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The Best Positive Parenting Strategy For Getting Kids To Listen

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 11 Comments

Recently I polled my readers in my facebook group about what parenting topic they’d like to read about. Several moms responded with something to the tune of, “Help me with my stubborn child!” I had to laugh because I didn’t really have an answer. This is something I struggle with almost daily.

I think that’s mainly due to the fact that I myself can be pretty stubborn. My husband and I butt heads, because we are both stubborn and neither one of us wants to give in even when we’re wrong. So unfortunately I think my children are doomed to inherit some of our stubborn traits.

Being stubborn or strong-willed as a child isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. It could even be an indicator of future success according to a research study published by the American Psychological Association. But as a parent it can be really frustrating. Approaching stubbornness using positive parenting solutions can help.

I’ll never forget a time years ago when a mom I was babysitting for asked her son if he wanted a spanking. I laughed to myself when he said yes. Then he continued to misbehave and she had backed herself into a corner.

The only way she could deal with his misbehavior in that moment was to spank him. The option for him to make a good choice and change his behavior was pretty slim, since she had already set him up to fail.

Granted, he could have said no and made the decision to stop throwing toys at his brother, but he didn’t. Sometimes the way we say things as parents can set our kids up to fail and we don’t even realize it.

Different Parenting Styles

Just like the world is full of different types of people, there are different styles for parenting kids. Depending on your personality and your upbringing you may lean towards one or the other.

I prefer to use logical consequences and positive parenting styles. Since I’m realizing my kids have sensitive personalities, I also try to avoid yelling as much as possible. (Although, let’s be real, I do lose my cool and yell sometimes, especially when I’m trying to get them out the door.)

I also don’t believe in spanking my children. I’m not going to get into too much detail about why now, but I don’t think it helps. I also don’t want my children to grow up to be afraid of me.

When I was working towards becoming a registered play therapist, I learned about child psychologist Garry Landreth. I quickly realized that the way he approached parenting and therapy with children aligned with me. He believes that if we can understand the way a child sees the world, then it will help us understand why they behave the way they do.

The Choices, Cookies, & Kids Method

Landreth developed the positive parenting solution Choices, Cookies, & Kids when his 3 year old daughter had her hand in the cookie jar. He realized that in order for her to become a successful adult later in life, she needed to learn how to make the right choice on her own.

So instead of blurting out his usual response, “No, you can’t eat all the cookies,” he decided to give her a choice. He told her that she could choose to eat 1 cookie or that she could choose to eat none of the cookies.

Choices, Cookies & Kids involves using statements that help your child learn how to control their own behavior. If we are always telling our children what they can and can’t do, they’ll never learn resposibility. And it will be harder for them to know how to react when we aren’t there to tell them what to do.

HOW TO OFFER CHOICES:

  1. Offer two choices. One of the choices will be the “right choice” and one will be the “wrong choice” that will result in a consequence.
  2. Follow through with the consequence. Make sure to do what you said you would if your child chooses the wrong choice.

For example: Instead of saying, “Do you want a spanking?” the mom I mentioned before could have said this:

“It’s not ok to throw toys at your brother. You have two choices:

1). You can either play nicely with your cars and choose to continue playing with them,

OR

2) You can choose to keep throwing cars at your brother and choose to have them taken away.”

Notice, how many times I used the word choice or choose. This is key, because it reminds your child that you are putting the responsibility on them.

USING CHOICES TO MANAGE TANTRUMS:

Now let’s say that your child is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, because they want you to buy them a toy. If you wanted to use this method instead of simply saying no, you would say something like this:

“I can see that you really want a toy, but we’re not getting any toys today. If you choose to scream you will be choosing not to watch tv for the rest of the day. If you choose NOT to scream and yell, you will be choosing to watch TV when we get home.”

If your child continues to throw a fit, then you would respond with, “You’ve chosen to give up TV for the rest of the day.”

If your child stops crying and calms down, then you would say, “You’ve chosen not to yell and scream, and now you can watch TV today!”

