Author: Mom Life Counseling, LLC

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Let Them Be Little

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 22 Comments

Why am I always trying so hard to rush my kids to grow up? I put a lot of pressure on them to be “big” and do things for themselves.

That’s not always a bad thing. I know they need to learn eventually and if I’m always doing everything for them they never will. But sometimes I wonder if I’m stealing their childhood.

Is society’s sense of urgency making me parent that way?

When my kids were babies, I just wanted the sleepless nights to end.

Everyone would say things like:

“Enjoy the baby snuggles while you can. They’ll be gone before you know it.”

But I was secretly searching baby books for answers about when it would end.

I wanted to know what age they had to be when I wouldn’t have to wake them to feed them anymore. Then I wanted to know how much they needed to weigh before they could sleep through the night. Once I read that when a baby weighs about 12 lbs they can last all night without feeding. I became obsessed with how much they weighed after that.

When they were between 2 and 3 years old, I was researching what age to start potty training so that we could get out of diapers.

Once they were able to eat solid food, I was waiting for the day they’d be able to feed themselves. Then I was counting down the days until they’d be in school full time, so I could really get a break.

I think my youngest has probably felt this the most. Without realizing it, I compare what he can do to what his big brother can do. But I forget that his brother is almost 3 years older. I assume that because my oldest can go to the bathroom by himself, so should he.

I forget that he’s at a different stage developmentally and being potty trained is still a new-ish skill for him. As much as I want him to wipe himself and remember to wash his hands with soap without being reminded, he is only 5!

Can We Just Slow It Down?

Last week I had a moment where I realized I need to stop rushing my kids to grow up though. You know those moments as a mom where you feel like you just want time to stand still?

The ones where you picture your kids leaving for college and you realize that everyone was right….Your days where your kids are at home with you are numbered. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get sentimental like this often, but every now and then I do. 

Sometimes I worry that my 5 -year-old missed out on a lot of the things that little kids are into like Mickey Mouse and Elmo. When he wanted to watch preschool shows, his brother would tell him they were for babies. Since he thinks his big brother hung the moon, he stopped asking to watch those shows.  He graduated right to super heros and Sponge Bob at age 3! 

Little brother and big brother
Dressing just like big brother

Goodbye Too Soon?

A few years ago, we realized that our kids were both really interested in Legos. The younger one was able to put together regular size Lego sets, so we decided to get rid of all of our duplo Legos. Ever since then, my youngest has asked why we had to get rid of them. 

This year, he asked for more for Christmas. When I was helping with the holiday party in his classroom, I noticed that he went right to the Duplo legos during the free play time. Plus any time I ask him what he does during centers at school, he says that he plays with the duplos.

So Santa got him a set of duplo Legos. They must be his favorite gift because he has played with them over and over again. Instead of spending a few hours putting together a Lego set and then losing interest when it’s done, he creates something new every day. 

Last week I noticed that the instruction booklet that came in the duplo Lego box had a piece missing. The missing piece was the part that said the age range was 1 ½ +.

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Lego instruction booklet

I know the plus sign after the 1 ½ is open-ended, but I wondered if my 5-year-old read it differently. Did he think his brother would think he’s a baby for playing with them?

It made me realize that he might need permission to just be 5. He might need me to give that to him. So I thought of a few things I can do. 

6 Tips For Giving Your Child Permission To Be A Kid:

  1. Build-in time for pretend play. Sometimes if I’m not careful, my kids will go days in a row where they don’t actually play with their toys. We’re always rushing from one activity to the next after school and on the weekends. Then when we’re at home, it’s easy to just turn on the tv or let my kids play endless amounts of video games. I “try” to set limits on screentime and when that time is up, I tell them to go in their play room and play. Sometimes they resist and complain that they’re bored, but I show them how they can use their imagination.
  2. Play more. My goal is to actually sit down and play with my kids, when I can, at least 30 minutes a week. During this time, I make sure to turn off all devices and play whatever they want me to.
  3. Organize their toys and make them easier to find. By helping my son find his Paw Patrol and PJ Mask characters and putting them in a special place, he’s more likely to go play with them when he’s bored. 
  4. Talk about how it’s ok to like toys or shows that older siblings might say are for babies. I’ve had to remind my 5-year-old often that he’s not a baby even if he likes different things than his brother.
  5. Watch Peter Pan and sing ‘I’ll never grow up’. This one’s a classic and always makes me wish I was still a kid. 

In the end, I also have to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom and feeling guilty about how I might’ve messed up. Deep down, I know that I’m doing the best I can and my kids know how much I love them.

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Managing Holiday Stress- 4 Quick Tips For Moms

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 14 Comments

December is here and so is the stress of the holiday season. For me it started on Thanksgiving and has only gotten worse since then. Now that Christmas is only 2 weeks away, I’m starting to really feel overwhelmed.

But why? Why do I do this to myself every single year? Last year, I made a conscious decision to say, “No” to more and decided not to do Christmas cards. As much as I love giving and receiving real mail, it’s just one more thing to do during such a busy time of the year.

