Having a baby is one of the most exciting times of a woman’s life but no one tells you how lonely it can be. Especially for stay at home moms who spend all day with their newborn or toddler, motherhood can be isolating. I remember waiting for my husband to come home and stalking his location on find my iPhone only for him to come home from work and going upstairs because he needed time to decompress.
The feeling of loneliness that being a stay at home mom brings is part of the reason that I started my counseling practice to help moms. For me, it was so isolating at times that I often questioned my decision to be a stay at home mom. I constantly contemplated going back to work, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.
I recently read a post on Instagram where the mom said that she would go to Costco just to get out of the house and be around other people. She now has her Costco membership card to prove it because in her membership photo she is wearing her baby!
Becoming a mom can be isolating and lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. It takes intention to get yourself out of the house and to find others for support. Building your “village” can be a challenge, but there are ways to do it. Read on, for my top 10 tips for overcoming the loneliness of motherhood.
Top 10 Tips For Overcoming The Loneliness of Motherhood
Put the baby in a stroller and go for a walk. Even if you just go around the block, it helps you get your endorphins flowing and being outside can also help increase your vitamin d.
Go to Target or Costco or somewhere else you like to shop so you can be around other people.
Join a moms group so that you can build your village. My friends from playgroups that I joined when my kids were little are like family now. Our kids have grown up together and our husbands are even friends.
Go to a park and actually talk to other moms. Strike up a conversation about how old their kid is or where they live. Tell them you like their shirt and ask where they got it. Talk about how hard it has been to get out of the house to go shopping since you had the baby. If it feels like someone you’d want to be friends with, you can ask for their number so you can meet up at the park again another day. They might think you’re a stalker, but who knows. Maybe they’ll give it to you and become your friend for life.
Join a Mom’s Support Group. If you’re in Georgia, we have a Postpartum Moms Therapy Group that meets every other Wednesday at 10am. We’d love to have you join us!
Find a purpose. Maybe that means going back to school, getting a small part-time job, or finding a hobby. Find something that makes you feel like you have a purpose.
Get involved in a church. This is a great way to meet other moms and they might even have childcare! Finding some sort of spirituality can help you get through difficult emotions too.
Find a way to volunteer. When your kids are old enough to go to school you can volunteer at their school. This is a great way to meet people and it also helps you feel like you have a purpose. There are also places you can volunteer and bring your kids or maybe they have childcare.
Go to mom and me events at your local library. The more you go, the more you’ll see the same moms and you can find ways to talk to them.
If you’re feeling lonely to the point that it’s making you sad most of the time, reach out to see if counseling with Patrice might be a good fit for you. We can work on other ways to help you manage those feelings and also build your village. You are not alone!
I cannot believe that it’s already December and it’s almost 2024. If reading that sentence caused your heart to skip a beat, then you aren’t alone. I’ve been avoiding putting up our Christmas countdown for this very reason.
If you’re like me, you may be frantically trying to figure out the perfect gift for your kids that doesn’t break the bank but also doesn’t include seven hundred tiny pieces. Or maybe you’re trying to plan a delicious meal for your family that won’t require you to spend all day cooking. I’m sure some of you are out searching for the ugliest Christmas sweater for your neighborhood holiday party. Or maybe you’re trying to find your boss the right gift that says you think they’re cool without being too much of a suck up.
Perhaps you’re dreading the holidays because you just survived spending all day with your family on Thanksgiving. Now you have to gear up to spend MORE time with your in-laws who never stop giving you unsolicited parenting advice. You might also be dreading the holidays because you’re missing someone you love that has either passed away or you’re no longer speaking to. If any of these are you, read on for my top 5 tips to help you manage holiday stress so that you can feel the joy of the season.
5 Tips To Help Manage Holiday Stress
Set Realistic Expectations:
Decide now what is most important to you about the holidays. Whenever you start to feel stressed, remember the reason you are celebrating. Anything that isn’t 100% necessary and doesn’t fall in line with your values is not required of you to do.
Embrace imperfection. It’s ok if your Christmas tree isn’t decorated like the ones you see posted on Instagram. Your kids will remember the memories you make together, not whether or not your decorations are picture perfect.
Practice Regular Self-Care
Scheduling self-care is always a must for moms but during already stressful times it’s even more important.
Try to take at least 20 minutes each week (daily if you can) to do something that brings you joy. Go for a walk, listen to a meditation exercise, sit by the fire with a hot cup of tea and snuggle up under a blanket, or watch a hallmark Christmas movie. Whatever it is that makes you feel rejuvenated and makes you happy, do more of that.
Need help coming up ideas for self-care? Check out this blog post where I asked 10 different moms what self-care means to them: What Self-Care Means To Moms
Say “No” and Set Boundaries:
Saying no and setting healthy boundaries can go a really long way. This can help you make sure that you’re only spending your energy on what you really want to be doing.
You don’t have to RSVP yes to every holiday party that you get invited to. It’s also ok to say no when your child’s school asks you at the last minute to collect money for the class teacher gift.
Practice Gratitude:
Show your family what the true spirit of the holiday season is all about by modeling gratitude.
Ending each day by writing down something you’re grateful for helps to shift your focus from whatever is stressing you out to something more positive.