** You can use whichever consequence will have the most affect on your child. I allow my kids 1 hour of “tech time” a day and they really look forward to it. So I use this consequence most of the time, because I know it will usually work.

MAKING IT WORK

Be sure to be consistent and follow through with the consequence. If you don’t do what you’ve said you are going to do and allow your child to watch tv later in the day, this won’t work.

This may be really hard at first. It may seem like it’s too much trouble and you might feel like it would be easier to revert back to your old way of handling misbehavior. Any change is hard and your child will need to see you follow through with this technique a few times before they learn how it works.

IT’S WORTH IT

For me, the challenge to adjust my thinking is worth it. Using positive parenting strategies helps strengthen my relationship with my kids, because they feel heard and understood. When I’m using these positive strategies instead of reverting to yelling and threatening, everyone in my family is happier! Who doesn’t want that?

Let me know in the comments if you try this and how it works!

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6 Reasons To Stop Cleaning Your House Before Play Dates

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 21 Comments

Ok I know what you’re probably thinking. Not another one of those blogs where she tells me to do the opposite of what I really should do- like the one about how to have fun at the playground. Because, why would I tell you to stop cleaning your house?

I’m serious this time though. Let me tell you why.

I’m in a local moms club and we have play groups where groups of us with kids who are close in age meet up once a week. A few months ago, I was at playgroup at a friend’s house. One of the other moms commented on how clean the house was.

She said, “It looks like no kids live here! I really wish other moms wouldn’t clean up so much before we come over. It just makes me feel worse about how messy my house is!”

This is not the first time I’ve heard a mom say that. In fact I remember hearing people say the same thing when I started doing playgroups almost 5 years ago. As much as I agree, it’s so hard for me to do!

I remember a few years ago when my son had his first play date without me at a friend’s house. It looked like a cheerio bomb had gone off and there were toys everywhere.

At first I was a little shocked, but then the mom apologized for the state of her home. In my head I was thinking, “Thank you! Thank you for not cleaning up. Thank you for making me feel better about my own house.”

Stop Obsessing Over The Mess

Yesterday, a mom friend and her two kids were coming over for a playdate. All day I was obsessing about what a mess my house was. I started to notice all the piles of board games and coloring books that I needed to go through and reorganize.

stop cleaning your house before play dates because it will just get messy again

Then I realized I was letting myself get too stressed out about cleaning my house for a play date.

I remembered the conversation I had with my friend at playgroup and decided to try to let some of the mess go. Of course I ended up still cleaning up some of it. But I took some of the pressure off myself for my house to be spotless.

The funny thing is, when my friend came over I really don’t think she even noticed the mess. I had planned to apologize to her about how my house was a disaster, but when I looked around it didn’t even look that bad!

The more I think about this, there are so many reasons you shouldn’t clean your house before a play date. Here are just a few:

WHY YOU SHOULD STOP CLEANING YOUR HOUSE BEFORE PLAY DATES

It Makes Others Feel Guilty

If you host a play date at your house and it’s spotless, your friends will probably feel like my mom friend did at play group.

They might wonder how you have it all together and question why they can’t seem to ever keep their own house clean. Outside of their being food all over the floor and bugs everywhere, your friends will feel more comfortable if it’s a little messy!

Someone Has To Break The Cycle

It only takes one person in your circle of friends to not clean their house before the play date to give others permission to do the same. But if you do clean up, then the cycle will keep going and everyone else will feel like they have to. So, be the one to break the cycle.

As hard as it is sometimes, it actually feels pretty liberating to let some of the mess go. Plus, if your friends are going to judge you for the state of your house cleanliness, are they really true friends anyway?

It Takes Away From Your Kids

Always stressing out about cleaning your house takes away from the time that you could be spending with your kids.

No mom has ever looked back on her life and regretted spending too much time with her kids.

As hard as it is to let the mess go in the moment, you will miss out on so many experiences with your family if your constantly cleaning.