I felt guilty when I started receiving cards from others though. I also regretted not sending them out to family that lives far away and might look forward to getting them from us.

So this year, I drug my family through the process of getting professional photos taken and I put myself through the unnecessary stress of trying to design the perfect card. Now I still have to find time to send them out and hope I can do it before the holidays are over!

Stress Snowballs

The stress we feel during the holidays comes from so many different places and much of it is from the little things that add up. It’s not just from the extra gatherings we attend during this time of year and all of the gifts we run around searching for.

We also have to figure out what to wear to the parties, how we’ll get there, and what we’ll bring with us. If we’re bringing food we have to shop for the ingredients and then find the time to bake or cook the food.

THEN, once you’re at the event, some of us have added stress about what they can eat or how we’re going to refrain from eating too much.

Add to the list the regular everyday stressors of life like paying your bills and keeping your house clean. For moms, we also have to take care of our kids and make sure we aren’t neglecting them. Otherwise, they start to act out for our attention which causes even more stress.

If you’re like me and have even one birthday in your family in December (we have 3), then you can forget a moment of downtime.

All of this leads to the perfect storm. You have an idea in your head of the perfect Christmas that you want to provide for your family, but it never goes that way. If you’re already feeling stressed, when one little thing goes wrong you feel like you just can’t handle it.

Lost in Transit

For example, I bought my husband, whose birthday is December 7th, the birthday gift he really wanted online in early November. I thought I was getting a head start, but come to find out everyone else wanted the same thing. So the shipping status said that it would arrive on Dec. 5th.

I thought it would be cutting it close, and started to get him something else instead. I decided it was worth the wait though, because I knew it was what he really wanted. Well, Dec. 5th came and the package didn’t. Apparently, it got hung up on Black Friday somewhere in Norcross, GA (which is ironically the next town over).

I was able to get a replacement sent, but it won’t be here until AFTER Christmas, in January!!!!

Luckily, I had already ordered a vest that he wanted on Black Friday and was going to give it to him for Christmas. So I was able to give him that for his birthday instead. Except that when I took it out of the box to wrap it, it was the wrong size.

The company that I bought it from doesn’t do exchanges, but I could return the item for free and order another one. So I ordered another one with expedited shipping. But guess what my mom brain did…….ordered the wrong size…..AGAIN!!!

I know what you’re thinking, why didn’t you just cancel the order? Well I couldn’t. The store didn’t have any available customer service reps working on Saturdays and they don’t allow cancellations for online orders. Not only could I not exchange the wrong sized vest again, I also couldn’t cancel the order. The guy at the Fed-Ex counter at Staples is going to know me on a first name basis by the end of this.

I knew what I had done immediately after I pressed the order button, but it was too late. Something that wouldn’t normally be a big deal, caused me to break down in tears. Because I was already feeling stressed by all of the other things piling up.

The reality is, we can’t control all of these things. Not only are they out of our control, but stressing about them takes away from the real reason we celebrate holidays anyway.

So, I did what any girl would do in this situation. I let out a loud scream and pounded my head on the steering wheel. And then I drove my car to DSW and got some new shoes.

Before I did that, I took a few minutes to write in my journal. When I was writing, I realized that I can’t let all of these little things get me down.

I need to focus on what really matters. When I start to feel stressed by the holiday mayhem, I’m going to take a deep breath and remember what Christmas is all about. It’s about the birth of our Savior, Jesus!

Here are some other ways I’m MANAGING HOLIDAY STRESS:

Setting Boundaries

I’m also trying to set boundaries and I’m working on saying NO. It’s ok if we can’t go to every holiday party we’re invited to. We might miss something fun and the fear of missing out is hard. But filling every minute of your family’s time isn’t healthy.

Letting Go Of Being Perfect

It’s ok if every day isn’t perfect and I don’t have the perfect gift for every person on my list. What really matters is the spirit of giving and the thought that goes into it.

We don’t have to have the perfect Christmas tree with the fullest branches. And it doesn’t have to look perfect when the decorations are put on.

Before I had kids, I used to think each strand of lights had to be equal distance apart and the ornaments all had to be color coordinated.

I’ve had to let go of that, because decorating the tree with my kids is a tradition my family looks forward to. If I’m trying to boss everyone around and control where they put each ornament, that takes the fun out of it for everyone.

                                                       Our imperfect Christmas tree.

Putting Down My Device

I’m putting down my device so that I can just BE with my family and enjoy spending time with them. My kids will only be this little for a few more years. Eventually, they’re going to grow up and move out. They’ll have their own families and I may not get to see them as much over the holidays.

Although, my 5-year-old says he wants to live with me forever. So there’s a chance he’ll be living in our basement at 35.

Remembering To Breathe

I’m taking time to breathe and making sure that I’m going to yoga even when I have a million other things to do. I’m taking a few minutes to pause in the car before running into the store to get the crucial ingredient I need to make the special Christmas recipe.

Here are some other ways I practice self-care. As a mom, it’s so important that we don’t forget about our own needs so that we can stay strong enough to be there for our families.

