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8 Things To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 3 Comments

If you’ve never actually been depressed yourself, it can be hard to know the right thing to say to someone else who’s going through it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help.

Sometimes when I go through periods of depression everything just feels so hard. It can be a struggle to do little things, like going to the grocery store to buy a carton of milk. Every little thing can feel so overwhelming and huge. Sometimes when my depression gets really bad, all I want to do is sleep. This can go on for days. Fortunately though, or maybe unfortunately- when I get like this I know it’s going to get better, because I’ve been through it before.

Hope Shines Brightest In The Darkness

It’s not always easy, but I can usually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it feels so far away and sometimes it does take time to get there. I’m not sure how much easier that really makes it, but it does give me a small amount of hope. And when my depression gets really bad, any tiny little bit of hope is enough to get me through to the next day.

Offering hope is important when someone is depressed

I was going through a dark period like this last week. I’m not sure what exactly it was that helped me climb out of it, but I did. Maybe it was buying myself a really expensive pillow, or maybe it was going for a run on a beautiful day by the river. It could have been the friend I reached out to who said what I really needed to hear. Maybe it was the fact that I was able to get an appointment to see a psychiatrist so that I can hopefully get on the right medication. I’m sure it was actually a combination of all these things, but after I reached out to that one friend it felt like a turning point for me.

She was the cheerleader that I needed to get me out of my funk. 

I’ve noticed how hard these episodes of depression can be on my family. And I can see how helpless they feel when they don’t know what else to do to help and they don’t feel like they know the right words to say. I’m sure other people feel the same, so I wanted to share some things that people have said that helped me. So that you can be the cheerleader that your loved one needs the next time they’re struggling.

8 THINGS TO SAY TO HELP WHEN SOMEONE IS DEPRESSED

1. It’s going to be ok.

2. I may not understand, but I’m here for you.

3. You are not alone.

Depression can feel SO isolating, but knowing that you don’t have to go through it alone can make a huge difference.

4. You matter to me.

5. Let’s go for a walk.

Get them out of the house. Being stuck inside is not good for someone who is depressed. 

6. You are strong enough to get through this.

7. Even though you’re going through this, you are still a good mom.

Mom guilt is bad enough on a regular day, but when you’re depressed you feel like you’re not good enough. You get into a spiral of negative thinking and then of course you feel like a horrible mom. Check out my previous post here for some tips on getting through mom guilt.

8. It’s ok to not be ok.

These are some of the things you can say to help someone who is depressed. But in the end, showing that you care is what matters most.

If someone you know is struggling with depression, help them get the help they need. They don’t have to suffer! Psychology Today is a great resource for finding therapists in your area or they can always talk to their primary care doctor.

Maybe there’s someone you know who you think might be depressed, but you’re not really sure. Here are a few signs and symptoms of depression that might help you decide whether or not you should talk to them about it.

COMMON SIGNS & SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

  • They stop wanting to hang out as much as usual.
  • Avoiding your calls or texts.
  • Frequently canceling plans.
  • Their mind seems to be somewhere else.
  • Constantly focusing on the negative.
  • Having a hard time getting things done at work, school, or around the house.
  • Has lost interest in doing things they normally do.
  • Doesn’t want to get out of bed and/or thinks about going back to bed when they wake up in the morning.
  • Headaches and muscle pain or other physical symptoms without a medical reason.
  • Sudden weight loss or gain.

Here’s an anxiety and depression checklist that might help you decide if you should be concerned. The National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) also has great resources including free online support groups.

If you’ve ever struggled with depression, what’s something that someone said that helped you?

pinterest 8 things to say when someone is depressed

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Featured a mom trying to manage anxiety and depression

Living With Anxiety and Depression In Times of Extreme Uncertainty

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 13 Comments

My journey as a mom has been like a rollercoaster ride.

I’m happy to say that right now I feel like I’m coming to a smooth part of the ride. The part that’s after the thrill where you can sit back and enjoy the adrenaline high. The part where you don’t want it to end, but you know you’ll have to get off soon.

