notice all the piles of board games and coloring books that I needed to go through and reorganize.

stop cleaning your house before play dates because it will just get messy again

Then I realized I was letting myself get too stressed out about cleaning my house for a play date.

I remembered the conversation I had with my friend at playgroup and decided to try to let some of the mess go. Of course I ended up still cleaning up some of it. But I took some of the pressure off myself for my house to be spotless.

The funny thing is, when my friend came over I really don’t think she even noticed the mess. I had planned to apologize to her about how my house was a disaster, but when I looked around it didn’t even look that bad!

The more I think about this, there are so many reasons you shouldn’t clean your house before a play date. Here are just a few:

WHY YOU SHOULD STOP CLEANING YOUR HOUSE BEFORE PLAY DATES

It Makes Others Feel Guilty

If you host a play date at your house and it’s spotless, your friends will probably feel like my mom friend did at play group.

They might wonder how you have it all together and question why they can’t seem to ever keep their own house clean. Outside of their being food all over the floor and bugs everywhere, your friends will feel more comfortable if it’s a little messy!

Someone Has To Break The Cycle

It only takes one person in your circle of friends to not clean their house before the play date to give others permission to do the same. But if you do clean up, then the cycle will keep going and everyone else will feel like they have to. So, be the one to break the cycle.

As hard as it is sometimes, it actually feels pretty liberating to let some of the mess go. Plus, if your friends are going to judge you for the state of your house cleanliness, are they really true friends anyway?

It Takes Away From Your Kids

Always stressing out about cleaning your house takes away from the time that you could be spending with your kids.

No mom has ever looked back on her life and regretted spending too much time with her kids.

As hard as it is to let the mess go in the moment, you will miss out on so many experiences with your family if your constantly cleaning.

It’s Just Going To Get Messy Again

Unfortunately, even if you do clean up, your house is just going to get messy again. A fun play date ends with toys everywhere and dress-up clothes off their hangers. It means that the toys were actually played with.

Kids making a mess on a playdate which is why you should stop cleaning your house before playdates

No One Will Notice Your Mess

We always notice the things we don’t like about ourselves more than others do. The same goes for the things we don’t like about our homes. Chances are no one but you will notice the crayon marking on the wall behind your couch or the crumbs of food under your dining room table.

Yesterday, my friend never batted an eye about the mess in my house. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought anyway.

Too Clean Is Not Realistic

Do you really want your friends wondering if you actually live there because your house is TOO clean? Kids learn by making messes. They wouldn’t have the experience of making cookies with you if you didn’t let them make a mess in the kitchen with the flour.

Kids make a mess when they play too. They have to dump out the whole bin of action figures to find the exact one they are looking for. They need to line up every single hot wheels car to have a car race, or else it just isn’t the same! Let them live!

We might have a slight toy car addiction!

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How To Fill Your Child’s Emotional Cup

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 7 Comments

Have you ever noticed that when you’re busy your child seems to need your attention more? You’re probably not imagining it! When you aren’t giving your child attention, they might feel like their emotional cup isn’t being filled. Let’s talk about how to fill your child’s cup.

I’ve noticed over the past few weeks that my 5-year-old has been extra needy. I thought once school started it would get easier, but now he’s cranky and challenging me even more when he gets home from school. 

I remember learning somewhere in my training to be a therapist that if you’re feeling annoyed by a child, they’re probably needing your attention.

So I’ve been trying to let my son help with little tasks and include him in making dinner when I can. Somehow that always seems to backfire though!

Making Lemonade

Last week for example, he noticed a lemon on the counter and asked if we could make lemonade. I was hesitant because I knew how messy it would be. Then I remembered a few days earlier I had told him that maybe we could make homemade lemonade one day. So I reluctantly agreed.

I let him squeeze the lemon juice into a cup and then pour it into water bottles for he and his brother. He seemed to be having fun but insisted on adding more sugar. I could feel my temperature start to boil as I envisioned the sugar getting all over the floor. 

I tried to take a few deep breaths and remember that I was doing this to connect with him. Fortunately, no sugar was spilled, but my son didn’t really like the lemonade because it was too sour!

After we made lemonade we went to Barnes and Noble to pick out a book. Both my sons had earned a free book for completing their summer reading program.

You wouldn’t believe how difficult this little outing was!

They were fighting over who got their shoes on first before we even got out the door. When we got there, my 5-year-old wanted a book that wasn’t on the “free book” list. He repeatedly asked why he couldn’t pick out a different book.

Despite multiple threats to leave with nothing, they eventually decided on their free books and we got back into the car to head home. My 7-year-old accidentally sat in the opposite booster seat that he rode in on the way there and unknowingly drank the rest of his brother’s lemonade.