Praying

I’m taking time to pray and asking God to help me remember why we celebrate. I’m asking for his help, because I know that I can’t do it all on my own.

And next year, I’m not sending Christmas cards! Who am I kidding, I probably will. But that’s ok. If I learn anything, next year I’ll make the cards in September when there aren’t any birthdays in our family.

This Christmas, I hope you’re able to take time to enjoy the traditions your family has while avoiding some of the holiday mayhem!

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How To Get Your Kids To Listen Without Yelling

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 23 Comments

For the past year and a half, we’ve been taking my 5 year old to different specialists trying to figure out how to deal with his sinus issues. Apparently he takes after me with eustachian tube issues, which causes fluid to build up in his ears.

When that happens he feels like he’s underwater and can have a hard time hearing people speak from far away. He’s a boy and he’s also only 5. So it’s hard to discern when he isn’t following directions because he can’t hear me or if he’s choosing not to.

Yesterday, I took him to the ENT because I thought maybe he couldn’t hear me again. BUT, that little stinker passed the hearing test with flying colors. The doctor said his ears looked better than they did the last time we were there a few months ago. The audiologist commented that it must be selective hearing and that she couldn’t help me with that. She said if she could figure out how to she would be a millionaire.

I walked away from the appointment feeling a little embarrassed. Especially when I had just finished having a conversation with the nurse practitioner about how I have a parenting blog. But I swallowed my pride and took it as an opportunity to step back and think about how to handle the fact that my children don’t listen to me.

I’ve actually been pretty frustrated recently with both of my kids, because when I ask them to do something they whine, complain, ask “WHY“?, and try to negotiate with me about what they should do instead. My mom even offered to give them $20 to use at their school’s upcoming holiday shop if they can go a week without arguing or trying to negotiate with me.

Getting Your Kids To Listen Using Positive Reinforcement

Behavior chart that helps with getting your kids to listen using positive reinforcement

RECOGNIZE THE FEELING

It’s important to help your child see that you get them and that you aren’t totaling ignoring how they feel. Life is hard and if we teach our kids to learn how to express their feelings when they are young, we’ll help set them up for success later in life. It’s been my experience that if you ignore the fact that a 5 year old isn’t listening to you because they’re more interested in what they’re doing, it will only make things worse. He’ll just feel frustrated and will likely do one of two things:

1). He’ll stuff his feelings and end up resenting you.

2). He will have a meltdown trying to test if you’ll give in and let him do what he wants.

Instead, you can recognize the feeling and try to help your child deal with it. My 7 year old was getting really discouraged about having to restart the 7 day clock to earn the $20 my mom promised. He said that if he had to keep starting over, he’d rather just give up. So I reminded him that it’s hard to change a habit and that we could figure out a way for him to do it.

I saw that he was holding his breath and trying really hard not to argue with me when I reminded him about the deal. So I said, “That’s it! Do that, when you’re frustrated. You can put it in a bubble or hold it in your mouth instead of saying what you want to say out loud.” I also told him that he could count to 5 or count to 10 if he needed to.

When getting your kids to listen you should recognize which of these feelings they have

GIVE A CUE

We also decided that I would give him a cue if I thought he might try to argue with me about something, but that I would only do this once a day. If I had to remind him more than once then he would have to start over.

So we decided that I would say, “poop” because….well he’s a boy and that’s what he wanted the cue to be. I had to bite my tongue and not interject that I thought that was the worst idea, because I knew it would also kind of make him laugh if he heard me say poop.

Getting your kids to listen makes moms feel happy

NOTICE THE GOOD

This morning when I was helping my 5 year old get dressed, I tried this strategy. I got a good night’s sleep last night so I think I was being a little more patient than normal. Plus, we weren’t in a huge rush to get out the door like we are on school mornings so that probably helped a bit.

When my son turned off his iPad when I asked without complaining I said, “I like the way you did that without complaining!” The more times I can catch him doing what I want and point it out to him, the more likely he is to continue doing it.

Using positive reinforcement, like praise can help you increase the behavior that you want (in this case listening to you). Your child’s brain will start to connect the action with the reward. Then they will hopefully start to do it more often on their own.

I hope this helps you get your kids to listen to you. If not then hopefully at least you can appreciate my parenting struggles and maybe get a laugh at my expense!

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The Best Positive Parenting Strategy For Getting Kids To Listen

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 11 Comments

Recently I polled my readers in my facebook group about what parenting topic they’d like to read about. Several moms responded with something to the tune of, “Help me with my stubborn child!” I had to laugh because I didn’t really have an answer. This is something I struggle with almost daily.

I think that’s mainly due to the fact that I myself can be pretty stubborn. My husband and I butt heads, because we are both stubborn and neither one of us wants to give in even when we’re wrong. So unfortunately I think my children are doomed to inherit some of our stubborn traits.

Being stubborn or strong-willed as a child isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. It could even be an indicator of future success according to a research study published by the American Psychological Association. But as a parent it can be really frustrating. Approaching stubbornness using positive parenting solutions can help.

I’ll never forget a time years ago when a mom I was babysitting for asked her son if he wanted a spanking. I laughed to myself when he said yes. Then he continued to misbehave and she had backed herself into a corner.