You might be wondering how this could be possible when we’re in the middle of a pandemic. Our world is filled with so much uncertainty, yet I’m feeling so good.

Back in March, this was definitely not the case. When quarantine started I was feeling ok. My 5-year-old had just broken his arm and needed surgery. We were stuck at home and I was forced to homeschool my kids.

My daily routine of getting up at 6:30, taking the kids to school, coming home to make a nice breakfast, going for a run or to a class at the gym, spending a few hours writing, cleaning up, and doing some laundry had all been thrown out the window.

I wasn’t even going to the grocery store anymore. I’d lost my girls’ nights out and couldn’t’ see my friends at playgroups or PTA meetings.

Despite all of this, I was still surviving and remained optimistic. I was getting my runs in when I could, but they slowly turned into walks.

Taking A Turn For The Worse

At some point, I started to have less energy. I’d drag myself out of bed in the morning, but I immediately couldn’t stop thinking about how good it would feel to go back to bed later that day.

mom struggling with anxiety and depression

I had no interest in playing with my kids. As the weeks went by, I was still going for my walks, but the whole time I was out walking I’d dread having to go back home.

I kept hearing from other moms and parenting experts that I needed to find a routine. They were saying that it would help us get through virtual learning and would help me feel better. I just didn’t have the energy to do it.

Then I started to dread everything. It felt like there’d never be anything to look forward to again. I felt so hopeless. I’m not going to say I lost hope, but I could see how some people in my situation could have.

Even though I had people all around me telling me how much they loved me, I just felt so sad.

Luckily, I had started going to a therapist right before all of this happened. So I had already built a relationship with her.

She had mentioned medication a few times in January when we first met. But I told her it wasn’t something I wanted to try. I’d tried medication before and didn’t like the way it made me feel.

As a good therapist should, she persisted. Finally one day, she pointed out that taking medication would be like giving me training wheels. It could help give me just enough motivation and energy to use the tools we were practicing during therapy.

How One Phone Call Can Mean So Much

Then a good friend called me. She’d noticed that I wasn’t the same and told me about her experience with medication. She told me how much it had helped her and gave me the name of her doctor.

I was able to get in the same week, and was started on an antidepressant right away. After just a few days, I started to have energy again. Then after a few weeks of taking it, I felt like another person.

During my therapy sessions, I started noticing myself falling into negative or anxious thought patterns again. This time my reaction was different though. I noticed when I was doing it and was able to stop myself. It finally dawned on me how that is the whole point of going to counseling!

There’s no magic pill that will solve all your problems. Taking medication was life-changing for me though.

Fighting The Resistance

It’s not easy to share my story with the world. But I know how long I resisted taking medications and how much it ended up helping me once I finally gave it another try. The only regret I have now is that I didn’t try it sooner.

Over the past few days, I’ve been hearing story after story of other moms struggling. I realized that if I let my fear of being vulnerable stop me from sharing, then I may be missing out on helping someone who really needs to hear that they aren’t alone.

 

Moms are struggling now more than ever! Experts agree that coronavirus is taking a larger toll on women, especially moms.

On top of all our regular motherly duties we are juggling virtual learning, keeping our kids’ safe, making sure the masks are always clean, and trying to figure out a way to maintain a socially distant social life.

I don’t know what I would have done without my husband a few months ago. Not only did he remind me that my family needed me, but he took on many of the household tasks I usually did.

I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I was working a full-time job on top of everything else.

It may seem like it’s easy for someone like me who is a former therapist to say how much it can help. But I’ve seen so many different counselors over the years, and it wasn’t until a few months ago that I really felt like it was helping.

Moving Forward

Part of that could be that it wasn’t the right fit. Or maybe I wasn’t doing the homework that I needed to really change. But I think this time, the medication really did give me the extra boost that I needed to move forward.

I’m not going to say that I’m completely cured. Medication isn’t the end all be all. There will still be hard days. Especially right now, with a pandemic that isn’t going away anytime soon.