Delegate Tasks:
It’s okay to ask for help. If you have a big holiday party coming up, don’t be afraid to ask friends to bring an app or dessert to share. Hire house cleaners to come beforehand if you can afford it. Print off address labels for your holiday cards rather than hand writing them all. You can even have your laundry picked up, cleaned, folded and delivered back to your door using a company like Tumble and Dry.
Moms think they have to be able to do it all. This is never realistic and only hurts you. Most of the time your family and friends probably want to help. But they won’t know you need it if you don’t ask them though.
Sometimes the stress of the holidays can become too much and you might need to seek the help of a professional. We can help you manage your holiday stress and anxiety. Contact Patrice for a free 10 minute phone consultation!
The holiday season is officially here and with that comes our never-ending to-do lists leading to an increase in stress for most of us. Those who struggle with anxiety may be wondering how they are going to make it through the next month. Possibly, some of us are even feeling a sense of dread instead of the elusive holiday cheer.
If you’re someone who does feel anxious or more stressed this time of year, fear not. There is hope! There are many simple things you can do to help reduce your stress and anxiety so that you can enjoy spending the holidays with your loved ones.
5 TIPS FOR REDUCING HOLIDAY STRESS AND ANXIETY
1. Practice Mindfulness
To practice mindfulness means to increase your awareness of the present moment. It’s focusing on the here and now.
There are many ways to do this, but the simplest way is to breathe. Taking deep breaths helps you get enough oxygen into your body to help it function at its best. Without enough oxygen, stress can build up leading to physical ailments like heart problems, stomach aches, and trouble sleeping. If you can incorporate 5 minutes of deep breathing into your daily routine, you’ll more than likely notice a difference in your stress level after just a few days.
More Mindfulness Stategies:
yoga
listening to music
guided imagery
progressive relaxation
meditation
focus on your 5 senses
Check out The Mayo Clinic for more mindfulness exercises and how they can help you manage holiday stress.
2. Ask For Help
Most moms tend to struggle with this. I think it’s because society puts pressure on us to do it all and we’re afraid that we might look weak if we can’t. But that’s not true! As you’ve probably heard before,
“It takes a village to raise a child.”
That means that none of us can do it on our own. We just have to learn how to reach out for help without feeling guilty about it. In my experience, when I have asked my friends to help by grabbing something for me from the grocery store or watching my kids for an hour or two while I go to a Dr’s appointment, they have actually been more than willing to help.
Helping others actually makes people feel better about themselves and anyone who is a good friend will want to help you when they can. Plus you can return the favor and help them in the future.
3. Set Boundaries
During the holidays, it can be easy to fill up your social calendar almost every day of the week. Not only are there parties and family gatherings, but you may feel pressure to participate in every food drive or cookie exchange. There are also more community events this time of year like tree lightings and holiday programs at your church or school. Then you have to factor in the time it takes to get your holiday shopping done, write and send out cards, and decorate your home.
There just isn’t enough time to do everything! So we have to say “No” to some things. You may get pushback from family or friends if you decide not to send out holiday cards this year, but that’s ok. You can always send them out for New Years or try again next year to do them earlier when you have more time.
4. Take A Technology Break
We live in a society that expects us to be “on” 24/7. Not only do people want us to answer their texts and phone calls right away, but we’re also constantly being bombarded by new information on social media. Sometimes we just need a day or even a few hours to shut off our devices and unplug from it all.
I purposely leave my phone at home when I exercise because it’s usually the only time I can get a break. If I don’t do this occasionally I find myself getting easily overwhelmed, especially during the holidays. Another idea is to put your phone in another room and turn it on silent for a set amount of time. I know this can be really challenging, but I assure you the phone call or text can wait a few minutes.
5. Be Proactive
Building in time to your schedule for self-care is crucial this time of year, especially for those who struggle with anxiety. I suggest looking at your calendar at least once a week and finding time to exercise. Even if this means 15 minutes of yoga or going for a quick walk. I would even go as far as writing this time down in your calendar so that you are more likely to honor the commitment to yourself.
It’s also important to be aware of what you’re eating and drinking. Limiting your consumption of alcohol and sweets can be challenging with all of the parties and social gatherings this time of year. But having a plan for how you’re going to handle these situations ahead of time can be really helpful. Also, remember that it’s ok to say no even when it’s really tempting to give in. Practicing this with a friend or partner ahead of time can make these difficult situations a little easier to handle.
If you don’t have a support network to help, counseling is another great option for managing holiday stress! I’d be happy to help you figure out if it might be an appropriate time to seek counseling. I offer a free 10 minute phone consultation where we can determine if the services I provide would be a good fit.
You can contact me here to schedule your free consultation today.
Why is it that every self-help article or book for moms reminds us that we have to ask for help yet moms still don’t do it?
For one thing, we all have this mentality that we should be super mom and that we have to do it all. Or at least I do anyway. Maybe that just comes from my competitive nature and the desire to be the best at everything.
I’m working on not comparing myself to others, but that’s hard to do! Especially when sometimes it feels like everyone else around me is happy and I’m not.
To make matters worse, moms are constantly being bombarded with more things to-do.
