From Surviving To Thriving

Being a mom during the pandemic has brought its challenges for all of us. But if we can stop to take a minute to think about what we have learned before we go back to the busyness of life we may realize that it hasn’t all been for nothing.

When looking back over the past year about what I’ve learned, I can see that I’ve grown so much. The pandemic has been a life-changing experience for me. If it weren’t for us being on lockdown last year I may have never gotten to the point of depression where I finally admitted that I needed to take medication. I don’t know if it was the potential for losing someone or if it was the anxiety about whether or not we would get Covid every time we left the house. But I do know that the pandemic triggered something in me that made me feel helpless and hopeless at times.

As hard as it is for me to share this I think people need to know. if you’re in a dark depression, more than likely you may not be aware of it. You may not be aware of the potential for happiness. You may not be aware of what you’ve been missing.

That’s why I think my story is worth sharing.

It’s worth the risk of people looking at me differently. It’s worth the risk of hearing people say “Why were you depressed? But you’re beautiful and you have two beautiful children!”

Because somewhere out there may be someone that isn’t aware of the life they could be living if they accept that they need help. I recently discovered that when you’re in survival mode your brain cannot scientifically process emotion in a healthy way. When you’re responding with a fight or flight response you’re not thinking the way you would if you were calm and balanced. That’s what medication can do for you. It can give you the strength and mental clarity that you need to get back on the right track. So that you can then work through your problems or the traumas that you’ve experienced in your past.

You could spend hundreds of dollars going to see a therapist learning all kinds of coping skills, but if your brain isn’t able to process that information it won’t do you that much good. If the part of your brain that controls your behavior can’t connect with the part that controls your thoughts then you’ll never be able to take the steps that you need to actually live a happier life. Luckily for me I’ve found a good combination of medication and therapy that has enabled me to do the work that I need to do. Now I can focus on learning the coping skills that I need to move through and enjoy life happily.

I asked a few of my mom blogger friends what they learned about themselves over the past year and this is what they had to say.

6 Mom Bloggers Share What They Learned During The Pandemic

Jasmyn of Just Jass

What 2020 taught me was that we shouldn’t keep waiting to pursue something that we have been wanting to do! So many people had told me to start a blog and it took me 6 months and a pandemic to finally hit the launch button!

I’m so glad that I did because my blog has already presented me with so many opportunities and I’m getting to do something I love which is writing! As a SAHM, it has given me something to do other than being a mom. This has ultimately made me a much happier person to be around!

Check out Jasmyn’s blog Just Jass for more about her journey as a stay at home mom as well as tips and tricks on pregnancy and newborns.

Kelly at Mini Mischief Managed

After lock down, I was just as disappointed as my kids that the summer would not include the events, play dates, and scheduled activities we had grown used to. I was ready for a break from being the main entertainment for a three year old and twin one year olds. I was ready to have some of my activities back where I would recharge from the time with them all day. 

When it was clear summer would look nothing like what we hoped, I did two things: 

First, I let go of having a schedule and planning to do certain things each day. We went with the flow of how we were feeling, what the weather was like, and what sounded like fun. It was hard not to have the social interaction I was used to, but also nice to take each hour and day at the pace we wanted, without always considering timelines.

Second, I knew I needed something that wasn’t 100% kid focused to spend time on. Many of my hobbies before kids did not translate well to having kids around due to materials involved, set up, and time required. I needed to find something new that could be done at home. As an avid reader, an unofficial bucket list item has always been to write a book someday. Writing a book fit all my above criteria.

In November 2020 I published my book, “15 Ways For New Moms To Manage Stress & Stay Sane”. This book became a way to document and remember many of the things I did every day as I parented three kids under age three for over a year. It was also a way to connect new moms navigating the parenting world with the help and social support we were used to getting at a time they didn’t have access to it.

The journey wasn’t easy, but I loved having a finished project to show for the time frame when the pandemic affected so much in our lives. As humans, we are resilient; and as moms, we are some of the best at adapting. The best way to start is mentally re-framing your situation to what you can accomplish, and go from there!

