I’m trying to convince myself of this, but it’s hard because we don’t know how long it will really be.
I’m trying to stay positive and put on a happy face for my kids. But honestly, I’m struggling. This is hard. And there are moments that I need to just cry.
This post really isn’t going to be anything profound and may not be that helpful. But there may be someone who needs to hear this.
Most of us are now involuntarily homeschooling our kids. And when they are at home, they just want to play. They just want to watch tv and play video games.
After my first week on the job as my kids’ teacher I felt like a failure. It was like pulling teeth just to get them to do the bare minimum.
One day I told my son I was sorry that I got so frustrated and told him that I’m just not used to being a teacher. He said, “Yeah. And we’re not used to doing so much work at home either.”
I realized that it’s not just me feeling the struggle. This is new for all of us and there’s no handbook.
I’ve seen all those color-coded schedules floating around social media. They are great in theory, but they’re not for me. I need to stop trying so hard to be the perfect teacher and focus on what I know.
What I know is that my kids need me to keep getting up every day and showing up. If we don’t get through all the required work that’s ok. The teachers have even said they know they’re giving us a lot and they don’t expect us to get it all done.
Focusing On The Positive
I’m trying to find something positive to focus on every day. A few weeks ago it was raining a lot, but now the weather is nice. We’re getting outside more and enjoying the fresh air.
Today we made a chalk mosaic on our driveway. For just a moment, I forgot about the coronavirus. For a brief moment, it felt like any other day.
We’ve done some video chats with friends and family this week and that helps get me through the days too. It helps to stay connected.
There have been moments over the past week where I’ve felt lonely and hopeless, but then I remember that this too shall pass. Those moments will pass and this virus will pass eventually too.
What is helping you get through your days? Share in the comments what you’re doing. Maybe it will help someone else!
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Yesterday, while I was trying to write a blog about how to talk to your kids about coronavirus my kids kept begging me to come outside and jump on the trampoline with them. I finally gave in.
We were playing a game where they each had 20 lives and every time I made them fall down they lost a life. Then my 5 year-old-fell right on his wrist and immediately started screaming. When he didn’t stop screaming, I realized I had to take him to get it checked out.
After the x-ray technician came into our room telling me that we’d probably have to go to the ER for surgery, I called my husband sobbing.
I was crying because I felt like it was my fault, but also because now we’d have to go to the ER. I was upset because it would be the third surgery for my son at only 5. Then there was the fact that the ER was the last place we wanted to be in the midst of the current coronavirus outbreak.
The doctor reassured us that we would be ok. She said kids aren’t who are getting Covid-19. She said if we just kept at least 6 feet of distance between anyone we came into contact with, we would be ok. We could even wear a mask if we wanted to be extra careful.
She looked at my mom and said, “You shouldn’t go to the hospital though.”
The doctor then began to explain her frustrations about how our community is responding to social distancing. She said, “People aren’t listening and it’s making me angry!” She said that she wished our government could arrest people for not listening.
Someone Has To Take Care Of Us
I can only imagine how it must feel to work in healthcare right now. I’m so grateful for those brave souls that are on the front lines, exposing themselves to a disease we don’t really know everything about.
The threat is imminent that it’s going to get worse before it gets better. We know that based on what happened in China and what’s happening now in Italy.
The thing is, just a few weeks ago Italy was in our shoes. My mom was getting ready to go on a trip there with her 77-year-old sister.
They had to make a decision about whether or not the trip they’d been planning for months was worth getting quarantined in another country. One day my mom said Italy had 60 something cases of coronavirus, and two days later it was up to 600.
A Last-Minute Decision
Luckily, the night before they were supposed to leave, the risk level was increased to a 3. So they canceled their trip, just hours before their flight was supposed to leave. The agent with Delta laughed a little when my mom called to cancel her flight. She said, “But it’s beautiful here in Florence right now.”
Now, the entire country of Italy is quarantined and the death rate is over 1200. As devastated as they were, now my mom and aunt are so glad they didn’t go.
Spring Break is in a few weeks for us. We were so excited to take our boys to Jamaica to an all-inclusive resort. So now we’re in the same bind. Do we risk getting stuck in a country without adequate healthcare when this virus spreads?
I’m sure many of you have plans to go on trips and are thinking you can escape the boredom by just going anyway. But we have to reconsider.
We’re all in a situation we’ve never been in before. This is new to everyone, even all of our countries’ leaders. We have to give them a little grace when they are hesitant to react. And when they do tell us to stay home unless we have to go out, we need to listen.
The whole point of schools closing is to slow the spread. If we all just ignore the recommendation to social distance and keep having playdates we’re not going to be doing anything to help.
What We Can Do
We’re going to be like Italy in a few weeks if we don’t do something. Right now, doctors in Western Europe are having to decide between intubating a 40-year-old with kids and a 60-year-old with high blood pressure because hospitals don’t have enough beds.
I get it that people still want to support their local businesses. You can order Uber Eats or order take out. Purchase a gift card that you can use later on when all of this blows over. Or better yet, help out someone in need who can’t afford to eat out because their kids are out of school and they can’t work.
I know many of you who read this will still think that I’m overreacting and you’ll do what you want. That’s ok. I actually for once do hope that I’m wrong. The best thing that could happen is we all look back on this in a few months and laugh at how ridiculously we reacted.
But please just consider the possibility that this may not be an overreaction. Look at the facts of how fast this is spreading.