My To-do List On A Typical Day
“Mom I need more clean underwear! “
Suddenly I remember that I forgot to do that load of laundry before I ran out the door to carpool. Now I set out to move the huge pile of dirty clothes to the basement laundry room, sort it, remember to switch the clean clothes from the wash to the dryer, fold them or at least sort by person, then I can put some underwear in my son’s drawer.
As I’m going through the clean clothes I remember that my 8 year old has had yet another growth spurt and none of his pants from last year fit anymore. I make a mental note to shop online later and order him some more pants. Then I remember that the pants I ordered online last week from brands he usually wears were long enough but too loose in the waist. Maybe I can find some on Ama….I think as my thoughts are interrupted by my youngest son.
“Mom, what are we having for dinner?”
Oh yeah, I’m getting to that, as soon as I finish the laundry. Crap I forgot about the dishes in the sink. As I’m going to the sink I remember that when I did the grocery pick up order this week they were out of low carb tortillas, so I have to run out to the store if we want to have taco night. I didn’t defrost any other meat and it’s 5:30, so that’s our only option.
Husband: “You know we could just get take out. That would be a lot easier.”
But we’ve eaten take out the past 2 nights and I know that’s not good for us. We were just at the pediatrician’s office last week and I had to fudge on my answer when the nurse asked how often we eat fast food per week. Plus it costs a lot of money. And if we want to stay within our budget this month we can’t eat out every single night!
This is the constant battle moms have to face.
Figuring out how to do what’s best for our kids, but at the same time finding the best work/life balance. Which is another added stressor for many of us moms.
We’re constantly asking ourselves:
Do I go back to work full time or do I continue being a stay at home mom?
Do I take on more hours at work so we can be in a better situation with our finances?
Or do I continue working part-time so that I can be there more for my kids?
Maybe I should pick up a “side hustle” so that we can save even more. Plus my friend’s always asking me to join her business selling stuff. Then I could get it for free! (Ahem I’ve tried this one a few times!)
Another reason that we don’t ask for help is that we don’t see other moms doing it very often.
How many times have you seen a friend struggling and said, “let me know if you need anything” only to realize 6 months later that you never heard from them? Then you find out they were struggling a lot of that time and they didn’t reach out. They figured out how to make it through it themselves, or maybe they just didn’t want to ask for help.
Why is that? It’s not easy to admit that you can’t do everything it takes to be a mom on your own. We all want to show that we’re strong. Or we want to BE strong. We don’t want to admit defeat. Plus we know deep down that all the pressure we’re under is worth having kids. And we know that it’s not going to last forever.
There’s also the mentality for some that all of these things are our jobs as moms. So if we complain or ask for help we sound ungrateful. I personally also don’t really like burdening my friends or family with my problems. I feel like most of the time I created them, so why should I need help solving them?
Or maybe moms don’t like to ask for help because we’re ashamed. If we ask for help then we often have to explain why we need it. Then we wonder if we’re sharing too much about our personal life. This is probably more related to my own social anxiety than anything, but I do think more people struggle with social anxiety than not. Or at least a lot of the moms that I know do.
I know I will survive!
I’m pretty lucky to have some great friends and family who are willing to drop everything and do what they can to help me when I ask. It’s not always convenient for them, but they will help anyway. They’d rather inconvenience themselves than see me suffer, because that’s what people who truly care about you will do!
I just have to actually ask. Otherwise, they won’t even know that I need help. Most of the time they’re either too busy or too distracted with their own lives. Plus, I do a pretty good job of hiding it when I’m struggling.
So, moms, I encourage you to get past your fears, your embarrassment, and your pride. Talk to your friends and family if you’re struggling. Ask for help. Find a therapist or call your doctor. You don’t have to suffer in silence. There is so much more to life than that! Sometimes all it takes is one call to help you get back on your feet.
If you know a mom who might need to hear this, be sure to share it with her! Sharing is caring!
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Inside: Tips for surviving quarantine with young kids.
If you had told me a few months ago we would be forced to stay home and schools would be closed until further notice because of a deadly virus, I would’ve thought you were talking about a scene from a Sci-Fi movie.
When we were planning a trip to Jamaica for Spring Break last month, my husband casually mentioned getting travel insurance just in case the coronavirus became a bigger deal and we couldn’t go.
At that point, I had to google what he was talking about. I had seen a few memes on social media, but I was pretty clueless about what they meant.
About a week later, he started hoarding non-perishables in bulk from Amazon and I still thought he was crazy. Fast forward to today, and I’m glad we got the travel insurance. My only regret is not stocking up on more toilet paper.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve heard a lot of advice about everything from social distancing to protecting our health, mastering homeschooling and even parenting. Some of it has been good advice, and some bad. MOST if it has been well-meaning, but it hasn’t always been credible. The challenge is, figuring out who is right.
But the best thing I’ve read is that it’s ok to feel all the feels.
Recently I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions. I’ve had feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, hopelessness, joy, laughter, exhaustion, gratitude, confusion, and doubt. The reality is with at least another month of social distancing to go, I’m going to keep feeling all of these things and more.
I’m trying really hard to give myself self-compassion and grace. This pandemic is new to all of us. So we have to cut ourselves some slack. We’re all still figuring this out and adjusting to a new way of life.