It’s Just Going To Get Messy Again

Unfortunately, even if you do clean up, your house is just going to get messy again. A fun play date ends with toys everywhere and dress-up clothes off their hangers. It means that the toys were actually played with.

Kids making a mess on a playdate which is why you should stop cleaning your house before playdates

No One Will Notice Your Mess

We always notice the things we don’t like about ourselves more than others do. The same goes for the things we don’t like about our homes. Chances are no one but you will notice the crayon marking on the wall behind your couch or the crumbs of food under your dining room table.

Yesterday, my friend never batted an eye about the mess in my house. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought anyway.

Too Clean Is Not Realistic

Do you really want your friends wondering if you actually live there because your house is TOO clean? Kids learn by making messes. They wouldn’t have the experience of making cookies with you if you didn’t let them make a mess in the kitchen with the flour.

Kids make a mess when they play too. They have to dump out the whole bin of action figures to find the exact one they are looking for. They need to line up every single hot wheels car to have a car race, or else it just isn’t the same! Let them live!

We might have a slight toy car addiction!

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A Mom’s Guide to Making a Day At The Playground Fun

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 11 Comments

A few weeks ago, my kids had a long weekend off so we went to a playground that we don’t normally get to go to.

I was so excited, because in my mind I pictured it to be much bigger and to have some really cool features that most playgrounds don’t have. I thought they would be so excited. We did have a good time, but it didn’t really go like I expected.

I had to pee immediately after we got there, but of course the bathroom was really far from the playground. I tried to hold it for as long as I could, but I was so uncomfortable. Eventually, I had to drag my kids with me to the bathroom. They were so upset with me that you would have thought I was taking away their favorite toy.

Despite this little mistake, I can still say that I’ve learned a few things over the years about what makes a playground fun. I’ve also learned what not to do. Of course, like most things in parenting, there’s always room to learn more!

So here are 7 things to do to make sure your kids have fun at the playground: 

1. Drink Lots of Coffee 

Drinking lots of coffee before an outing with your kids is really tempting because you need energy to keep up with your kids. When taking your kids to a playground it’s especially tempting because they’ll want you to play with them. Even though you might be bringing your kids to a playground so that you can get a break, they WILL want you to play with them.

Drinking at least 3 cups of coffee will ensure that you have enough energy to do this. It will also mean that you will need to pee. You’ll have to drag your kids with you to the bathroom, because of course you can’t leave them there to play unsupervised. Your kids will be so happy that they’ll forget they’re even at the playground!

2. There Can’t Be Bathrooms Nearby

Since you’ve fueled up on coffee, no matter how many times you pee before you leave the house you’ll need to go again once you get there. Our bladders as moms went through the ringer when we were pregnant and the aforementioned children sat on them for 9 months. It’s ok though. Moms are used to having to hold it when we have to go.

Also, if you really want to have a good time at the playground make sure to bring your potty-training toddler to a place that doesn’t even have a bathroom! This is the best recipe for fun!

3. Don’t Bring Any Snacks

Your kids will surely be hungry the minute you step foot out of the car, even though they will have just eaten breakfast. Be sure not to pack enough snacks so they’ll whine about how hungry they are the entire time you’re there.

Definitely don’t bring a variety of snacks, because your child will never change their mind and refuse to eat the food that was their favorite the day before. 

4. Don’t Pack Any Extra Clothes

This tip is mostly for the moms with younger kids. Make sure not to bring any extra clothes. You never know when there’s going to be a potty accident and your child will need a fresh outfit.

Plus, I remember the times when my toddler had a meltdown because he dumped water on himself and then no longer wanted to wear his shirt because it was soaking wet.

Older kids will sometimes need a change of clothes too. They might go down a wet slide or decide to play in the stream if the playground has one. Or if you misjudge the weather and 74 degrees actually “feels like” 59, you’ll wish you had jackets.  

So if you want to ensure a fun day at the playground, make sure you aren’t prepared for any of these situations. 

