If you’re considering feeding your baby formula, but worried it will make you a bad mom- think again. There’s hardly any information out there to suggest that choosing formula over breastfeeding is ok. That doesn’t mean it’s not. What’s really important is that your baby is fed!
When my 8-year-old was born, I really wanted to breastfeed but I just couldn’t.
I really did.
Of course I’d heard about all the benefits of breastfeeding your baby, and I wanted those things. I wanted what was best for him. But continuing to breastfeed would have meant sacrificing so much.
He was never satisfied. We suffered through two hour-long breastfeeding sessions only for him to still be hungry when they were through.
I listened to my friends’ advice and asked for a lactation consultant right away while we were in the hospital. When we got home, I called the lactation hotline for more guidance.
We tried everything they recommended. I made an appointment with another lactation consultant in the hospital’s outpatient office. They showed me different feeding positions, taught me lots of tricks, and even gave me a nipple shield to help with latching. It helped a little.
But my baby still wasn’t satisfied.
He just couldn’t latch. I had plenty of milk and I was in pain because there was no release. But I would have endured all the pain in the world if he was getting the nutrients that he needed.
The bonding experience that everyone says you get from breastfeeding wasn’t there. It was quite the opposite actually. I was so stressed and resented every feeding session. I was constantly in tears, and my husband felt helpless because there was nothing he could do to help.
We Tried Everything
Finally I decided to try pumping exclusively. So that way at least my baby would be getting the nutrients of breastmilk. But then not only did I have to pump for 30 minutes every 3 hours, I still had to feed my baby. On top of that, I had to clean and sterilize the 50 tiny little plastic parts that the pump required to work. Oh, and we had the bottles that came in 5 different parts, which also had to be cleaned and sterilized after each feeding.
By the time I was done with one feeding, it would be time for another feeding session. Plus because my baby wasn’t getting enough to eat, he didn’t nap well either. As a newborn, he was only taking one or two 20 minute naps a day. I really felt like I couldn’t do anything right!
I felt like a failure as a mom.
We lasted about 4 months struggling to figure out breastfeeding and pumping.
Then I went back to work part-time and the only place that I could pump was my boss’s office. I worked intake at a psych hospital, and there was nowhere else private enough to go. I was constantly worried that my boss would forget I was in his office pumping and barge in on me. Plus I wondered if the sound of the pump would bother people in the next room who were in session. Needless to say, that didn’t last long.
At my postpartum check-up, my doctor said I had inverted nipples. She asked if it was something that I’d always had. Of course, I couldn’t remember. It could be a sign of cancer, it could be from all of the pumping, or it could be something I was born with.
I had to go to a specialist and have a biopsy to rule out cancer. Everything came back clear, but I still have to go back for yearly ultrasounds.
When I became pregnant again a few years later, my husband said, “I don’t think you should put yourself through all of that stress again! Why not just feed him formula?”
“Why Not Just Feed Him Formula?”
Was he crazy? I mean, I knew I didn’t want to go through all of that again, but what would happen if our baby didn’t get all of those nutrients that breastmilk provides? Is feeding your baby formula from the beginning even an option?
Plus, I’d heard all the bogus claims like how breastfeeding makes your babies smarter. How could a mom deprive her child of that opportunity?
So I started doing research and not only did I find out that my husband wasn’t breastfed, but I also found out that feeding your baby formula is really ok!
The American Academy of Pediatrics does recommend breastfeeding as the best nutritional source for your baby. I’m not trying to tell anyone they shouldn’t do it.
But Harvard MD Claire McCarthy says we shouldn’t demoralize formula feeding. She points out that since such a strong emphasis is put on breastfeeding, it makes it seem like it has to be all or nothing. Then more moms give up trying because they think they’re failing anyway and they might as well not try.
Mom Shaming Carries On
But people still shame moms for choosing not to breastfeed. Hospitals don’t even offer formula as an option until you ask, and even then they might try to convince you to try breastfeeding.
I can’t remember how many nurses I had to tell when we were in the hospital with our 2nd that I was going to feed him formula. I think the question was asked at every feeding. And EVERY time it was like a stab in the gut to me.
I still feel guilty when I’m with my mom friends and they start talking about breastfeeding like it’s the only option.
Listen, I now know that breastfeeding is hard, and it’s probably not easy for anyone. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try or that you should give up easily.
What’s Important Is Feeding Your Baby
What I am saying is that it’s ok if you do give up. It’s even ok if you don’t ever try. Feeding your baby formula doesn’t make you any less of a mom. It definitely doesn’t make you a bad mom. If you decide to feed your baby with formula, you are still FEEDING your baby.
Actually, according to the CDC in 2018, less than 50% of infants are exclusively breastfed through 3 months and about 25% are exclusively breastfed through 6 months. You are not alone if you decide to choose formula.
We all have to stop judging each other and start being more supportive. Everyone has the right to decide how they want to parent their children!
Being a mom is hard enough without all the judgment!
So if you have a friend who is struggling to breastfeed, please please please don’t make her feel judged. The best thing you can do is support whatever decision she makes! It’s hers to decide.
Share this with a friend that you think needs to hear it. No mom going through this should feel like they’re the only one.
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7 thoughts on “Feeding Your Baby Formula Doesn’t Make You A Bad Mom”
Agreed! Every mom should do what is best for herself and her baby.
Yes! I don’t know why some people don’t get that but I’m glad there are some people that do!!
I was very sensitive about this issue because I’d had a double mastectomy 2 years before P was born. I remember being so worried that they were going to be asking me every five minutes about it. But I asked and they put a sign on my door and no one ever bothered me. I also remember having SO MUCH guilt because I didn’t even have the option to breastfeed. I was stressed that P was going to “miss out”, that I was a defective mom, and her immune system would be compromised. Turned out none of that is true. And she’s healthy as a horse. 😊
I’m so glad that you were able to put up a sign so that no one bothered you about it. Charlie is healthy as can be without it too!
Your story is quite similar to my attempts with my first born. I only lasted three months with exclusive pumping and was driving myself crazy. With my second baby I was able to breastfeed her, but it took a lot of lactation appointments. With girl friends who are struggling, I let them know that I have done all three methods, so I can pull out three different kinds of pep talks that they need to hear. It’s so important. A happy mom is a mom who can focus in on their baby’s needs.
I LOVE this post. with my first baby I suffered so much debating between formula and breast feeding. But FED is Best, no matter how you choose to do it
Yes exactly!! There are so many more important things to worry about as a new mom!