If that means we allow our kids to play more video games and eat more sugar, it’s ok.
I’m trying to be more of a “yes mom” right now because I want my kids to be happy. Being stuck at home for weeks at a time is hard enough and I really want to try to make it fun for them.
Plus sometimes there’s really no way to get a break other than by letting them watch tv or play video games. If that means that I’m the world’s okayest mom, I’m fine with it.
So go ahead, feel all the feels.
But that doesn’t mean you have to let all those negative feelings rule your life.
How do we stop them though?
For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to figure that out. I’ve written blogs on self-care and as a former therapist, you’d think I’d have this part down pat.
But a lot of my tips don’t really apply to this new way of life. I can’t go get a massage or a pedicure. Meeting up with my girlfriends for dinner is obviously out of the question. The gym is closed. I can’t really go ANYWHERE!
To be honest, there’ve been days when I haven’t had any motivation to do the things I know I should be doing to cope. But I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other and going through the motions, hoping that eventually it will pay off and I’ll wake up from this bad dream.
There have still been ups and downs, but I’m starting to figure out how to cope.
3 WAYS I’M SURVIVING QUARANTINE
How each of us copes with quarantine will be different. You have to figure out what works for you.
Here are a few tips to help you do that:
Think about what makes you happy. What do you enjoy doing? Do you have any hobbies?
What can you do to escape from all of the negativity and bad news?
Learn a new skill. You could take an online class or learn how to knit. You can learn almost anything by watching YouTube videos.
Do those things every day or as often as you can.
This is what I’ve been trying to do every day to help me cope:
Creating Art
Walking or Running
Reading
CREATING ART
For me, art doesn’t have to be anything fancy. If I think about it too hard, I’ll get hung up on being perfect and that’ll stop me from doing it.
Color Your Heart, is a great activity you can do every day that will be kind of like an art journal for how you’re feeling.
Here’s how you do it:
– Write down the feelings you’re having.
– Choose a color to go with each feeling.
– Color in your heart to show how you’re feeling.
Here’s the one I did earlier this week.
My kids found it and wanted to do one too. This is a great activity for helping your kids express how they’re feeling and helps you open up the conversation if you haven’t been sure how to do that.
WALKING OR RUNNING
Just getting outside and moving has been a priority for me over the past few weeks. I usually prefer running, but since I haven’t had much energy lately I’ve been doing a lot more walking.
It doesn’t really matter though. Getting out of the house by myself and moving my body is what helps me!
READING
I love to read and get wrapped up in a book. Sometimes I stay up way too late at night reading, but I guess there could be worse things!
I just finished the book I Owe You One, by Sophie Konsella.
It’s a great book about love, empowerment and how our families make us who we are. It has a happy ending, which we can definitely all use right now!
If you’re looking for a book that’s a little more suspenseful, The Wives by Tarryn Fisher is for you. It will keep you guessing until the very end and you won’t want to put it down.
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I’m trying my best to find the good in every day and celebrate the small wins. I know there will still be moments of sadness, fear, and anger about our situation. But what matters most right now is that my family is safe. We’re spending more time together than we ever have and we’re trying to treasure that.
One day this will all be a distant memory!
If you enjoyed reading this, please share it with someone who you think needs to hear it!
I’m coming back to my series on self-care to talk to you about why yoga is the best form of self-care for moms. After last week’s scare, I needed to go to yoga more than ever!
It’s easy to skip my weekly yoga sessions, but when I don’t go I suffer for it. Not only does my anxiety start to ramp up, but my body starts to ache in places it shouldn’t. I’m more irritable and short-fused with my kids, so my family suffers too.
All moms can benefit from yoga. Our bodies go through so much when we have babies and they need self-love to get their strength back after carrying around babies for 9 months. Our organs and ligaments are moved and stretched in ways we never thought possible when we dreamt of having babies. Yoga can help moms realign their mind, body, and soul.
I used to think that you had to be super flexible and able to sit still for long periods of time to do yoga.
I pictured a yogi standing on his head or a buddhist monk sitting in silence bowing with his hands at his heart. Although that might be the goal for some types, it’s not always true.
Moms Can Do Yoga Too
Maybe my misperception about yoga came from the fact that the first time I went to a class, I found myself staring at the teacher with a lost in space look on my face for 90% of the class.
I think that time I had picked the wrong class. There are yoga classes that are tailored more to beginners though and some don’t require much skill at all.
I love to go to Yin Yoga at my gym. According to Yogi Approved “Yin is a slow, soothing, and meditative style of yoga that targets the deep connective tissues, bones, joints, fascia, and ligaments in the body.”
You hold most poses for around 5 minutes so that you can get deeper into each pose. The biggest challenge here is not wiggling and being still. But the best part about the class I go to is the teacher reminds you that it doesn’t have to be perfect.
Just showing up is an accomplishment and there shouldn’t be any judgment for how good our bad you do each pose.
BENEFITS OF DOING YOGA
The stress we endure as moms builds up over time. If we don’t do anything about it, it can be traumatic to our bodies emotionally and physically.
