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8 Things To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 3 Comments

If you’ve never actually been depressed yourself, it can be hard to know the right thing to say to someone else who’s going through it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help.

Sometimes when I go through periods of depression everything just feels so hard. It can be a struggle to do little things, like going to the grocery store to buy a carton of milk. Every little thing can feel so overwhelming and huge. Sometimes when my depression gets really bad, all I want to do is sleep. This can go on for days. Fortunately though, or maybe unfortunately- when I get like this I know it’s going to get better, because I’ve been through it before.

Hope Shines Brightest In The Darkness

It’s not always easy, but I can usually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it feels so far away and sometimes it does take time to get there. I’m not sure how much easier that really makes it, but it does give me a small amount of hope. And when my depression gets really bad, any tiny little bit of hope is enough to get me through to the next day.

Offering hope is important when someone is depressed

I was going through a dark period like this last week. I’m not sure what exactly it was that helped me climb out of it, but I did. Maybe it was buying myself a really expensive pillow, or maybe it was going for a run on a beautiful day by the river. It could have been the friend I reached out to who said what I really needed to hear. Maybe it was the fact that I was able to get an appointment to see a psychiatrist so that I can hopefully get on the right medication. I’m sure it was actually a combination of all these things, but after I reached out to that one friend it felt like a turning point for me.

She was the cheerleader that I needed to get me out of my funk. 

I’ve noticed how hard these episodes of depression can be on my family. And I can see how helpless they feel when they don’t know what else to do to help and they don’t feel like they know the right words to say. I’m sure other people feel the same, so I wanted to share some things that people have said that helped me. So that you can be the cheerleader that your loved one needs the next time they’re struggling.

8 THINGS TO SAY TO HELP WHEN SOMEONE IS DEPRESSED

1. It’s going to be ok.

2. I may not understand, but I’m here for you.

3. You are not alone.

Depression can feel SO isolating, but knowing that you don’t have to go through it alone can make a huge difference.

4. You matter to me.

5. Let’s go for a walk.

Get them out of the house. Being stuck inside is not good for someone who is depressed. 

6. You are strong enough to get through this.

7. Even though you’re going through this, you are still a good mom.

Mom guilt is bad enough on a regular day, but when you’re depressed you feel like you’re not good enough. You get into a spiral of negative thinking and then of course you feel like a horrible mom. Check out my previous post here for some tips on getting through mom guilt.

8. It’s ok to not be ok.

These are some of the things you can say to help someone who is depressed. But in the end, showing that you care is what matters most.

If someone you know is struggling with depression, help them get the help they need. They don’t have to suffer! Psychology Today is a great resource for finding therapists in your area or they can always talk to their primary care doctor.

Maybe there’s someone you know who you think might be depressed, but you’re not really sure. Here are a few signs and symptoms of depression that might help you decide whether or not you should talk to them about it.

COMMON SIGNS & SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

  • They stop wanting to hang out as much as usual.
  • Avoiding your calls or texts.
  • Frequently canceling plans.
  • Their mind seems to be somewhere else.
  • Constantly focusing on the negative.
  • Having a hard time getting things done at work, school, or around the house.
  • Has lost interest in doing things they normally do.
  • Doesn’t want to get out of bed and/or thinks about going back to bed when they wake up in the morning.
  • Headaches and muscle pain or other physical symptoms without a medical reason.
  • Sudden weight loss or gain.

Here’s an anxiety and depression checklist that might help you decide if you should be concerned. The National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) also has great resources including free online support groups.

If you’ve ever struggled with depression, what’s something that someone said that helped you?

pinterest 8 things to say when someone is depressed

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Self Care For Busy Moms- My Top 8 Tips

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 25 Comments

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. As an affiliate, I earn commission on qualifying purchases.

Engaging in self care can be so hard when you’re a busy mom. We get so busy taking care of our kids, that we often forget to take care of ourselves. But if we don’t, stress builds up and our families suffer!

Self care for busy moms means remembering to feed ourselves, getting enough sleep and loving ourselves despite our mistakes and flaws.

How many times have you heard a new mom say they forgot to eat lunch?

I struggle with this myself, but one thing that has helped me is to make a list of activities that are instant mood lifters. That way when I do have time to myself I don’t end up wasting it trying to figure out what to do. Or I don’t waste it by doing chores around the house instead of taking time to relax.

When I was a child therapist, I often used I used the metaphor of the oxygen mask with parents. When you fly on an airplane they tell you during the safety announcement that if you’re traveling with small children you should put on your own oxygen mask and then help your children put theirs on. That’s because if you don’t, you will pass out and won’t be able to help your kids.

Here are 8 SELF-CARE TIPS for busy moms:

1. Exercise

I love to run and always feel better after I do. Running increases the endorphins that boost seratonin in your brain. Serotonin is known as the “don’t worry be happy” neurotransmitter.

Sometimes exercise can even be more effective than medication at increasing seratonin levels. If I don’t feel like running, I still put my running shoes on and go for a walk.

running is one to get self care for busy moms

2. Write In A Journal

Writing can be very therapeutic for me, when I actually slow down enough to do it. This is a big part of why I enjoy blogging.