The only way she could deal with his misbehavior in that moment was to spank him. The option for him to make a good choice and change his behavior was pretty slim, since she had already set him up to fail.

Granted, he could have said no and made the decision to stop throwing toys at his brother, but he didn’t. Sometimes the way we say things as parents can set our kids up to fail and we don’t even realize it.

Different Parenting Styles

Just like the world is full of different types of people, there are different styles for parenting kids. Depending on your personality and your upbringing you may lean towards one or the other.

I prefer to use logical consequences and positive parenting styles. Since I’m realizing my kids have sensitive personalities, I also try to avoid yelling as much as possible. (Although, let’s be real, I do lose my cool and yell sometimes, especially when I’m trying to get them out the door.)

I also don’t believe in spanking my children. I’m not going to get into too much detail about why now, but I don’t think it helps. I also don’t want my children to grow up to be afraid of me.

When I was working towards becoming a registered play therapist, I learned about child psychologist Garry Landreth. I quickly realized that the way he approached parenting and therapy with children aligned with me. He believes that if we can understand the way a child sees the world, then it will help us understand why they behave the way they do.

The Choices, Cookies, & Kids Method

Landreth developed the positive parenting solution Choices, Cookies, & Kids when his 3 year old daughter had her hand in the cookie jar. He realized that in order for her to become a successful adult later in life, she needed to learn how to make the right choice on her own.

So instead of blurting out his usual response, “No, you can’t eat all the cookies,” he decided to give her a choice. He told her that she could choose to eat 1 cookie or that she could choose to eat none of the cookies.

Choices, Cookies & Kids involves using statements that help your child learn how to control their own behavior. If we are always telling our children what they can and can’t do, they’ll never learn resposibility. And it will be harder for them to know how to react when we aren’t there to tell them what to do.

HOW TO OFFER CHOICES:

  1. Offer two choices. One of the choices will be the “right choice” and one will be the “wrong choice” that will result in a consequence.
  2. Follow through with the consequence. Make sure to do what you said you would if your child chooses the wrong choice.

For example: Instead of saying, “Do you want a spanking?” the mom I mentioned before could have said this:

“It’s not ok to throw toys at your brother. You have two choices:

1). You can either play nicely with your cars and choose to continue playing with them,

OR

2) You can choose to keep throwing cars at your brother and choose to have them taken away.”

Notice, how many times I used the word choice or choose. This is key, because it reminds your child that you are putting the responsibility on them.

USING CHOICES TO MANAGE TANTRUMS:

Now let’s say that your child is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, because they want you to buy them a toy. If you wanted to use this method instead of simply saying no, you would say something like this:

“I can see that you really want a toy, but we’re not getting any toys today. If you choose to scream you will be choosing not to watch tv for the rest of the day. If you choose NOT to scream and yell, you will be choosing to watch TV when we get home.”

If your child continues to throw a fit, then you would respond with, “You’ve chosen to give up TV for the rest of the day.”

If your child stops crying and calms down, then you would say, “You’ve chosen not to yell and scream, and now you can watch TV today!”

** You can use whichever consequence will have the most affect on your child. I allow my kids 1 hour of “tech time” a day and they really look forward to it. So I use this consequence most of the time, because I know it will usually work.

MAKING IT WORK

Be sure to be consistent and follow through with the consequence. If you don’t do what you’ve said you are going to do and allow your child to watch tv later in the day, this won’t work.

This may be really hard at first. It may seem like it’s too much trouble and you might feel like it would be easier to revert back to your old way of handling misbehavior. Any change is hard and your child will need to see you follow through with this technique a few times before they learn how it works.

IT’S WORTH IT

For me, the challenge to adjust my thinking is worth it. Using positive parenting strategies helps strengthen my relationship with my kids, because they feel heard and understood. When I’m using these positive strategies instead of reverting to yelling and threatening, everyone in my family is happier! Who doesn’t want that?

Let me know in the comments if you try this and how it works!

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6 Reasons To Stop Cleaning Your House Before Play Dates

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 21 Comments

Ok I know what you’re probably thinking. Not another one of those blogs where she tells me to do the opposite of what I really should do- like the one about how to have fun at the playground. Because, why would I tell you to stop cleaning your house?

I’m serious this time though. Let me tell you why.

I’m in a local moms club and we have play groups where groups of us with kids who are close in age meet up once a week. A few months ago, I was at playgroup at a friend’s house. One of the other moms commented on how clean the house was.

She said, “It looks like no kids live here! I really wish other moms wouldn’t clean up so much before we come over. It just makes me feel worse about how messy my house is!”

This is not the first time I’ve heard a mom say that. In fact I remember hearing people say the same thing when I started doing playgroups almost 5 years ago. As much as I agree, it’s so hard for me to do!

I remember a few years ago when my son had his first play date without me at a friend’s house. It looked like a cheerio bomb had gone off and there were toys everywhere.

At first I was a little shocked, but then the mom apologized for the state of her home. In my head I was thinking, “Thank you! Thank you for not cleaning up. Thank you for making me feel better about my own house.”