Our Yin instructor constantly reminds us that we should be doing something every day to reduce some of that stress that our body is holding. It can be as simple as taking 5 minutes a day to do child’s pose and focus on taking deep breaths.
5 Benefits Of Yoga For Moms
IT HELPS WITH STRESS RELIEF
By doing deep breathing and meditating techniques during yoga, you retrain your brain to slow down. Alot of different emotions can come up in Yin Yoga. Not only are you going deeper into poses, but you are going deeper into your heart.
Sometimes I start crying without warning. The first time this happened, I thought something was wrong with me! I was so embarrassed and tried to hide my tears, but the instructor must have seen me.
She said to let whatever emotions stir up be what they are. To notice them and be aware of them, but not to judge yourself for them. It can be really cleansing!
IT LENGTHENS YOUR MUSCLES AND MAKES YOUR BODY STRONGER
Yin yoga targets lengthening and stretching your deep connective tissue. The more you do this, the more you actually slow your body’s aging process. I don’t know about you, but after having kids, I feel like my body has aged 100 years so I can use all the help I can get to restore my youth!
IT HELPS INCREASE YOUR BALANCE
You won’t do too many difficult poses that require you to stand on your head during Yin Yoga, but staying in a pose for 5 minutes is still challenging. Some people even find this type of yoga harder than other types like Ashtanga which is super fast paced.
IT HELPS CLEAR YOUR MIND
How many hundreds of things do moms have on our mind at any given time? When you go to yoga, you are encouraged to focus on the here and now.
It may take you a few moments or even a few sessions to be able to turn off the never-ending to-do list in your head, but it helps to have a quiet space with little distractions.
IT CAN BE A PLACE TO MAKE FRIENDS
If you find the right yoga studio, it can be a great place to make friends with other moms who understand the struggles of mom life. You have to get out there and try to build your village.
People who do yoga are almost always more calm for at least a few minutes afterward. You can take advantage of that and strike up a conversation with the other mom’s in the class. You could comment on your neighbor’s yoga mat or ask them where they got their yoga pants. You never know. You might connect with someone new!
Yoga may not be for everyone, but for me it’s a must. If I don’t go to yoga at least once a week, I notice a big difference in my mood and my body. I hope you’ll give it a try!
Even if there isn’t a yoga studio near you, you can find some pretty good videos online. If you just can’t find the time to do it by yourself, there is a really cute program on youtube that you can do with your kids called Cosmic Kids. My kids love it!
Make sure to share this post on social media if you liked it so that others can read it too!
Moms know that self-care is crucial to survival. Without taking care of ourselves, we end up burnt out, exhausted and short-fused.
But self-care means something different for everyone. It’s whatever makes you feel better and how you find peace in the chaos.
10 Mom Bloggers Share About Self-Care
I rounded up 10 different mommy bloggers and asked them what self-care means to them. Here’s what they had to say:
ASK THESE QUESTIONS
Rianna Lynn writes about how her anxiety spiked after spending a day kayaking on the lake. When she realized she had to go home to all the things she had to do and go get her kids, she felt overwhelmed and exhausted.
She states, “Postpartum Anxiety and Postpartum Depression can manifest as pure exhaustion some days. Oftentimes we overlook taking care of our basic needs when we are responsible for tiny humans, so remind yourself to stop and check-in with your body and see what you need.
Have I eaten a nutritious meal recently?
Did I drink enough water today?
Am I trying to pile too many things into my day?
Have I moved my body today?
Have I been outside today?
If you can check off each of these simple self-care steps, you will feel more like a human being when your PPA/PPD is weighing on you.
Read more about her take on self-care for PPA and PPD on her blog riannalynn.com.
“I never knew that once I became a mom, my world would be turned upside down. Prior to motherhood, I was a very active, sporty person who loved to go skiing during the weekend. Needless to say, after I became a mom, this was no longer an option.
And this extends beyond ski trips. For example, if I want to go for a run or to the gym, I must find someone to look after my child. This is not always easy, especially when we don’t have family around where we live. The alternative? I opt for doing little things at home to ensure my wellness is looked after.
One of the things I love doing is yoga via Youtube. I can do this when my baby is taking her nap. Sometimes I’ll even stretch with her. She finds it amusing whenever I do a downward facing dog pose. Additionally, to care for my mental health, I started a blog! This helps me to unwind my thoughts about the many difficulties such as breastfeeding and maternity leave. I believe that self-care can be achieved as long as one puts it as a priority.”
SELF-CARE IS SACRED
Mikaela at The Messy Bun Mommy writes, “Self-care looks different on every mom. Some moms love working out, some like getting their hair and nails done, and some simply like to take long hot baths after the babies are in bed.
For me personally, self-care is just anything that I can fit into my day that is just for me. This can be a wide range of things from working out to just taking a couple extra minutes in the shower.
During self-care time it is important to remember that you cannot properly care for your children if you don’t take care of yourself. Self-care, to me, is investing in yourself so that you have the ability to share your wealth with your children.
Sometimes it is difficult to find the time, but just a few minutes a day to take a breath and bring your mind back to your body and self can help so much. Chasing babies is hard. Raising babies is hard. Don’t let your tires go flat, because then you can’t move forward.”