Thanks Kelly for sharing your insight. You can follow her and join her online community over at Mini Mischief Managed.

Natasha from Mamahood Mindset

My little boy was just 10 months old when the pandemic hit and we were thrown into our first lockdown. Little did we know it would be a year of repetitive lockdowns and restrictions. As a stay at home mum whose partner continued to go to work, it has been a tough time with lots of challenges.

But amongst the challenges of having nowhere to go, I have learnt so much about mindset and how it can have a huge impact on our day.

I have come to understand how an affirmation can change your beliefs on a subconscious level and therefore change how you feel about a situation. Affirmations have helped me deal with:

  • Dealing with feeling as though I never achieve anything in the day.
  • Helping with anxious thoughts.
  • Feeling as though I always need to be doing something
  • Fighting against mum guilt.

Gratitude has helped me to see the good that is in my life. To be thankful for where I am and what I have. It has helped to lift my mood and has left me feeling happy with where I am in life.

Lockdown has shown me so much about myself and has set me off on a mindset journey that I am still learning from and enjoying. It has changed the way I think and has made me stronger. It has also changed the direction of my blog, and following a re-brand all about mindset and self care.

Check out Natasha’s blog over at Mamahood Mindset to learn more!

Yasmin from Lovely_MommaLife

The pandemic has taught me that life shouldn’t have to revolve around work. I have come out of the past year as a stay at home mom. It gave me a lot of time to reflect on what I want from life. When I look back on my life, what will I be glad to have done?

For me, I don’t want to miss out on my daughter’s milestones and stages before she starts school. I feel like I would miss out on this by returning to work, because I was finishing as late as 6pm. By the time I would get back that would mean missing a whole day with my child. I’d have to settle her to bed and then do it all over again the next day.

I had a lot of time while furloughed and then on maternity leave to see how life would be. It helped me to come to the best decision for me. There is no right or wrong to whether anyone becomes a stay at home mom. I just know that there is the best decision for everyone. Only we can decide what that is. So many jobs require a lot of hours, then add the commute and it feels like your life has to revolve around work.

The pandemic allowed companies to have people working in a different way. To work from home and here in the UK, jobs are still having people work from home mostly. It shows that things could change. We don’t need to spend a lot of time working in a set place and having to commute each work day. Depending on the role, we can work from home. It is so nice that many people have been at home more with their families. I feel like this would be so beneficial if it could happen more, no matter how little the steps.

Being at home every step of the way so far with my daughter has been incredible. My daughter Birdie is 7 months old now and she loves getting plenty of interaction with those close to her. Nothing makes her happier more than just having me there, smiling and playing with her. The lockdown did impact her ability to adjust to others. Now that things have eased, it is valuable to bring Birdie to baby groups. To enjoy play dates with other babies and people. It’s such a special time.

Yasmin’s blog is Lovely_MommaLife. Make sure to head over there to read more about her life as a stay at home mom and for some tips on self love.

Robyn at A Dime Saved

I learned that so much of parenting is in the attitude. If you make it fun, then it is fun. Your kids don’t need camp or fun vacations- if you make something exciting, they will think it’s exciting.

Kids don’t care how stupid or silly an activity is. They care that you are trying to have fun with them. When our kids look back at this period, they will remember all the fun family activities we did with them. They will not forget that we were positive and focused on our family, even when there was so much that we couldn’t do. 

Creating positive memories for my kids- no matter the circumstances – is the most important thing to me. Not only is it fun, but it gives them a sense of security. No matter how crazy the world is- we can still have a good time as a family. 

Our kids can do without a lot of things if they need to. We think they need a lot of stuff and a lot of stimulation. But the fact is that if kids have a loving environment, then that is enough. 

Check out Robyns blog A Dime Saved for tons of fun activities that you can do with your family.