You would have thought he killed his dog! The waterworks ensued and just when I thought he was over it, the 7-year-old shouted, “Heyyyyy!!!!!!! Charlie!!!!!”

The 5-year-old had poured the little lemonade that he had left onto the 7-year-old’s head. I was livid! I was so over his misbehavior at that point that I invoked the smack down of all punishments- no tech time!

Commence World War 3

Let me just say that the car ride home was way less pleasant than on the ride to the bookstore where both kids were happily drinking their homemade lemonade and dreaming of the new book they’d soon be getting.

Child who looks angry and needs their cup filled

Not only that, I then had to deal with the ramifications of taking away the 5-year-old’s screen time while his big brother still got to have his. It felt like more of a punishment on me, then towards him.

I began to think maybe trying to go somewhere as simple as the bookstore in the afternoon on the first week of school was too much? Was I being too harsh?

A few minutes later, my husband came home from work and I was practically in tears. He gave me a break and took the boys out for pizza so that I wouldn’t have to cook and I stayed home to try to relax a little.

When I have free time, I often find myself looking at Pinterest so that’s what I was doing when I stumbled across this picture. It all started to make more sense! You can find the downloadable pdf here: https://upbility.net/blogs/news/the-emotional-cup#comments.

How to fill your child's emotional cup, what empties the cup, and ways children deal with an empty cup.

My 5-year-old was acting out because he needed his cup filled. He was exhibiting all of the signs listed!

Ways That Children Deal With Having An Empty Cup

  1. They steal from other people’s cups or steal from their happiness- like when my son poured the lemonade on his brother’s head.
  2. Misbehave to get your attention and show that they need a refill. This was definitely happening!
  3. Seem to have bottomless cups, or need constant “topping off.” Do you ever feel like the more attention you give your child, the more they seem to need? It’s because their cup is empty and far from being “full.” So adding a little attention (even when it feels like a lot to you) isn’t enough.

What Empties The Cup?

The cup is a metaphor for emotions, so if a child’s cup is full they are content and happy. What leads to an empty cup will vary for each child. I eventually realized that my son’s cup was probably feeling empty because he was stressed by the start of a new school year.

He was having to make all new friends and adjust to a new routine in a new classroom. It might have even felt a little lonely for him. He was also definitely exhausted from having to get up super early and spend 7 hours in school.

How To Fill Your Child’s Cup

So now that I know his emotional cup is running on empty, here are a few ways I can try to fill it:

1. Encourage Play

It would be so easy to let him watch tv or his iPad when he gets home from school to veg out, but I’ve tried to maintain consistent play dates at least once a week and encourage him to actually play with his toys with his brother.

2. One on One Time

Last week my oldest had a play date at a friend’s house so my youngest and I were able to have some 1:1 time. We went to a splash pad, got ice cream, and went on a play ground for a while. It was challenging for a bit, because his cup was so low that he demanded even more of my attention now that he was getting it.

But I know that it was just what he needed and we did have a good time. Plus, it’s so much easier to manage one of my kids compared to having both of them by myself!

3. Love and Affection

I’ve always tried to tell my kids I love them, but I’m working on making a more conscious effort to say it more often.

4. Connection and Friendship

My son got to have several of his school friends over this weekend for his birthday and I’ve seen a huge difference in his behavior. It’s probably a combination of all of these things, but I know that being the center of attention helped fill his cup.

5. Doing What They Love To Do

How often do you let your child choose the activity for a family outing, without influencing their decision at all? This is a hard one, but can really help fill their cup and will be worth it in the long run!

If you think your child’s cup may be empty, think about whether they may be experiencing stress, loneliness, or fatigue. Then you can implement some of these strategies to fill their cup back up. Let me know which ones work for you!

5 tips for filling your child's emotional cup with mom reading to child

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When Life Throws You Lemons, It’s Ok To Not Make The Lemonade

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 6 Comments

You know that saying, “When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade?” Recently, I felt like I’d had a bucket of lemons thrown at me and this time I did’t want to be Positive Patty about my situation.

It wasn’t working overtime 3 weekends in a row in April that killed me. It wasn’t even the fact that my husband traveled 3 out of 4 weeks in May that set me over the edge.

I survived the 1st grade field trip to the Puppetry Arts Center; kudos to the teachers that take care of my kids every day. I met with both of my kids’ teachers to hear about their progress this year and helped plan the 1st grade end of the year party.

I attended the pre-k party and two awards ceremonies. Plus I toted my kids to swim practice for an hour and 45 minutes after school every day the last two weeks of school.