5. Choose A Playground Without Any Shade

In the summer, you’ll want to make sure that you find the hottest playground you can! That means find one without any shade. Fortunately there are plenty of this type of playgrounds around so you won’t have a hard time with this one.

6. Don’t Give A 10 Minute Warning

If you want your kids to have the best day ever, do this one thing. Be sure to grab them in the middle of their fun and tell them it’s time to go. Don’t give them a 10 minute warning so they can finish up their game or go down the slide one last time.

Kids playing on a playground

7. Don’t Invite Any Friends

Hopefully by now you’ve caught on that I’ve been giving you bad advice. So if you’re smart enough to do the opposite of what I’m saying, you’ll make sure to invite friends to meet you at the playground. This will actually solve most of your problems.

Your kids will have someone to play with and will stop bugging you to play Hide And Seek Tag. You will also have someone to watch your kids while you run to the bathroom, and you might even be able to bum a few snacks off of them.  

If you have a clothing emergency, chances are your friend will have a backup to share. Plus, when it’s time to go home, you can make sure to coordinate with your friends to leave at the same time. This is why finding your village, is such an important part of being a mom! Your mom friends are always there to back you up!

I hope you can learn from my mistakes and help your kids have the best day ever the next time you go to a playground!

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You’re Doing It Right Momma

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 9 Comments

Last week I had back to back school conferences with both of my kids’ teachers. I didn’t plan it this way. I didn’t actually realize what I’d done until I got a reminder email from one of them. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

You see, the day prior I had one of those days where I felt like a failure as a mom. We had been at a birthday party where there was a piñata. I like piñatas because my kids LOVE piñatas. They go all out crazy anytime there is one.

My oldest takes it one step further than most though. Granted he was literally the 2nd oldest kid at the party and the tallest by at least 4 inches, but he truly let his greedy side show up to this piñata party.

Once the piñata was busted, the chaos ensued and the feeding frenzy began. After what had to have been no more than 2 minutes, my child walked away with about a pound of candy and toy trinkets. There were probably half a dozen other kids crying that they didn’t get a single thing!

Even though the competitive side of me wanted to shake my son’s hand for winning this “piñata game” and getting in there to claim his prizes, the bigger part of me was appalled.

So I did what any right minded mom would do and started grabbing handfuls of his candy to give to the less fortunate smaller kids who didn’t get any. Of course after he realized his loot was cut in half, he wasn’t happy with me and walked away pouting.

When I asked him where his goodie bag was, he said that since I gave most of his candy away he gave the little that was left to his brother and threw the bag away. This only made me feel like I had raised an even bigger brat so we left the party fighting. I complained to my husband that night and he had a talk with him about sharing.

School Conference Day

The next day, I met with my other son’s teacher first. She had only good things to say- that he’s excelling in every subject, he’s a good listener, and is a joy to have in class. She asked what we were doing, because she wanted to do the same thing when she has kids of her own one day.

Then, I met with my oldest son’s teacher and she also had glowing remarks! I already knew he was doing well academically, but it was her comment about his character that really surprised me. To be completely honest I know he’s a good kid, but I didn’t expect her to say that he was one of only a few students she’s ever had who is truly a good person.

I needed to hear these things. It’s not that I don’t think I’m a good mom. I know I’m doing an ok job, but it feels really good to hear from someone else that I’m raising such kind and considerate children. I actually felt a little guilty about getting so mad the day before. But I’ve already told you that I struggle with mom guilt. You can read all about that in my previous post here: https://momlifewithp.com/mom-guilt-how-to-deal-when-it-strikes/.

Hearing Positive Feedback From Strangers

This past weekend we were eating breakfast at a tiny crowded coffee shop in Ashville. The boys were smearing muffins into the seat cushions, standing up in their chairs, and using really loud voices. The table next to us felt so awkwardly close that I had a hard time not eavesdropping on the ladies who were sitting there.