KEEP IT SIMPLE
Linda at All About Baby shares what self-care means to her:
For me self care can be something as simple as eating your favorite candy after the baby is in bed and you can actually enjoy it without having to share with your little one. Or a really good face mask after a nice hot shower while your partner is watching the baby. It doesn’t have to be anything big really.
After all it is very important to recharge your own battery even if it is only five minutes a day. Like they always say “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
One thing I really do enjoy a lot is getting out and for a pedicure once a month. That is self-care and well deserved alone time combined. A pedicure is a great thing to do with a friend too if you prefer that.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH FIRST
Hannah Denison is starting to get back into the self-care routine as a new mom. Here’s what she had to say about how:
“Self-care is so necessary. As a first time mum it took a step on the back burner for me. My daughter is now a little over 19 months and I’m getting back into finding out what self-care means to me. At 19 months, we finally have her routine down. I know she will take an afternoon nap, around an hour long, and go to bed at 6:30 pm. She usually gets a solid 12 hours.
Now in the evening, I find myself with time for self-care. For me self-care starts with my health and eating right. At night I meal prep to make sure I’m eating right everyday with how busy it can get running around after a toddler. One thing I make every night is over night oats which have many health benefits and even can help with milk production . This is very important to me as I continue to breastfeed.
My favorite part of self care though is making myself feel and look good. Just last week I painted my nails for the first time in months and I had forgotten how good it felt to feel more put together. I even had a mum friend compliment me on my nails the next day which felt great!
I also do face masks a few times in the week. I love the feeling of my skin after a face mask and taking the time during them to relax. I definitely neglected these things whilst finding my footing as a new mum, but am glad to be practicing self care more regularly now as I find my rhythm as a mum.”
Monica at Just Being Monica juggles two jobs as well as her job as a mom. She shared these tips on how she makes it work:
Self-care means putting myself first so I can be around for a long time to watch my daughter grow up.
With kids, work and everything else, life can get hectic very quickly. I’m aware of the time and take frequent breaks going for walks, taking a few deep breaths, stretching my body.
Taking care of myself is essential to ensure I can be a better mother to my little one, look after my furbabies and excel in my two jobs.
I focus on my wellbeing, and these are a few things I try to do:
Don’t take too much on. Learn to say NO.
Sleep well. The body and brain need it.
Eat healthy food.
Don’t stress about what I can’t control.
Concentrate on solutions, not problems.
Exercise daily. It gives me more energy.
Read a book. Reading is excellent for the mind and the soul.
Meditate. It quiets the mind and reduces anxiety and stress.
Spend quality time with my daughter and dogs.
Get help when I need it.
REFILL YOUR BATTERY
My name is Karissa, a boy mama and blogger at FitMommyStrong, I help new & expecting moms prepare for postpartum/life after birth day!
Personally self-care to me means getting ANY kind of alone time for yourself that will allow you to refill your battery for the day. As a toddler mama, this usually comes in short spurts throughout the day such as 1-hr nap time = 30 mins nap for myself and then knocking out some chores.
I also try to schedule myself time throughout the month on days my husband is home where I can simply get out of the house alone. Whether it’s to run errands, get a haircut, etc…I truly think it’s individually based. I’m very introverted, so I tend to go for more introverted activities if that makes sense 🙂 Regardless, refill those cups mama – you deserve it!
AVOID THE RINSE & REPEAT CYCLE
Jody at Solid Parent knows how important self-care is. Here’s what she had to say:
“As a mother who works full time and raises three kids, I find that self-care is the most important part of my week. Too many times I have found myself trapped in what I call the rinse and repeat cycle. I cook, I clean, I help with homework, I read books, I play make-believe and I work. If I don’t take time for myself, I get down and out and depressed.
My go-to self-care routine is taking a nice hot bath, surrounded by scented candles and soft music in the background. After the bath, I like to put on a guided meditation. One that is rooted in gratitude and abundance. I enjoy just sitting quietly, without any interruptions.
My second favorite self-care trick is to make a plan with a couple of friends to go out and listen to live music. I love to dance and I love live music. This is not something I get to do weekly, but I do try for it every couple of weeks to once a month. It makes me feel like Jody for a moment, instead of wife or mother.
When I don’t take time for myself, my whole family suffers. They need me to be at my best, so I can rise them up as well!”
SCHEDULE IT IN
Hi, I’m Jenn, and I write at healthyhappyimpactful.com! I’ve got three kids ages 8,5, and 1. After my second child, I realized that self-care was something I had to fight for if I wanted a happy life.
As a mom, we put everyone else first, but often put ourselves on the back burner. This was leading to a lot of stress and anxiety.
So, now I schedule, schedule, schedule. Time with friends. Morning exercise and meditation. Even the little things like taking a bath on Wednesday nights are in there. You have to make it a priority!
She writes, “Self-care, to me is about allowing myself a bit of extra time in the morning before my toddler wakes up for the day. So that I can get in some breathing space, a hot coffee, and maybe a quick yoga practice.
Self-care activities in my world are small but performed often. It’s breathing exercises in the car or mini foot massages while I read my daughter a story. It’s taking time to notice how my body feels and what I’m really needing to nourish it in that moment.
The ultimate act of self-care to me is slowing down and accepting when you need that extra bit of time and giving yourself that breathing room.