Stop Obsessing Over The Mess

Yesterday, a mom friend and her two kids were coming over for a playdate. All day I was obsessing about what a mess my house was. I started to notice all the piles of board games and coloring books that I needed to go through and reorganize.

stop cleaning your house before play dates because it will just get messy again

Then I realized I was letting myself get too stressed out about cleaning my house for a play date.

I remembered the conversation I had with my friend at playgroup and decided to try to let some of the mess go. Of course I ended up still cleaning up some of it. But I took some of the pressure off myself for my house to be spotless.

The funny thing is, when my friend came over I really don’t think she even noticed the mess. I had planned to apologize to her about how my house was a disaster, but when I looked around it didn’t even look that bad!

The more I think about this, there are so many reasons you shouldn’t clean your house before a play date. Here are just a few:

WHY YOU SHOULD STOP CLEANING YOUR HOUSE BEFORE PLAY DATES

It Makes Others Feel Guilty

If you host a play date at your house and it’s spotless, your friends will probably feel like my mom friend did at play group.

They might wonder how you have it all together and question why they can’t seem to ever keep their own house clean. Outside of their being food all over the floor and bugs everywhere, your friends will feel more comfortable if it’s a little messy!

Someone Has To Break The Cycle

It only takes one person in your circle of friends to not clean their house before the play date to give others permission to do the same. But if you do clean up, then the cycle will keep going and everyone else will feel like they have to. So, be the one to break the cycle.

As hard as it is sometimes, it actually feels pretty liberating to let some of the mess go. Plus, if your friends are going to judge you for the state of your house cleanliness, are they really true friends anyway?

It Takes Away From Your Kids

Always stressing out about cleaning your house takes away from the time that you could be spending with your kids.

No mom has ever looked back on her life and regretted spending too much time with her kids.

As hard as it is to let the mess go in the moment, you will miss out on so many experiences with your family if your constantly cleaning.

It’s Just Going To Get Messy Again

Unfortunately, even if you do clean up, your house is just going to get messy again. A fun play date ends with toys everywhere and dress-up clothes off their hangers. It means that the toys were actually played with.

Kids making a mess on a playdate which is why you should stop cleaning your house before playdates

No One Will Notice Your Mess

We always notice the things we don’t like about ourselves more than others do. The same goes for the things we don’t like about our homes. Chances are no one but you will notice the crayon marking on the wall behind your couch or the crumbs of food under your dining room table.

Yesterday, my friend never batted an eye about the mess in my house. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought anyway.

Too Clean Is Not Realistic

Do you really want your friends wondering if you actually live there because your house is TOO clean? Kids learn by making messes. They wouldn’t have the experience of making cookies with you if you didn’t let them make a mess in the kitchen with the flour.

Kids make a mess when they play too. They have to dump out the whole bin of action figures to find the exact one they are looking for. They need to line up every single hot wheels car to have a car race, or else it just isn’t the same! Let them live!

We might have a slight toy car addiction!

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A Mom’s Guide to Making a Day At The Playground Fun

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 11 Comments

A few weeks ago, my kids had a long weekend off so we went to a playground that we don’t normally get to go to.

I was so excited, because in my mind I pictured it to be much bigger and to have some really cool features that most playgrounds don’t have. I thought they would be so excited. We did have a good time, but it didn’t really go like I expected.

I had to pee immediately after we got there, but of course the bathroom was really far from the playground. I tried to hold it for as long as I could, but I was so uncomfortable. Eventually, I had to drag my kids with me to the bathroom. They were so upset with me that you would have thought I was taking away their favorite toy.

Despite this little mistake, I can still say that I’ve learned a few things over the years about what makes a playground fun. I’ve also learned what not to do. Of course, like most things in parenting, there’s always room to learn more!

So here are 7 things to do to make sure your kids have fun at the playground: 

1. Drink Lots of Coffee 

Drinking lots of coffee before an outing with your kids is really tempting because you need energy to keep up with your kids. When taking your kids to a playground it’s especially tempting because they’ll want you to play with them. Even though you might be bringing your kids to a playground so that you can get a break, they WILL want you to play with them.

Drinking at least 3 cups of coffee will ensure that you have enough energy to do this. It will also mean that you will need to pee. You’ll have to drag your kids with you to the bathroom, because of course you can’t leave them there to play unsupervised. Your kids will be so happy that they’ll forget they’re even at the playground!

2. There Can’t Be Bathrooms Nearby

Since you’ve fueled up on coffee, no matter how many times you pee before you leave the house you’ll need to go again once you get there. Our bladders as moms went through the ringer when we were pregnant and the aforementioned children sat on them for 9 months. It’s ok though. Moms are used to having to hold it when we have to go.

Also, if you really want to have a good time at the playground make sure to bring your potty-training toddler to a place that doesn’t even have a bathroom! This is the best recipe for fun!

3. Don’t Bring Any Snacks

Your kids will surely be hungry the minute you step foot out of the car, even though they will have just eaten breakfast. Be sure not to pack enough snacks so they’ll whine about how hungry they are the entire time you’re there.