When we were getting ready to leave, one of them looked at me and said, “You’re doing a good job. Your kids are really well behaved.” What?!?! These two? Was she in the same restaurant I was just in? I couldn’t believe she said that, but I thanked her and walked away feeling again like maybe I AM doing something right.

As moms we don’t hear what we’re doing right enough. This job doesn’t come with a yearly performance evaluation where we get a raise if we’re meeting the company’s standards. So to all the teachers out there, tell your students’ parents when they’re getting it right. Tell them as often as you can, not just once a year at the parent/teacher conference.

Husbands, tell your wives they’re good moms. It may seem obvious to you, but she needs to hear it because she doesn’t always believe it. This goes for everyone, if you see a mom in public tell her she’s doing a good job. Even if her kids aren’t being perfect angels. If they’re eating their food and not throwing it at you, she needs to know she’s not screwing it all up.

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Momma, Stop Putting Too Much Pressure On Yourself

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 5 Comments

I’ve been trying to come up with the perfect blog post and I realized that maybe I should share about my experience, because maybe there’s someone else out there that needs to hear this.

I’ve always been kind of a perfectionist. When I was in high school I had straight As (except for ONE B in AP Biology) and when I went to college I remember getting my first C. I was devastated and obviously will never forget it! Yet I still got my Masters degree and had plenty of success getting jobs when I graduated.

Blogging is a lot harder than it seems and some days I wonder if it’s too much for a perfectionist like me. You have to not only write good content but also figure out how to drive traffic to your blog. That means posting on social media.

So I’ve been trying to grow a following and post consistently in my facebook group and on Instagram. I’ve been trying to learn how to use Pinterest for marketing and there’s also Twitter, but I haven’t even begun to really use that! I have a goal in my head to post a certain number of times a day on each of these platforms and it adds up to a lot!

I also put pressure on myself to try to keep the house clean, make sure there aren’t dirty dishes in the sink, keep up with the laundry, cook healthy dinners, and give my kids attention when they get home from school.

On top of that, I also want to be involved at my kids’ school. So I joined the PTA and this year I agreed to take on the role of treasurer. I’ve been feeling guilty about not keeping the records up to date and having our available balance on the top of my head to tell the President when she asks me. She doesn’t even expect that from me. I put that pressure all on myself!

I’ve also been trying to work out, because exercise makes me feel better and releases stress, but I have to find time to fit it in. If I go to the gym, that takes up a big chunk of my day, causing me to feel more pressure to fit in the other things on my to-do list in a shorter time period.

Today I went for a walk, and I kept thinking that I needed to run because I wasn’t going to burn enough calories if I walked the whole time. I was meeting a friend for lunch so I only had a limited amount of time and I could run further than I could walk in that time.

So I was running for 1 minute intervals and then walking until I felt like I could run more. After about 20 minutes of doing this, I had the thought that I should stop putting so much pressure on myself, even in my work out. I decided to walk and just try to enjoy the moment.

When I allowed myself to walk the whole way instead of trying so hard to keep up with my run/walk/run intervals, that’s when my thoughts cleared and I started to have ideas for what I could write about. I finally thought of the answer to the parenting question that was posted in my facebook group.

The reality is, I can’t be perfect at all of these things! No one can be perfect at everything. If I keep putting pressure on myself to be perfect at all of them, I’ll end up burning out and not being very good at anything. But once I took some of the pressure off myself, I was able to do one of the things I wanted to do.

Wonder Woman is my favorite super hero, partly because I want to be like her. She has super human strength and can do anything. But I have to remember that she’s not real. She’s a comic book character. It’s not realistic for me to conquer everything and to be perfect at all of it. The perfect mom doesn’t exist!!!

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When Life Throws You Lemons, It’s Ok To Not Make The Lemonade

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 6 Comments

You know that saying, “When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade?” Recently, I felt like I’d had a bucket of lemons thrown at me and this time I did’t want to be Positive Patty about my situation.