Then I even made dinner, put them to bed, did the dishes and laundry. All the while by myself as my husband was out of town. 

The first day of summer break started with my kids waking up at 5 a.m. and fighting non-stop.

I soon started to question my decision to go back to being a stay-at-home mom for the summer.

Then we spent the entire weekend at the pool. We got to catch up with friends and get some natural vitamin D. My son and I both were even doing back dives off the diving board.

Things were looking up.

The next day was the first “official day of Summer” (the day after Memorial Day) and my 4 year old broke his arm jumping on the bed.

Because of the severity of the break, he couldn’t get a waterproof cast. So my dreams of spending the summer at the pool with my friends went out the window faster than I can say, “Yay Summer, ” (insert eye roll).

breaking an arm is when life throws you lemons

Don’t get me wrong, I know it could be worse. I know I should be grateful  this didn’t happen during the last week of school madness.

I should be grateful it didn’t happen when my hubby was out of town. And that even though his arm is broken in two places and the bone was bent, at least the bones were still intact.

At least he still has one good arm, and he didn’t have to have surgery to put pins in, but it still sucks!

And I’m giving myself permission right now to have a little pity party that life has thrown me a bucket of lemons and to be mad about our current situation.

Tomorrow I will put my happy face back on for my boy and tell him it’s going to be ok. I’ll find something fun for us to do that doesn’t involve water or being outside in the heat. Something that doesn’t involve running, climbing or jumping.

I’ll give him an extra hug and tell him how much I love him.  That I’m here to help him navigate the challenges of playing legos, going potty, and eating ice cream with his left hand.

I’m also going to give myself grace to be ok with a little extra tech time this summer.

The grace to be a little jealous when everyone’s social media feed is covered in pool photos and we have to miss all the neighborhood pool parties.

Sometimes, when life throws you lemons, it’s ok to throw them out with the trash. You don’t always have to make lemonade.

I’m not in control.

Part of me thinks maybe God just wanted to remind me that he’s in control and I am not.

I think I jinxed myself when I had a little mommy meltdown on that first Friday school was out.

I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with my kids about how they were going to treat each other. We discussed that they were going to have to earn tech time with good behavior and doing school work.

Then 5 minutes later they were hitting each other, and I screamed, “I feel like I have no control!”

Yep, that’s what I get for trying to control my kids and make them sit quietly in the car.

The reality is that kids will be kids and all I can do is try to do the best I can.

Although this summer may not be what I had pictured in my mind, it will be ok. I’ll make the best of it. The cast is only temporary and this too shall pass.

Plus, luckily I have my village of moms to help me get through it.

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Using Art To Talk When Kids Lose A Pet

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 8 Comments

Losing a pet is something you never want to deal with, but unfortunately it’s part of having them. When you add kids into the mix, this can be even harder. Finding the words to talk to your kids when you’re dealing with your own grief can feel overwhelming! But this art activity can make it easier for kids to share their feelings without having to push them to talk. 

When we had to say goodbye to our dog Andre after having him for almost 14 years, I learned how to do this the hard way. Even as a former child therapist, I had no idea how to talk to my kids about death. I’d never had to do it before. Plus I didn’t want to say anything that would upset them more. We had talked about our loved ones who are in heaven, but they all passed away before they were born.

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My mom is a retired elementary art teacher and although I’m not as talented as her, I do have a love for art. When we don’t have the words to talk about how we’re feeling, we can use art to express ourselves and uncover emotions that we didn’t even know existed. Young children haven’t developed the words to express how they’re feeling and art is a great way to help them do that!

Using “Color Your Heart” to Process Losing A Pet

Color Your Heart is an activity that I used often in my play therapy practice. What I love about this activity is that it’s super simple and doesn’t require any artistic talent. It also helps you name your emotions, which is a great way to help kids develop empathy. Here’s how to do it:  

Step 1: Lay The Groundwork

First, I asked my boys if they wanted to do an activity with me. Sometimes they’re really excited about doing crafty activities and sometimes it’s a struggle to get them onboard. Luckily this time they were interested and it didn’t take much convincing. 

Step 2: Gather Your Supplies 

Next, I got out a few sheets of blank paper and some crayons. On each sheet of paper I drew a large heart and a few small boxes to the side.

Step 3: Name Your Feelings

I started with my youngest because I knew that he was likely to copy whatever his brother said, and I wanted to get genuine answers from him. I asked him to tell me which feelings he had in his heart. 

Then I told him to color in the box with the color that he thought went with that feeling. I let him know that he could choose any color he wanted for each feeling. First, he said he was happy and excited. And then he said, “Is it ok if I put one that’s not nice?”