Definitely don’t bring a variety of snacks, because your child will never change their mind and refuse to eat the food that was their favorite the day before. 

4. Don’t Pack Any Extra Clothes

This tip is mostly for the moms with younger kids. Make sure not to bring any extra clothes. You never know when there’s going to be a potty accident and your child will need a fresh outfit.

Plus, I remember the times when my toddler had a meltdown because he dumped water on himself and then no longer wanted to wear his shirt because it was soaking wet.

Older kids will sometimes need a change of clothes too. They might go down a wet slide or decide to play in the stream if the playground has one. Or if you misjudge the weather and 74 degrees actually “feels like” 59, you’ll wish you had jackets.  

So if you want to ensure a fun day at the playground, make sure you aren’t prepared for any of these situations. 

5. Choose A Playground Without Any Shade

In the summer, you’ll want to make sure that you find the hottest playground you can! That means find one without any shade. Fortunately there are plenty of this type of playgrounds around so you won’t have a hard time with this one.

6. Don’t Give A 10 Minute Warning

If you want your kids to have the best day ever, do this one thing. Be sure to grab them in the middle of their fun and tell them it’s time to go. Don’t give them a 10 minute warning so they can finish up their game or go down the slide one last time.

Kids playing on a playground

7. Don’t Invite Any Friends

Hopefully by now you’ve caught on that I’ve been giving you bad advice. So if you’re smart enough to do the opposite of what I’m saying, you’ll make sure to invite friends to meet you at the playground. This will actually solve most of your problems.

Your kids will have someone to play with and will stop bugging you to play Hide And Seek Tag. You will also have someone to watch your kids while you run to the bathroom, and you might even be able to bum a few snacks off of them.  

If you have a clothing emergency, chances are your friend will have a backup to share. Plus, when it’s time to go home, you can make sure to coordinate with your friends to leave at the same time. This is why finding your village, is such an important part of being a mom! Your mom friends are always there to back you up!

I hope you can learn from my mistakes and help your kids have the best day ever the next time you go to a playground!

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You’re Doing It Right Momma

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 9 Comments

Last week I had back to back school conferences with both of my kids’ teachers. I didn’t plan it this way. I didn’t actually realize what I’d done until I got a reminder email from one of them. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

You see, the day prior I had one of those days where I felt like a failure as a mom. We had been at a birthday party where there was a piñata. I like piñatas because my kids LOVE piñatas. They go all out crazy anytime there is one.

My oldest takes it one step further than most though. Granted he was literally the 2nd oldest kid at the party and the tallest by at least 4 inches, but he truly let his greedy side show up to this piñata party.

Once the piñata was busted, the chaos ensued and the feeding frenzy began. After what had to have been no more than 2 minutes, my child walked away with about a pound of candy and toy trinkets. There were probably half a dozen other kids crying that they didn’t get a single thing!

Even though the competitive side of me wanted to shake my son’s hand for winning this “piñata game” and getting in there to claim his prizes, the bigger part of me was appalled.

So I did what any right minded mom would do and started grabbing handfuls of his candy to give to the less fortunate smaller kids who didn’t get any. Of course after he realized his loot was cut in half, he wasn’t happy with me and walked away pouting.

When I asked him where his goodie bag was, he said that since I gave most of his candy away he gave the little that was left to his brother and threw the bag away. This only made me feel like I had raised an even bigger brat so we left the party fighting. I complained to my husband that night and he had a talk with him about sharing.

School Conference Day

The next day, I met with my other son’s teacher first. She had only good things to say- that he’s excelling in every subject, he’s a good listener, and is a joy to have in class. She asked what we were doing, because she wanted to do the same thing when she has kids of her own one day.

Then, I met with my oldest son’s teacher and she also had glowing remarks! I already knew he was doing well academically, but it was her comment about his character that really surprised me. To be completely honest I know he’s a good kid, but I didn’t expect her to say that he was one of only a few students she’s ever had who is truly a good person.

I needed to hear these things. It’s not that I don’t think I’m a good mom. I know I’m doing an ok job, but it feels really good to hear from someone else that I’m raising such kind and considerate children. I actually felt a little guilty about getting so mad the day before. But I’ve already told you that I struggle with mom guilt. You can read all about that in my previous post here: https://momlifewithp.com/mom-guilt-how-to-deal-when-it-strikes/.

Hearing Positive Feedback From Strangers

This past weekend we were eating breakfast at a tiny crowded coffee shop in Ashville. The boys were smearing muffins into the seat cushions, standing up in their chairs, and using really loud voices. The table next to us felt so awkwardly close that I had a hard time not eavesdropping on the ladies who were sitting there.

When we were getting ready to leave, one of them looked at me and said, “You’re doing a good job. Your kids are really well behaved.” What?!?! These two? Was she in the same restaurant I was just in? I couldn’t believe she said that, but I thanked her and walked away feeling again like maybe I AM doing something right.