I’d encourage every mother to reframe the way they think about self-care as a necessity instead of a luxury. The more we take care of ourselves, the better placed we are to take care of our children.”
Even though they all have a different idea about what taking care of themselves means, these moms all know how important it is. Make sure to check out their blogs to read more about how they survive the challenges of motherhood!
So let’s be real. The gift that moms really want is not something you can buy from a store. What moms really want is to be able to drink their coffee while it’s hot and pee alone in peace. The best gift you can give is to take the kids out of the house so they can do whatever they please for a few hours.
But if you insist on buying a Valentine’s gift for the mom in your life here a few ideas. Better yet, give her one or two of these gifts and then take the kids out of the house so she can actually use them!
I’m doing a series on self-care. So I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my favorite things that I like to use to take care of myself.
IDEAS TO HELP YOU GET ORGANIZED
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I love anything by Kate Spade. How cute is this journal my sister-in-law got me for Christmas? She has good taste!
I would love to have this sticky note set to write my never ending to-do lists. They may never get done, but at least they would look good!
If the mom in your life is anything like me, when they get the chance to relax in the tub, they light a candle too. These Woodwick Candles make a crackling sound when you burn them. So they help soothe your sense of sound more than just a regular candle would.
BOOKS TO READ
I love to read any chance I get. Getting into a good book can really help me forget about whatever mom stress I’m dealing with. The only downside is that I stay up too late reading. Then I still have to get up super early to take my kids to school. I don’t think that’s going to stop me anytime soon though. Here are a few of my favorite books that I’ve read recently:
GIFTS TO PAMPER
Most of the time, moms are the ones to get up in the middle of the night with the crying baby, so we often lose sleep. Kate Somerville’s Intensive Exfoliating Treatment can help! It improves the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles including crow’s feet. The best part is that it only takes 2 minutes to use! A little goes a long way so don’t let the price tag fool you. You can make the travel size stretch for several months!
You can follow the exfoliator up with this Organic Rose Water by Insta Natural. If you have sensitive skin, I highly recommend this. It not only soothes and hydrates, but it naturally balances your skin’s ph to help you get your natural glow back.
In the Winter, I love to wear my Lamo Moccasin slippers around the house to keep my feet warm. You can never have too many pairs of slippers. Since they do get a little stinky after about a year, it’s nice to trade them out for new ones.
I hope this helps you decide what to get that mom in your life who needs a little help taking care of herself this Valentine’s Day!
If you’re a mom reading this, share what you hope to get for Valentine’s Day. I would have added chocolate, but I kind of want that from a local chocolate store, not the kind you can get on Amazon!
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I haven’t always been a runner though. I played basketball in high school and when our coach made us run suicides, I was always the last one to cross the line.
When I got to college, I realized I could go for a run without sprinting until I felt like I was going to puke. That’s when I found my love for running. I remember running through campus on Friday afternoons seeing all of the campers getting set up to tailgate during football season.
In the off season, I’d run with some of my friends to where the Florida Gator practice field was and sometimes we’d be lucky enough to see the players leaving the field. There are so many benefits to running that you wouldn’t think of. You can get to more places on foot than you can with a car!
Running To Explore
There have been times when we’ve been on vacation and my husband and I have run in places that we wouldn’t have normally seen if we didn’t go for a run. Once when we were in wine country, we ran for a few miles and explored some of the wineries we wanted to check out later.
There’s nothing like running down the Las Vegas strip before it gets too crowded. You will have to dodge a few homeless people and shameless promoters trying to shove their pamphlets down your throat. You can avoid some of it if you go early enough. If you get out before everyone wakes up from their hang overs, you won’t have to run as much of a maze dodging the sea of tourists.
In the summer you can find me running on the beach in the morning before it gets too hot. I love listening to the waves, the cool breeze next to the water, and the smell of the fresh salty air.
Running is good for bloggers too. Blogging can be really isolating at times. Being your own boss is awesome, most of the time, but sometimes it’s not.
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Somedays I wake up and I just can’t get motivated to write.
There are days when I literally want to crawl back into bed and get up on the other side to see if it feels any better. Sometimes it works, but that usually just makes me groggy and less motivated to write. On those days, the last thing I want to do is run! But if I can just get my shoes on and my butt out the door, that’s usually all it takes.
Once I get outside, I almost always end up running. It may only be for a mile or two sometimes, but even if I walk, I still feel better. Most of the time, I end up running more than I thought I could. I ALWAYS feel so much better after a run. Just being outside can be an instant mood lifter for me. I love the outdoors and need natural vitamin d to make it through my day.
I forget about all the stresses of mom life for a while.
I do some of my best thinking during my runs. Until recently, I ran without my phone because it helped me unplug for 30-40 minutes a few times a week. Then I got some pretty sweet headphones for Christmas, and I’ve grown to appreciate running with music. Sometimes I prefer to be alone with my thoughts though. It doesn’t really matter, as long as I just run.
HERE’S WHY RUNNING HELPS MOMS
1. HELPS YOU FOCUS ON YOURSELF
When you’re running, you can’t see how dirty your house is and you can’t do dishes, fold laundry, or vacuum the floors. You don’t have to wait on your children or break up fights. It’s just you and the road.