Do what you can to help slow it. Stay home. Do it for the elderly who are already sick, your parents, my kids’ grandparents, and all those who are immunocompromised.
If you agree, please help me spread the word and share this with your friends.
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If you’re considering feeding your baby formula, but worried it will make you a bad mom- think again. There’s hardly any information out there to suggest that choosing formula over breastfeeding is ok. That doesn’t mean it’s not. What’s really important is that your baby is fed!
When my 8-year-old was born, I really wanted to breastfeed but I just couldn’t.
I tried.
I really did.
Of course I’d heard about all the benefits of breastfeeding your baby, and I wanted those things. I wanted what was best for him. But continuing to breastfeed would have meant sacrificing so much.
He was never satisfied. We suffered through two hour-long breastfeeding sessions only for him to still be hungry when they were through.
I listened to my friends’ advice and asked for a lactation consultant right away while we were in the hospital. When we got home, I called the lactation hotline for more guidance.
We tried everything they recommended. I made an appointment with another lactation consultant in the hospital’s outpatient office. They showed me different feeding positions, taught me lots of tricks, and even gave me a nipple shield to help with latching. It helped a little.
But my baby still wasn’t satisfied.
He just couldn’t latch. I had plenty of milk and I was in pain because there was no release. But I would have endured all the pain in the world if he was getting the nutrients that he needed.
The bonding experience that everyone says you get from breastfeeding wasn’t there. It was quite the opposite actually. I was so stressed and resented every feeding session. I was constantly in tears, and my husband felt helpless because there was nothing he could do to help.
We Tried Everything
Finally I decided to try pumping exclusively. So that way at least my baby would be getting the nutrients of breastmilk. But then not only did I have to pump for 30 minutes every 3 hours, I still had to feed my baby. On top of that, I had to clean and sterilize the 50 tiny little plastic parts that the pump required to work. Oh, and we had the bottles that came in 5 different parts, which also had to be cleaned and sterilized after each feeding.
By the time I was done with one feeding, it would be time for another feeding session. Plus because my baby wasn’t getting enough to eat, he didn’t nap well either. As a newborn, he was only taking one or two 20 minute naps a day. I really felt like I couldn’t do anything right!
I felt like a failure as a mom.
We lasted about 4 months struggling to figure out breastfeeding and pumping.
Then I went back to work part-time and the only place that I could pump was my boss’s office. I worked intake at a psych hospital, and there was nowhere else private enough to go. I was constantly worried that my boss would forget I was in his office pumping and barge in on me. Plus I wondered if the sound of the pump would bother people in the next room who were in session. Needless to say, that didn’t last long.
At my postpartum check-up, my doctor said I had inverted nipples. She asked if it was something that I’d always had. Of course, I couldn’t remember. It could be a sign of cancer, it could be from all of the pumping, or it could be something I was born with.
I had to go to a specialist and have a biopsy to rule out cancer. Everything came back clear, but I still have to go back for yearly ultrasounds.
When I became pregnant again a few years later, my husband said, “I don’t think you should put yourself through all of that stress again! Why not just feed him formula?”
“Why Not Just Feed Him Formula?”
Was he crazy? I mean, I knew I didn’t want to go through all of that again, but what would happen if our baby didn’t get all of those nutrients that breastmilk provides? Is feeding your baby formula from the beginning even an option?
Plus, I’d heard all the bogus claims like how breastfeeding makes your babies smarter. How could a mom deprive her child of that opportunity?
So I started doing research and not only did I find out that my husband wasn’t breastfed, but I also found out that feeding your baby formula is really ok!
The American Academy of Pediatrics does recommend breastfeeding as the best nutritional source for your baby. I’m not trying to tell anyone they shouldn’t do it.
But Harvard MD Claire McCarthy says we shouldn’t demoralize formula feeding. She points out that since such a strong emphasis is put on breastfeeding, it makes it seem like it has to be all or nothing. Then more moms give up trying because they think they’re failing anyway and they might as well not try.
Mom Shaming Carries On
But people still shame moms for choosing not to breastfeed. Hospitals don’t even offer formula as an option until you ask, and even then they might try to convince you to try breastfeeding.
I can’t remember how many nurses I had to tell when we were in the hospital with our 2nd that I was going to feed him formula. I think the question was asked at every feeding. And EVERY time it was like a stab in the gut to me.
I still feel guilty when I’m with my mom friends and they start talking about breastfeeding like it’s the only option.
Listen, I now know that breastfeeding is hard, and it’s probably not easy for anyone. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try or that you should give up easily.
What’s Important Is Feeding Your Baby
What I am saying is that it’s ok if you do give up. It’s even ok if you don’t ever try. Feeding your baby formula doesn’t make you any less of a mom. It definitely doesn’t make you a bad mom. If you decide to feed your baby with formula, you are still FEEDING your baby.
Actually, according to the CDC in 2018, less than 50% of infants are exclusively breastfed through 3 months and about 25% are exclusively breastfed through 6 months. You are not alone if you decide to choose formula.
We all have to stop judging each other and start being more supportive. Everyone has the right to decide how they want to parent their children!
Being a mom is hard enough without all the judgment!
So if you have a friend who is struggling to breastfeed, please please please don’t make her feel judged. The best thing you can do is support whatever decision she makes! It’s hers to decide.
Share this with a friend that you think needs to hear it. No mom going through this should feel like they’re the only one.
Listen, I now know that breastfeeding is hard, and it’s probably not easy for anyone. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try or that you should give up easily.