As moms we don’t hear what we’re doing right enough. This job doesn’t come with a yearly performance evaluation where we get a raise if we’re meeting the company’s standards. So to all the teachers out there, tell your students’ parents when they’re getting it right. Tell them as often as you can, not just once a year at the parent/teacher conference.

Husbands, tell your wives they’re good moms. It may seem obvious to you, but she needs to hear it because she doesn’t always believe it. This goes for everyone, if you see a mom in public tell her she’s doing a good job. Even if her kids aren’t being perfect angels. If they’re eating their food and not throwing it at you, she needs to know she’s not screwing it all up.

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10 Things Moms Wish Someone Had Told Them About Being a New Mom

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 12 Comments

The first few months of motherhood can be one of the most amazing yet hardest parts of a woman’s life. There are so many new experiences that you don’t expect and don’t know how to react to. There are moments of doubt, confusion, uncertainty, and overwhelming fear.

But once you realize that you aren’t alone and that what you are going through is normal it is such a relief! For some reason we don’t talk about these things until after the fact. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to scare women away from motherhood. But I want moms to know that they aren’t alone, which is why I started this blog in the first place.

I think I’ve kind of buried a lot of the memories of the newborn phase or maybe it’s all a blur because I was so sleep deprived. So I asked some of my mom friends what they wish someone had told them before they had kids.

Here’s what they had to say:

10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Became A Mom

It’s Lonely:

There will be days and night that seem to run together in the beginning, and you’ll feel so alone. You’ll feel like you’re never going to get out of the house, but then one day you’ll get out of the newborn baby fog and you’ll feel comfortable leaving the house with them. You’ll be able to do a little more outside of the house each week, and eventually things will start to feel normal again. 

I joined a local Mom’s Club when I had my 2nd and this really helped force me out of the house. I highly recommend it if this is an option in your area.

Breastfeeding is Hard:

Before I had my first child, I don’t remember anyone telling me how hard breastfeeding was. For some moms, it just doesn’t work. It’s ok to switch to formula at ANY time. Your baby will be fine as long as you are feeding him something.

See a Lactation Consultant:

If you do decide to continue with breastfeeding though, there is help out there. See a lactation consultant. Call the hospital and they will help you schedule this. Some insurances even cover it. There are also support groups for breastfeeding mothers and this can be a great way to meet other moms who are going through the same issues.

Cluster Feeding is a Thing:

There will be days when your baby wants to eat in between feedings and you’ll feel like all you’re doing is feeding them. They may want to eat every hour. There is nothing wrong with you or your milk, it’s just something that some babies do. The good news is that they often store up for longer sleeps when they do this!

It’s Ok to Not Love Every Moment of Motherhood:

There will be hard days and times where you don’t love being a mom, but that’s just par for the course. You are not alone in feeling that way and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. It’s also ok to feel sad.

Postpartum depression is more common than you think- it affects up to 15% of mothers. With PPD feelings of sadness are more extreme and they begin to interfere with your ability to take care of yourself and your baby. If you think you might have PPD, you can learn more here and find out how to get help.

You Have To Accept Help:

People will offer to help and you have to let them! You can’t do it all alone, especially in the beginning when you’re still trying to adjust. If your friend wants to come over and help, put her to work so you can take a nap. Let her do a few loads of laundry. Let her hold the baby for a few minutes so you can go take a shower. It doesn’t make you a weaker mom, it will make you stronger when you can come back refreshed!

It takes a village! Read about how I found my village in this previous post: https://momlifewithp.com/how-i-found-my-village/

It Might Feel Like It’s Getting Harder At First:

Around week 2 the baby might start being awake more during the day (and unfortunately at night too). This is also around the time your adrenaline rush starts to wear off and you start to feel the effects of sleep deprivation catching up to you. This is when you need to reach out for help.

Your Baby Will Be OK:

Having a baby will be terrifying at times. So many of my friends referenced this part, but they want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid. Your baby will be ok and you are fully capable of keeping them alive! Each day will get easier and you’ll look back one day and see what a great job you did.

Trust Your Gut:

There are endless amounts of parenting books (and now mom blogs) out there. A lot of them will give you conflicting advice. Sometimes it will be better to just ignore it all and trust your gut. If you think you want to let your baby cry it out, do it. If you’d rather go in and hold her every time she cries in the middle of the night, DO it! Neither way is right or wrong and you have to figure out what works for you.

It Will Get Easier:

It might be really really hard in the beginning, but it will get easier. People wouldn’t keep having babies after their first time around if this wasn’t true. This was one of the best tidbits of advice a fellow mom gave me when I was a newbie. Hold on to this and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Share in the comments if you have anything else to add to this list. The more we can share to make it easier for new moms the better!

You Are Loved

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 6 Comments

I’ve hesitated to write this post for a while. I didn’t want to “open up a can of worms” about something so dark and depressing. Plus, I didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but then I thought, “What if someone really needs to hear it?”

Do I really want to take that chance if maybe what I have to say about such a controversial topic could save a life?

September is National Suicide Awareness Month. And as much as I don’t want to talk about this subject, not talking about it will only feed into the stigma that causes people to follow through with it.