I told him that we could write down any feelings that he was having and it didn’t matter what kind they were. So then he named worried, mad, and sad. It was important for him to get permission to express negative feelings too. People are often afraid to share these emotions, but keeping them inside is unhealthy. The earlier we can teach kids that it’s ok to have them, the better they’ll be at coping with them. 

Step 4: Color It In

Once he was done listing the feelings in his heart, I asked him to color it in with the colors that showed how he was feeling.

Since he chose green for excited, he would color in a little bit of green if he was feeling a little bit excited and a lot of green if he was feeling really excited.

Step 5: Process The Feelings

As he was coloring my son started to tell me about why he chose the feelings that he did. If he didn’t, I could have given him a little encouragement to share by saying things like, “You put a lot of red! Can you tell me about that?” or “Do you want to tell me about the colors you put in your heart?” 

blog heart activity2I also had my older son do this. He had an easier time sharing why he chose the feelings that he put in his heart. I expected that though since he’s almost 3 years older! 

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I’m really glad that I did this activity with my boys. They both ended up telling me unprompted that they put sad in their hearts, because they were sad about our dog dying.

It gave them an easy way to get the feelings out that they were keeping bottled up. They also began to ask questions later that day about death and dying. I think this activity opened the door for them to talk about things they normally wouldn’t have. They both shared about experiences they had at school that day that I otherwise wouldn’t have known about.

Adults can do this activity too!

Just because we grow up and learn how to express our feelings doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Using art to express ourselves can be a really powerful thing. I encourage you to try art therapy yourself! You can find some easy art activities on Pinterest that don’t require a lot of supplies.

If you’re interested in learning more about how to use art to express yourself, there is a great book called Visual Journaling, by Barbara Ganim that can help you get started. This book includes simple art activities that teach help you use images instead of words to dig deeper into the part of your brain where your feelings are stored. It can help adults manage stress and anger, which is something we all need at times! 

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6 Ways To Survive Meal Time With Picky Eaters

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 9 Comments

Inside: Meal time with kids who are picky eaters can be a challenge. Here are a few ways to make it easier for your family.

As much as I love to eat and try new foods, I don’t consider myself a good cook. I can follow a recipe, but if it has more than 5 steps I get easily overwhelmed. So when I spend the energy to make dinner for my family and they don’t like it I get more upset than I probably should.

My four year old has entered the picky eating phase. So most of the time we stick to the same 4 or 5 meals that I know everyone likes to eat- tacos, pita pizzas, spaghetti, or cheeseburgers and hotdogs. For someone who likes to try new foods, this can get very boring!

Luckily my seven-year-old went through a similar picky eating phase that he has mostly grown out of, so I know there is hope. I’ve started trying to branch out with our menus, but it feels like a never-ending battle sometimes.

boy who is a picky eater crying over a bowl of salad

Right before Thanksgiving my four-year-old made a pumpkin pie with his class at pre-k. He came home from school that day really excited about it. So I thought it would be nice to make one together for our family Thanksgiving dinner. It was a simple pumpkin pie recipe with graham cracker crust, pumpkin pie filling, instant vanilla pudding, and whipped cream.

I purchased all of the ingredients and set out to make the pie with my kids. After washing his hands, getting a band-aid for his “boo boo,” a potty break, and washing hands again, my four-year-old said to me, “Mommy I didn’t like the pie I made at school.”

Are you kidding me?

I could have let this derail me and given up on making the pie, but we made it anyway. My older son and I licked the bowl and it was quite good. I don’t even remember at this point if my four-year-old ate the pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but the rest of us enjoyed it. The point is, don’t let your tiny dictators stop you from cooking or baking what you want.

6 TIPS To Make Meal Time With Picky Eaters Easier.

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1. OFFER AT LEAST ONE THING YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS WILL LIKE

Whenever I try a new recipe that I’m not sure whether or not anyone will like, I make sure to still offer at least one thing I know the rest of my family will eat. My kids will eat just about any fruit, so we always offer fruit with every meal. This way I feel like they aren’t going to starve if they don’t eat the main course.

2. STAY POSITIVE

I know it can be frustrating and easy to raise your voice when things don’t go as planned, but engaging in a battle of the wills with your kids often doesn’t do anything other than get everyone upset. Try to start out positive, hoping that everyone will at least try what you offer.

If they don’t, it will go much smoother if your response is, “That’s ok.” It’s important for children to develop a healthy relationship with food at a young age. But if all they remember about meal time as a child was fighting, that’s not going to help.