Subarna at The Mommys Corner

Indeed this pandemic has taught us a lot. Our lives have been changed. We all went through a tough situation but it has taught us many life lessons that we kept on ignoring earlier. By God’s grace, we are doing well and I am thankful for that.

In my life, there is a sunny side to this darkness. I launched my blog last summer and it is going to be 1 year old very soon. I was a web developer before being a stay-at-home mom and I always wished to have my little corner on this internet. So I fulfilled my dream and started my blog TheMommysCorner. We often give excuses that we don’t have much time to pursue our dreams but it’s not true. We have enough time, but we lack enough desire to pursue our dreams.

What did you learn about yourself during the pandemic? Have you stopped to think about it? If so, we’d love for you to share your experience in the comments.

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The Top 10 Tips For Virtual Learning Success

Inside: 10 virtual learning tips to get prepared and set up your family for success. 

2 months ago, I couldn’t wait for school to start back up.

When it came down to deciding whether or not to send our kids back face to face or to enroll them in virtual learning, I was truly stuck though.

Neither decision felt like a good one. Luckily our school superintendent decided for us.

We live in the largest county in Georgia where classroom sizes are usually at least 20 and there are almost 100 schools. Many families have children at more than one school. Those same students ride the same buses, and some teachers even travel to different schools.

All these things paired with the number of COVID 19 cases in our county being on the rise when school started, led the school board to decide it wasn’t safe for anyone to go back to school face to face yet.

I was a little disappointed at first, because it meant I wouldn’t get my days to myself back.

After being stuck at home with my family for almost 6 months, I definitely could use some alone time. I thrive on having time to focus on the things I want to do.

What mom doesn’t?

But I was also relieved that I didn’t have to be the one to make such a huge decision for our family.

Last week was our first week of virtual learning. Despite some technical issues and boredom from my 1st grader, WE SURVIVED!

I know that this semester and really this year will be a learning process for all of us. In the end, it’s something that will only make us stronger. But I think we’ve learned a few things already that might make virtual learning easier for your family.

10 VIRTUAL LEARNING TIPS

1. SET UP A DESIGNATED WORKSPACE

I definitely waited until the last minute to do this, so if you’re starting to panic, don’t. Our workspace is nothing special, but it’s a room we don’t often use. So it was easy to clear it off and designate it for school.

workspace for virtual learning

We got some basic school supplies like paper, pencils, markers, erasers, folders, glue, and a pencil sharpener. Also, if you don’t have a good pair of headphones for your child, make sure to invest in a pair!

I put everything in a small crate and stackable bins like the ones below. Then I got a simple bookshelf to organize everything and make it easy to put it all away at the end of the day.

                                              

 

2. LOG ON EARLY

This might seem obvious, but we had to learn it the hard way. Even though you’ll be at home and won’t have to worry about finding everyone’s shoes, it will still take you some time to get ready in the morning.

I don’t know if it’s just my kids who aren’t morning people.

Or maybe my 6-year-old is the only one that needs 5 reminders to brush his teeth. But you won’t be saving that much time by doing school at home instead of in person.

Our schools are using Microsoft Teams. After a few days, I learned how easy it is to create your own meeting instead of joining the meeting your teacher started. If you log on before she starts the meeting, you’ll see a meeting request pop up on your screen though. So being early definitely helps in this case.

Plus if you have issues logging on and try to email the teacher once the class has already started, she may not see your email if she’s already focused on teaching the lesson.

Being online early will help you get your day started out with fewer frustrations due to technical issues.

3. MINIMIZE DISTRACTIONS

Having a designated workspace is the first step in helping to minimize distractions for your students. We try not to have any toys on the table when school is going on. If I sit next to my 6-year-old doing something he’s interested in, it’s distracting to him.

My 8-year-old doesn’t want my help and tells me he’s got it, but my 6-year-old wants me next to him all day.

So I’ve been sitting next to my 6-year-old with my computer. When he asks me what I’m doing, I let him know that I have work to do too. I have a little alarm clock next to his work station that tells him the time and his daily schedule.