My kids are going to be little for a while and are going to be needy. My free time will be limited and there will be other bumps and turns on the roller coaster along the way. There may even be times where the ride malfunctions and I’ll have to call for back up.

At least now I have this period where I’m feeling good to look back on. If I do start to spiral again, I’ll know that there is hope. I’ll be able to really say to myself this too shall pass and believe it.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help. Even if you’ve tried getting help before and it didn’t seem to work. Try again!

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8 Things To Say When Someone Who Is Depressed

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Pinterest Managing Anxiety and Depression as a Mom in Times of Extreme Uncertainty with a sad mom holding her son

You Are Loved

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 6 Comments

I’ve hesitated to write this post for a while. I didn’t want to “open up a can of worms” about something so dark and depressing. Plus, I didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer, but then I thought, “What if someone really needs to hear it?”

Do I really want to take that chance if maybe what I have to say about such a controversial topic could save a life?

September is National Suicide Awareness Month. And as much as I don’t want to talk about this subject, not talking about it will only feed into the stigma that causes people to follow through with it.

People who are suffering and contemplating taking their own life need to know that they aren’t alone.

They need to know that there are people out there who will listen. People who love them and want to help.

Moms Listen Up

There will be hard days. There may even be days where you think that not living is easier than dealing with the challenges you’re facing with your kids.

Especially for new moms, there WILL be days when your baby wakes you up multiple times in the middle of the night and is inconsolable.

tired and depressed mom who wants to give up

There may be times where you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing and it’s never going to get better.

You might be so sleep deprived that you feel like you can’t function. You won’t be able to remember the last time you showered, the laundry will start piling up, and your house might feel like it’s a disaster.

You may even yell at your baby and think you aren’t worthy of being their mom. I promise you though, you are worthy and it will get better.

Some moms may feel like their kids hate them and no matter what they do, they’ll never make them happy. Those with teens, can probably vouch for this even more than the rest of us.

There may be days when you think you’re totally screwing your child up and they will never make it in the real world. There will most definitely be shouting matches and words said that you won’t be able to take back.

I’m here to tell you that even that will get better.

I remember a phase where I hated my mom and thought she knew nothing. Now I consider her one of my best friends and I turn to her in times of doubt. I may not have shown her much love from the age of 13 to probably 17 or 18. But I needed her and I loved her.

I need her now more than ever.

Everyone Needs To Hear This

Dads need to hear it too. 

You are loved!

Even on the days when you feel guilty about working all the time and not spending enough time playing catch or eating dinner with your family. You’re doing a good job and your family needs you!

Brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, nephews, nieces, friends, grandparents- you are loved too.

Everyone is loved and serves a purpose on this earth, even if you don’t feel it right now.

In your darkest hour, you may not be able to see what that purpose is. But I promise, you have a purpose!

Please don’t give up. Reach out for help. Find a reason to live and remember that you are loved.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that suicidal thoughts, much like mental health conditions, can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. In fact, suicide is often the result of an untreated mental health condition.

Suicidal thoughts, although common, should not be considered normal and often indicate more serious issues.

The month of September is spent to increase awareness, decrease the stigma, and provide resources for those who are affected by suicide. 

Below are the steps that NAMI lists to take in crisis situations:

  • If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call 911 immediately.
  • If you’re in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255).
  • You can also text NAMI at 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.

Even after I wrote this, I was doubting whether or not I should post it.

Then when I was getting dressed this morning, I saw three words stitched on the inside of my leggings. The words You Are Loved. I have at least 4 other pairs of black leggings, but these are the ones that I picked up to wear today. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.

Please reach out for help if you or someone you know is suffering. They don’t need to suffer in silence anymore.

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Self Care For Busy Moms- My Top 8 Tips

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 25 Comments

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. As an affiliate, I earn commission on qualifying purchases.

Engaging in self care can be so hard when you’re a busy mom. We get so busy taking care of our kids, that we often forget to take care of ourselves. But if we don’t, stress builds up and our families suffer!