People who are suffering and contemplating taking their own life need to know that they aren’t alone.

They need to know that there are people out there who will listen. People who love them and want to help.

Moms Listen Up

There will be hard days. There may even be days where you think that not living is easier than dealing with the challenges you’re facing with your kids.

Especially for new moms, there WILL be days when your baby wakes you up multiple times in the middle of the night and is inconsolable.

tired and depressed mom who wants to give up

There may be times where you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing and it’s never going to get better.

You might be so sleep deprived that you feel like you can’t function. You won’t be able to remember the last time you showered, the laundry will start piling up, and your house might feel like it’s a disaster.

You may even yell at your baby and think you aren’t worthy of being their mom. I promise you though, you are worthy and it will get better.

Some moms may feel like their kids hate them and no matter what they do, they’ll never make them happy. Those with teens, can probably vouch for this even more than the rest of us.

There may be days when you think you’re totally screwing your child up and they will never make it in the real world. There will most definitely be shouting matches and words said that you won’t be able to take back.

I’m here to tell you that even that will get better.

I remember a phase where I hated my mom and thought she knew nothing. Now I consider her one of my best friends and I turn to her in times of doubt. I may not have shown her much love from the age of 13 to probably 17 or 18. But I needed her and I loved her.

I need her now more than ever.

Everyone Needs To Hear This

Dads need to hear it too. 

You are loved!

Even on the days when you feel guilty about working all the time and not spending enough time playing catch or eating dinner with your family. You’re doing a good job and your family needs you!

Brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, nephews, nieces, friends, grandparents- you are loved too.

Everyone is loved and serves a purpose on this earth, even if you don’t feel it right now.

In your darkest hour, you may not be able to see what that purpose is. But I promise, you have a purpose!

Please don’t give up. Reach out for help. Find a reason to live and remember that you are loved.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that suicidal thoughts, much like mental health conditions, can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. In fact, suicide is often the result of an untreated mental health condition.

Suicidal thoughts, although common, should not be considered normal and often indicate more serious issues.

The month of September is spent to increase awareness, decrease the stigma, and provide resources for those who are affected by suicide. 

Below are the steps that NAMI lists to take in crisis situations:

  • If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call 911 immediately.
  • If you’re in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255).
  • You can also text NAMI at 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.

Even after I wrote this, I was doubting whether or not I should post it.

Then when I was getting dressed this morning, I saw three words stitched on the inside of my leggings. The words You Are Loved. I have at least 4 other pairs of black leggings, but these are the ones that I picked up to wear today. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.

Please reach out for help if you or someone you know is suffering. They don’t need to suffer in silence anymore.

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4 Common Myths of Self-Care

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 10 Comments

Inside: Debunking 4 Myths about Self-Care and how to avoid believing them.

Most of us know the importance of taking care of ourselves. Even though we often don’t always make the time, moms especially know that we have to take care of our own sanity so that we can take care of our family. But we often make excuses about why we don’t engage in self-care as moms.

These are some of the common reasons that people don’t spend as much time taking care of themselves as they should.

4 Myths of Self-Care Debunked

1. It Costs Too Much

While it may sound nice to get an hour-long massage and a spa pedicure once a week, its not the only way to practice self-care. There are tons of things you can do for yourself to help relieve stress that won’t cost a penny!

One of my favorite stress relievers is taking a warm bubble bath and leaving my devices in another room so I’m forced to just relax for a few minutes. Don’t forget to lock the door so your family will leave you alone!

Mom taking care of herself by doing a face mask.

2. I Don’t Have Enough Time

Again, you don’t have to get crazy here. The point is to find an amount of time that works for you and make sure you stick to it. The best thing you can do is schedule at least 30 minutes a week that are devoted to doing something that you enjoy. The more time you can do it the better, but it’s ok to start small.

3. I Don’t Know How

I struggle with this sometimes, especially since it’s so hard to slow down when I have the time. I used to avoid going to yoga classes because I was afraid that it was too hard and I felt like I couldn’t get into it mentally. A good yoga instructor will encourage you to come as you are and not judge yourself for being anxious. Just showing up for the class is better than not even going and I often have to remind myself that.

But self-care is also subjective. So if yoga is not your thing that’s ok. Maybe self-care for you means going for a walk and paying attention to your surroundings for 15 minutes.

Sometimes self-care simply means saying, “No” when someone asks you to do something and you feel like you already have too much on your plate.

4. Self-care is Selfish

This is probably the biggest myth of self-care on this list. Taking care of yourself is not only unselfish, but it’s also vital to keeping your self sane so that you can be a good mom.

As psychotherapist, Jenn Bovee says, “YOU deserve to take care of you, just as much as others deserve to have you take care of them. That means you CANNOT come last. You are not “bad” or self-indulgent” if you put yourself first. I don’t care what you’ve been taught.”

Check out my previous post on self-care for my favorite ways busy moms can take care of themselves.

Can you think of any other myths of self-care? Let us know in the comments below what has been holding you back from practicing it regularly yourself. Chances are you aren’t alone!

4 Myths About Self-Care with mom doing a yoga pose on beach

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