4. TURN OFF OTHER DEVICES

Unless you have a crazy amount of Wifi, having more than one person doing a conference call at once will more than likely cause some connection issues. I realized a few months ago that when I’m zooming it helps to turn off all the devices we aren’t actually using.

You can just turn off the wifi on your phone if you aren’t using it, but I also turn off all the ipads in the house. I put my smart watch on airplane mode and I also turn off all the smart TVs in the house. It’s crazy how many things in our house rely on wifi!

5. TAKE SCREEN-FREE BREAKS

Anytime my kids have a break in their schedule, we try to do things that don’t involve a screen.

mom helping child take a break from virtual learning

My 1st grader’s teacher told the class that they need to do something screen-free during their lunch and recess break. She also told them to read for 9 minutes before they can have screen time after school. This week, they have to read 20 minutes every day as their homework.

6. SEPERATE SIBLINGS

We started out with both kids in the dining room. Since my younger son does everything his older brother does, I thought he would get more work done if he was in the same room.

After the first day, we realized that wasn’t the case. My younger son didn’t like wearing the headphones all day and my older son figured out that his teacher couldn’t hear him speak when they were plugged in.

That’s all part of the process though, learning and adapting as you go!

We moved my younger son to the kitchen table so that they could both unplug their headphones if they wanted to. Having all of the school supplies in a small bin has made clean up at the end of the day easy.

7. BE PATIENT

Patience is not always easy, but again, we have to remember that this process is new for everyone! Especially our kids and their teachers.

Yesterday my son cried because he didn’t want to log onto school. His cousins are in town visiting and he said that school ruined his vacation.

We reminded him that he had an extra-long vacation this year and that it was time to go back to school.

I gave him permission to cry for 5 minutes. When the 5 minutes were up, I told him he had to stop and log onto school.

His school counselor taught us this little trick last year when he was having a hard time adjusting to school starting back after the Winter Break. Surprisingly, he doesn’t usually need the whole 5 minutes to cry. But if he did, he would have that time to get it all out.

8. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Remember that you aren’t the only one trying to figure out how to help your child with virtual learning.

Not only is it hard on the teacher, but every other student is trying to learn how to navigate something that is totally foreign to them. So far, our teachers have been very patient, and I think they want parents to know it’s ok to not have it all figured out yet.

Sometimes, it might feel like you’re failing, but I promise, you’re doing it right momma!

Child doing virtual learning

9. STAY POSITIVE

We may not realize it, but our kids take cues from our attitudes. Try to stay positive and remind them that it’s ok if they don’t have all the answers.

My kids also do really well with positive reinforcement. We use rewards often, but if you don’t find this helpful, that’s ok.

I know that having time to play video games is worth everything to my kids. So before the first day of school, I told them that they couldn’t have screen time after school if they complained.

It worked really well the first day. The next day was a little harder and I realized I had to give them some time to adjust. But after this week, I’m going to be consistent about this rule!

10. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP

I know all moms struggle with asking for help, but we need it now more than ever!

Find a community. We’re all relying on social media right now to connect with other moms. It’s definitely not the same as meeting in person with your friends, but it still can help you feel less isolated.

If there isn’t already a Facebook group for moms in your neighborhood, start one. Or you can even start another one that focuses only on struggles moms of school-aged kids have.

We have one in our neighborhood called surviving the pandemic with kids. We share tips about virtual learning, but also other challenges that have come up this year!

It takes a village! 

Some parents don’t have a choice but to work. If this is you, you will more than likely need to figure out a plan for getting help before you even get started!

I can’t even imagine how hard it will be for you to juggle your job, keeping your house in one piece, and now having to help your child with virtual learning.

Just remember that any help you can give them is better than nothing. Make sure to communicate any struggles that come up with your child’s teacher.

Communicate with the school administration and the school board. If they don’t hear from you, they won’t know what your struggles are.

What other virtual learning tips do you have for parents who might be struggling with the same issues as you? Make sure to share them in the comments!

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