3. TRY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

toddler who is a picky eater crying and refusing to eat

This may sound counterintuitive, but it worked for us. When my now seven-year-old was four, he would gag himself when we made him eat something he didn’t want to eat. One day, my mom said to him, “You won’t eat that!” and it had the opposite effect. He ate it!

So for several weeks we dared him not to eat his meat and it got him to try it. He realized that he loved ground beef and now his favorite food in the world is cheeseburgers. I promise there is hope for those of you out there struggling with picky eaters!

4. USE A REWARDS SYSTEM

My kids are not only competitive, but they love positive reinforcement. This can work in our favor or against us. The way we use it at mealtime is by offering a small dessert if they eat a “good” dinner. A “good” dinner to me doesn’t necessarily mean cleaning your plate, but at least trying a few bites of vegetables and every food offered.

You can also use a sticker chart and give your child a sticker for each day meal time goes well. Then when they have a certain number of stickers they can earn a reward. The reward could be something like an extra book at bedtime, a small toy, or letting them choose a family outing that weekend.

This magnetic chart is a great tool that you can use to track your child’s cooperation at meals.

It has different categories like Healthy Eating and magnets that say “I ate my veggies” and “I ate a healthy dinner.”

5. MAKE IT FUN

Kids love to play games! You can help them develop healthy eating habits and have fun at meals with games like these:

                                                

You can also get a fun plate like this one:

Who knows. Going against the rules and letting your picky eater play with their food, may be just what they need to get them to try something they don’t like. Parents.com even says it’s ok. 

The first time my youngest actually ate vegetables was when he did a taste test at school. They tried different things like carrots, peppers, lemons, and other foods with distinct tastes. Then they talked about how they tasted and drew pictures of them.  

6. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU

Too often in the beginning as a mom, I would google things like the best way to get your child to sleep and come up with so many conflicting answers that it stressed me out even more. If it works for your family to cook separate meals for your kids, do it. If you’re a believer in sending your kids to bed hungry if they don’t eat what you cook, then so be it! 

I have two very strong-willed boys, one who will sit at the table for an hour chewing the same bite just so he doesn’t have to swallow it. So forcing my kids to eat something doesn’t work for me.

Most importantly, don’t give up. If you are in the midst of the challenging phase where you dread dinnertime because you’re afraid it’s going to be a struggle, just remember this too shall pass!

Share in the comments what has helped make mealtime with the picky eaters in your family more manageable.

Dad trying to feed a toddler who is being a picky eater and refusing to eat

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The Youngest Child Syndrome

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 5 Comments

The other day I sent my 4 year old to time out for hitting his older brother while they were playing a board game.  As he was crying in the corner, I realized that I needed to talk to him about what happened.  Instead of just giving him a lecture on why he shouldn’t hit his brother, which I also did, I realized that he needed me to acknowledge something. He needed me to notice that it’s not easy being the little brother.

The little brother never gets to pick the show to watch on tv. Even if he does, the big brother will talk him out of watching that one. The little brother is always the last one to the car when you’re going somewhere and someone  yells out, “Last one to the car’s a rotten egg!” He’s also the last one to finish his dinner and get dessert and the last one to get his car seatbelt buckled. (It seems like we’re always waiting on him.)

The Benefits Of Being The Little Brother

It’s not always the worst thing in the world to have an older brother. It means you have someone to look up to.  Someone to teach you how to do things earlier than most kids your age get to do them. And you get to play with toys that usually only older kids can play with. Plus, there will always be someone there who will look out for you on the playground.

But we often forget how hard it can be to be the little brother. The one who never wins the game. My 4 year old is a pretty smart kid and he’s learning things really fast. He picks up on way more than we give him credit for. But he’s just not old enough to know that the strategy to playing the board game Sorry is to get all of your pawns close to home as fast as possible. He often gets frustrated and sabotages the game by knocking everyone else’s pieces off the board.

I’m Paying Attention

So this time when my boys got into an argument, I tried something different. Instead of just telling my youngest why it’s not ok to hit his brother when he gets mad, I also said, “It’s hard to be the little brother sometimes isn’t it? It’s hard to be the one who doesn’t win.” His little blue eyes looked up at me like his voice had finally been heard.

We had a moment of connection that made me remember why I loved working with kids. I felt that spark that you feel when you really understand what a child is going through and you know that they notice it too.

It’s like a lightbulb goes off somewhere in your brain and you feel warm and fuzzy all over. Now as a mom my heart skips a beat when it happens with my own kids.

Of course his brother was eavesdropping at this point and reminded me that he doesn’t always lose, but I could tell that Charlie needed that moment. He needed to be heard. He need to be validated. I needed it to for him to.

They really do love each other.