2. GETS YOUR ENDORPHINS FLOWING
Runners high is a real thing! Scientists did a study on runner’s brains and found that their prefrontal and limbic systems were releasing endorphins that led to feelings of euphoria and calmness. Apparently, exercising with others or listening to music when you’re alone can increase the spike of endorphins too!
3. INEXPENSIVE EXERCISE
Other than having to get a pair of good shoes, running doesn’t cost you a penny! You can run anywhere and you don’t have to pay crazy gym membership fees. Moms don’t like having to spend money on themselves so this is important!
4. MODELS HEALTHY BEHAVIOR FOR YOUR KIDS
Your kids learn from watching you. If they see you taking care of your body and making exercise a priority, they will hopefully eventually want to do it too.
5. GETS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE
You know that feeling when you get after being stuck at home with a sick kid for 3 days in a row? I do and it’s not fun! Getting outside to run when it all passes gets me back on my feet. If I can get someone to watch the kids so I can get a break before then, I will quickly take advantage!
6. HELPS PREVENT DISEASE AND ILLNESS
Regular exercise can help reduce your risk for heart disease and several cancers including breast, colorectal, and uterine cancers. It also helps your body regulate its hormone levels which not only reduces your risk for developing cancer, but also helps improve your mood.
7. IMPROVES MEMORY
We all know that mom brain is a real thing, but a study by the mayo clinic has shown that regular exercise may reduce improve your memory and reduce your risk for Alzheimers disease!
8. YOU CAN RUN WITH FRIENDS
It can be hard to keep a conversation going while running, but moms need someone to vent to sometimes. Your running buddy can be your biggest support. If you don’t have one, there are usually running groups you can join in your area.
So get yourself a good pair of running shoes and hit the pavement. If you can’t run, go for a walk. I promise you getting your body moving is worth the effort and you will feel better, even if only temporarily!
Running is alone time that lets my brain unspool the tangles that build up over days.
– Rob Haneisen
These are a few of the ways that running helps moms. If you’re looking for more ways to add in self-care into your daily routine, stay tuned. I will be featuring a series on self-care over the next few weeks. Make sure to follow @momlifewithp on Instagram so you don’t miss anything!
I’ve hesitated to write this post for a while. I didn’t want to “open up a can of worms” about something so dark and depressing. Plus, I didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but then I thought, “What if someone really needs to hear it?”
Do I really want to take that chance if maybe what I have to say about such a controversial topic could save a life?
September is National Suicide Awareness Month. And as much as I don’t want to talk about this subject, not talking about it will only feed into the stigma that causes people to follow through with it.
People who are suffering and contemplating taking their own life need to know that they aren’t alone.
They need to know that there are people out there who will listen. People who love them and want to help.
Moms Listen Up
There will be hard days. There may even be days where you think that not living is easier than dealing with the challenges you’re facing with your kids.
Especially for new moms, there WILL be days when your baby wakes you up multiple times in the middle of the night and is inconsolable.
There may be times where you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing and it’s never going to get better.
You might be so sleep deprived that you feel like you can’t function. You won’t be able to remember the last time you showered, the laundry will start piling up, and your house might feel like it’s a disaster.
You may even yell at your baby and think you aren’t worthy of being their mom. I promise you though, you are worthy and it will get better.
Some moms may feel like their kids hate them and no matter what they do, they’ll never make them happy. Those with teens, can probably vouch for this even more than the rest of us.
There may be days when you think you’re totally screwing your child up and they will never make it in the real world. There will most definitely be shouting matches and words said that you won’t be able to take back.
I’m here to tell you that even that will get better.
I remember a phase where I hated my mom and thought she knew nothing. Now I consider her one of my best friends and I turn to her in times of doubt. I may not have shown her much love from the age of 13 to probably 17 or 18. But I needed her and I loved her.
I need her now more than ever.
Everyone Needs To Hear This
Dads need to hear it too.
You are loved!
Even on the days when you feel guilty about working all the time and not spending enough time playing catch or eating dinner with your family. You’re doing a good job and your family needs you!
Brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, nephews, nieces, friends, grandparents- you are loved too.
Everyone is loved and serves a purpose on this earth, even if you don’t feel it right now.
In your darkest hour, you may not be able to see what that purpose is. But I promise, you have a purpose!
Please don’t give up. Reach out for help. Find a reason to live and remember that you are loved.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that suicidal thoughts, much like mental health conditions, can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. In fact, suicide is often the result of an untreated mental health condition.
Suicidal thoughts, although common, should not be considered normal and often indicate more serious issues.
The month of September is spent to increase awareness, decrease the stigma, and provide resources for those who are affected by suicide.
Below are the steps that NAMI lists to take in crisis situations:
If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call 911 immediately.
If you’re in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255).
You can also text NAMI at 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
Even after I wrote this, I was doubting whether or not I should post it.
Then when I was getting dressed this morning, I saw three words stitched on the inside of my leggings. The words You Are Loved. I have at least 4 other pairs of black leggings, but these are the ones that I picked up to wear today. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.
Please reach out for help if you or someone you know is suffering. They don’t need to suffer in silence anymore.