It wasn’t working overtime 3 weekends in a row in April that killed me. It wasn’t even the fact that my husband traveled 3 out of 4 weeks in May that set me over the edge.

I survived the 1st grade field trip to the Puppetry Arts Center; kudos to the teachers that take care of my kids every day. I met with both of my kids’ teachers to hear about their progress this year and helped plan the 1st grade end of the year party.

I attended the pre-k party and two awards ceremonies. Plus I toted my kids to swim practice for an hour and 45 minutes after school every day the last two weeks of school.

Then I even made dinner, put them to bed, did the dishes and laundry. All the while by myself as my husband was out of town. 

The first day of summer break started with my kids waking up at 5 a.m. and fighting non-stop.

I soon started to question my decision to go back to being a stay-at-home mom for the summer.

Then we spent the entire weekend at the pool. We got to catch up with friends and get some natural vitamin D. My son and I both were even doing back dives off the diving board.

Things were looking up.

The next day was the first “official day of Summer” (the day after Memorial Day) and my 4 year old broke his arm jumping on the bed.

Because of the severity of the break, he couldn’t get a waterproof cast. So my dreams of spending the summer at the pool with my friends went out the window faster than I can say, “Yay Summer, ” (insert eye roll).

breaking an arm is when life throws you lemons

Don’t get me wrong, I know it could be worse. I know I should be grateful  this didn’t happen during the last week of school madness.

I should be grateful it didn’t happen when my hubby was out of town. And that even though his arm is broken in two places and the bone was bent, at least the bones were still intact.

At least he still has one good arm, and he didn’t have to have surgery to put pins in, but it still sucks!

And I’m giving myself permission right now to have a little pity party that life has thrown me a bucket of lemons and to be mad about our current situation.

Tomorrow I will put my happy face back on for my boy and tell him it’s going to be ok. I’ll find something fun for us to do that doesn’t involve water or being outside in the heat. Something that doesn’t involve running, climbing or jumping.

I’ll give him an extra hug and tell him how much I love him.  That I’m here to help him navigate the challenges of playing legos, going potty, and eating ice cream with his left hand.

I’m also going to give myself grace to be ok with a little extra tech time this summer.

The grace to be a little jealous when everyone’s social media feed is covered in pool photos and we have to miss all the neighborhood pool parties.

Sometimes, when life throws you lemons, it’s ok to throw them out with the trash. You don’t always have to make lemonade.

I’m not in control.

Part of me thinks maybe God just wanted to remind me that he’s in control and I am not.

I think I jinxed myself when I had a little mommy meltdown on that first Friday school was out.

I had a “come to Jesus” meeting with my kids about how they were going to treat each other. We discussed that they were going to have to earn tech time with good behavior and doing school work.

Then 5 minutes later they were hitting each other, and I screamed, “I feel like I have no control!”

Yep, that’s what I get for trying to control my kids and make them sit quietly in the car.

The reality is that kids will be kids and all I can do is try to do the best I can.

Although this summer may not be what I had pictured in my mind, it will be ok. I’ll make the best of it. The cast is only temporary and this too shall pass.

Plus, luckily I have my village of moms to help me get through it.

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Self Care For Busy Moms- My Top 8 Tips

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 25 Comments

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. As an affiliate, I earn commission on qualifying purchases.

Engaging in self care can be so hard when you’re a busy mom. We get so busy taking care of our kids, that we often forget to take care of ourselves. But if we don’t, stress builds up and our families suffer!

Self care for busy moms means remembering to feed ourselves, getting enough sleep and loving ourselves despite our mistakes and flaws.

How many times have you heard a new mom say they forgot to eat lunch?

I struggle with this myself, but one thing that has helped me is to make a list of activities that are instant mood lifters. That way when I do have time to myself I don’t end up wasting it trying to figure out what to do. Or I don’t waste it by doing chores around the house instead of taking time to relax.