Self care for busy moms means remembering to feed ourselves, getting enough sleep and loving ourselves despite our mistakes and flaws.

How many times have you heard a new mom say they forgot to eat lunch?

I struggle with this myself, but one thing that has helped me is to make a list of activities that are instant mood lifters. That way when I do have time to myself I don’t end up wasting it trying to figure out what to do. Or I don’t waste it by doing chores around the house instead of taking time to relax.

When I was a child therapist, I often used I used the metaphor of the oxygen mask with parents. When you fly on an airplane they tell you during the safety announcement that if you’re traveling with small children you should put on your own oxygen mask and then help your children put theirs on. That’s because if you don’t, you will pass out and won’t be able to help your kids.

Here are 8 SELF-CARE TIPS for busy moms:

1. Exercise

I love to run and always feel better after I do. Running increases the endorphins that boost seratonin in your brain. Serotonin is known as the “don’t worry be happy” neurotransmitter.

Sometimes exercise can even be more effective than medication at increasing seratonin levels. If I don’t feel like running, I still put my running shoes on and go for a walk.

running is one to get self care for busy moms

2. Write In A Journal

Writing can be very therapeutic for me, when I actually slow down enough to do it. This is a big part of why I enjoy blogging.

When I journal, I try to just write whatever comes to my mind and not worry about if it even makes sense. My journaling is for me and not for anyone else to read. This can be a really powerful self care tool for moms who feel isolated much of the time.

3. Deep Breathing

Our brains need oxygen to function properly. Most of us don’t get enough oxygen to keep stress at bay by the breath that we take day to day.

There are some great relaxation apps out there, but my current favorite is the Breathe app on my Apple Watch. It guides me through a deep breathing exercise for one minute, and vibrates when I should exhale. The best part is that my watch reminds me to do the exercise every day so I don’t forget.

4. Yoga

Yoga has so many health benefits, but the biggest one for me is how it forces me to unplug from technology and focus on my breathing.

I really enjoy taking a yoga class at my gym that’s an hour long since sometimes it takes me a while to clear my head. The instructor has a very soothing voice. She uses guided meditation along with relaxing music to help you center and ground yourself.

5. Get Some Vitamin D

Our bodies need vitamin D to produce that “happy” chemical serotonin that I mentioned before. Low levels of vitamin D have been linked to Seasonal Affective Disorder, a mood disorder featuring depressive symptoms that occurs during the dark times of the year where there is little sunshine.

We can get vitamin D naturally though sunlight, but for most people that’s not enough. I take vitamin D at least October- March, but recently have been taking it year round and it’s really helped me.

Talk to your doctor if you’re concerned about your vitamin level and they can run bloodwork to see if it’s low.

a girl reading a book- a good way to engage in self care for busy moms

6. Read A Book

There’s nothing like a great book to take you away to another place for a while. I check out books digitally for free from my local library using an app called Libby.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is a great book that helps you see how small changes can make a big difference on your outlook of life and lead to a better version of you.  

7. Try Aromatherapy

I love to take a warm bath with lavender oil or yummy smelling candles burning. Cedarwood is another essential oil that helps me relax. I put it on my forearms and take some deep breaths until I start to feel calm.

candles are a great way to engage in self care for busy moms

8. Seek Professional Help

As a former therapist, I am a big proponent of seeking therapy when you need it. Unfortunately there is a stigma surrounding mental health and too many people suffer in silence. 

A mental health therapist can be a good resource for helping you talk through challenging seasons in your life. They can also keep you accountable to make sure you are engaging in self care. Psychology Today is a great resource for finding counselors in your area. 

I’ve written several posts about how I’ve dealt with my own depression and anxiety. Here are a few that you might find helpful if you’re struggling:

 Living With Anxiety and Depression In Times of Extreme Uncertainty

My Anxious Life

How Running Saved Me

May The Force Be With You

These are some of my top choices for self care that help me make sure I’m getting enough oxygen. I’m always working on growing this list. I’d love for you to share your favorite self-care tips for busy moms in the comments!

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