When I journal, I try to just write whatever comes to my mind and not worry about if it even makes sense. My journaling is for me and not for anyone else to read. This can be a really powerful self care tool for moms who feel isolated much of the time.

3. Deep Breathing

Our brains need oxygen to function properly. Most of us don’t get enough oxygen to keep stress at bay by the breath that we take day to day.

There are some great relaxation apps out there, but my current favorite is the Breathe app on my Apple Watch. It guides me through a deep breathing exercise for one minute, and vibrates when I should exhale. The best part is that my watch reminds me to do the exercise every day so I don’t forget.

4. Yoga

Yoga has so many health benefits, but the biggest one for me is how it forces me to unplug from technology and focus on my breathing.

I really enjoy taking a yoga class at my gym that’s an hour long since sometimes it takes me a while to clear my head. The instructor has a very soothing voice. She uses guided meditation along with relaxing music to help you center and ground yourself.

5. Get Some Vitamin D

Our bodies need vitamin D to produce that “happy” chemical serotonin that I mentioned before. Low levels of vitamin D have been linked to Seasonal Affective Disorder, a mood disorder featuring depressive symptoms that occurs during the dark times of the year where there is little sunshine.

We can get vitamin D naturally though sunlight, but for most people that’s not enough. I take vitamin D at least October- March, but recently have been taking it year round and it’s really helped me.

Talk to your doctor if you’re concerned about your vitamin level and they can run bloodwork to see if it’s low.

a girl reading a book- a good way to engage in self care for busy moms

6. Read A Book

There’s nothing like a great book to take you away to another place for a while. I check out books digitally for free from my local library using an app called Libby.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is a great book that helps you see how small changes can make a big difference on your outlook of life and lead to a better version of you.  

7. Try Aromatherapy

I love to take a warm bath with lavender oil or yummy smelling candles burning. Cedarwood is another essential oil that helps me relax. I put it on my forearms and take some deep breaths until I start to feel calm.

candles are a great way to engage in self care for busy moms

8. Seek Professional Help

As a former therapist, I am a big proponent of seeking therapy when you need it. Unfortunately there is a stigma surrounding mental health and too many people suffer in silence. 

A mental health therapist can be a good resource for helping you talk through challenging seasons in your life. They can also keep you accountable to make sure you are engaging in self care. Psychology Today is a great resource for finding counselors in your area. 

I’ve written several posts about how I’ve dealt with my own depression and anxiety. Here are a few that you might find helpful if you’re struggling:

 Living With Anxiety and Depression In Times of Extreme Uncertainty

My Anxious Life

How Running Saved Me

May The Force Be With You

These are some of my top choices for self care that help me make sure I’m getting enough oxygen. I’m always working on growing this list. I’d love for you to share your favorite self-care tips for busy moms in the comments!

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May The Force Be With You

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 3 Comments

So this past weekend Star Wars fans celebrated May the 4th, and as I saw all of the different memes on social media I realized something.

What many of my friends probably don’t know about me is that I sometimes struggle with anxiety and depression. I actually have my whole life. This may seem crazy to you since I’m so good at hiding it, or maybe it’s pretty obvious to others.

Irregardless it’s there, and it’s real. I’m not going to get into why- that’s another post for another time maybe, but recently I’ve had a sort of spiritual awakening. A few wise people have told me before that I can control whether or not I’m happy. As much as I want to believe this, it’s not always that black and white for me.

I imagine it’s not for many people out there. Because depression can be so debilitating that you feel like it’s never going to get better. You feel hopeless. In fact the last thing you want to hear, is that you could get better by simply deciding to do it.

CHOOSE JOY

I even have a bracelet that is engraved with “Choose Joy.” The thing is, when I’m not depressed it makes sense to me that I’m in control of my emotions. It’s quite obvious that I can choose how I respond to things. I can look at the glass as half empty or half full.

I can see the positive side of a difficult situation and find something good that came out of it. But, there are still times in my life where I find that really hard to do. I forget that I AM in control. It’s sometimes difficult to see that, and I get trapped in the downward spiral of negative thinking.

Someone explained this to me in a really profound way that really helped me understand why this happens. When your brain is so used to negative thinking, the neural pathways that lead to negative thoughts are created more and more.

Then when you have a new experience you tend to go down those same paths that lead to a negative response, or The Dark Side.

In order to get yourself out of that hole or downward spiral of negative thinking, you have to create new pathways. You have to retrain your brain to see the positive outlook.

Practice Gratitude

One way to do this is to write a gratitude journal. You can start by writing 5 things you’re grateful for each day. I like to spend a few minutes writing down everything I’m grateful for.

It may seem hard to do at first, but it actually isn’t once you get started. It’s a great exercise for multiple reasons.

  • It helps to remind you of all the ways that you’ve been blessed.
  • It also helps you to see that things aren’t as bad as you thought they were.
  • More importantly, it creates those neural pathways that lead to joy. It’s pretty hard to feel grateful without feeling at least a little bit good about your life.

So, when I said “May The Force Be With You,” this is what I meant.  That I hope the next time life throws you a curveball, you have the strength to choose the path that leads to joy. And that you can avoid the one that takes you to the dark side.

Maybe remembering that phrase will be enough to help you recall all of the good things going on in your life and all that you have to offer.