When I was a child therapist, I often used I used the metaphor of the oxygen mask with parents. When you fly on an airplane they tell you during the safety announcement that if you’re traveling with small children you should put on your own oxygen mask and then help your children put theirs on. That’s because if you don’t, you will pass out and won’t be able to help your kids.

Here are 8 SELF-CARE TIPS for busy moms:

1. Exercise

I love to run and always feel better after I do. Running increases the endorphins that boost seratonin in your brain. Serotonin is known as the “don’t worry be happy” neurotransmitter.

Sometimes exercise can even be more effective than medication at increasing seratonin levels. If I don’t feel like running, I still put my running shoes on and go for a walk.

running is one to get self care for busy moms

2. Write In A Journal

Writing can be very therapeutic for me, when I actually slow down enough to do it. This is a big part of why I enjoy blogging.

When I journal, I try to just write whatever comes to my mind and not worry about if it even makes sense. My journaling is for me and not for anyone else to read. This can be a really powerful self care tool for moms who feel isolated much of the time.

3. Deep Breathing

Our brains need oxygen to function properly. Most of us don’t get enough oxygen to keep stress at bay by the breath that we take day to day.

There are some great relaxation apps out there, but my current favorite is the Breathe app on my Apple Watch. It guides me through a deep breathing exercise for one minute, and vibrates when I should exhale. The best part is that my watch reminds me to do the exercise every day so I don’t forget.

4. Yoga

Yoga has so many health benefits, but the biggest one for me is how it forces me to unplug from technology and focus on my breathing.

I really enjoy taking a yoga class at my gym that’s an hour long since sometimes it takes me a while to clear my head. The instructor has a very soothing voice. She uses guided meditation along with relaxing music to help you center and ground yourself.

5. Get Some Vitamin D

Our bodies need vitamin D to produce that “happy” chemical serotonin that I mentioned before. Low levels of vitamin D have been linked to Seasonal Affective Disorder, a mood disorder featuring depressive symptoms that occurs during the dark times of the year where there is little sunshine.

We can get vitamin D naturally though sunlight, but for most people that’s not enough. I take vitamin D at least October- March, but recently have been taking it year round and it’s really helped me.

Talk to your doctor if you’re concerned about your vitamin level and they can run bloodwork to see if it’s low.

a girl reading a book- a good way to engage in self care for busy moms

6. Read A Book

There’s nothing like a great book to take you away to another place for a while. I check out books digitally for free from my local library using an app called Libby.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is a great book that helps you see how small changes can make a big difference on your outlook of life and lead to a better version of you.  

7. Try Aromatherapy

I love to take a warm bath with lavender oil or yummy smelling candles burning. Cedarwood is another essential oil that helps me relax. I put it on my forearms and take some deep breaths until I start to feel calm.

candles are a great way to engage in self care for busy moms

8. Seek Professional Help

As a former therapist, I am a big proponent of seeking therapy when you need it. Unfortunately there is a stigma surrounding mental health and too many people suffer in silence. 

A mental health therapist can be a good resource for helping you talk through challenging seasons in your life. They can also keep you accountable to make sure you are engaging in self care. Psychology Today is a great resource for finding counselors in your area. 

I’ve written several posts about how I’ve dealt with my own depression and anxiety. Here are a few that you might find helpful if you’re struggling:

 Living With Anxiety and Depression In Times of Extreme Uncertainty

My Anxious Life

How Running Saved Me

May The Force Be With You

These are some of my top choices for self care that help me make sure I’m getting enough oxygen. I’m always working on growing this list. I’d love for you to share your favorite self-care tips for busy moms in the comments!

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6 Ways To Survive Meal Time With Picky Eaters

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 9 Comments

Inside: Meal time with kids who are picky eaters can be a challenge. Here are a few ways to make it easier for your family.

As much as I love to eat and try new foods, I don’t consider myself a good cook. I can follow a recipe, but if it has more than 5 steps I get easily overwhelmed. So when I spend the energy to make dinner for my family and they don’t like it I get more upset than I probably should.

My four year old has entered the picky eating phase. So most of the time we stick to the same 4 or 5 meals that I know everyone likes to eat- tacos, pita pizzas, spaghetti, or cheeseburgers and hotdogs. For someone who likes to try new foods, this can get very boring!

Luckily my seven-year-old went through a similar picky eating phase that he has mostly grown out of, so I know there is hope. I’ve started trying to branch out with our menus, but it feels like a never-ending battle sometimes.

boy who is a picky eater crying over a bowl of salad

Right before Thanksgiving my four-year-old made a pumpkin pie with his class at pre-k. He came home from school that day really excited about it. So I thought it would be nice to make one together for our family Thanksgiving dinner. It was a simple pumpkin pie recipe with graham cracker crust, pumpkin pie filling, instant vanilla pudding, and whipped cream.

I purchased all of the ingredients and set out to make the pie with my kids. After washing his hands, getting a band-aid for his “boo boo,” a potty break, and washing hands again, my four-year-old said to me, “Mommy I didn’t like the pie I made at school.”

Are you kidding me?

I could have let this derail me and given up on making the pie, but we made it anyway. My older son and I licked the bowl and it was quite good. I don’t even remember at this point if my four-year-old ate the pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but the rest of us enjoyed it. The point is, don’t let your tiny dictators stop you from cooking or baking what you want.

6 TIPS To Make Meal Time With Picky Eaters Easier.

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1. OFFER AT LEAST ONE THING YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS WILL LIKE

Whenever I try a new recipe that I’m not sure whether or not anyone will like, I make sure to still offer at least one thing I know the rest of my family will eat. My kids will eat just about any fruit, so we always offer fruit with every meal. This way I feel like they aren’t going to starve if they don’t eat the main course.

2. STAY POSITIVE

I know it can be frustrating and easy to raise your voice when things don’t go as planned, but engaging in a battle of the wills with your kids often doesn’t do anything other than get everyone upset. Try to start out positive, hoping that everyone will at least try what you offer.

If they don’t, it will go much smoother if your response is, “That’s ok.” It’s important for children to develop a healthy relationship with food at a young age. But if all they remember about meal time as a child was fighting, that’s not going to help.

3. TRY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

toddler who is a picky eater crying and refusing to eat

This may sound counterintuitive, but it worked for us. When my now seven-year-old was four, he would gag himself when we made him eat something he didn’t want to eat. One day, my mom said to him, “You won’t eat that!” and it had the opposite effect. He ate it!

So for several weeks we dared him not to eat his meat and it got him to try it. He realized that he loved ground beef and now his favorite food in the world is cheeseburgers. I promise there is hope for those of you out there struggling with picky eaters!

4. USE A REWARDS SYSTEM

My kids are not only competitive, but they love positive reinforcement. This can work in our favor or against us. The way we use it at mealtime is by offering a small dessert if they eat a “good” dinner. A “good” dinner to me doesn’t necessarily mean cleaning your plate, but at least trying a few bites of vegetables and every food offered.

You can also use a sticker chart and give your child a sticker for each day meal time goes well. Then when they have a certain number of stickers they can earn a reward. The reward could be something like an extra book at bedtime, a small toy, or letting them choose a family outing that weekend.

This magnetic chart is a great tool that you can use to track your child’s cooperation at meals.

It has different categories like Healthy Eating and magnets that say “I ate my veggies” and “I ate a healthy dinner.”

5. MAKE IT FUN

Kids love to play games! You can help them develop healthy eating habits and have fun at meals with games like these:

                                                

You can also get a fun plate like this one:

Who knows. Going against the rules and letting your picky eater play with their food, may be just what they need to get them to try something they don’t like. Parents.com even says it’s ok. 

The first time my youngest actually ate vegetables was when he did a taste test at school. They tried different things like carrots, peppers, lemons, and other foods with distinct tastes. Then they talked about how they tasted and drew pictures of them.  

6. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU

Too often in the beginning as a mom, I would google things like the best way to get your child to sleep and come up with so many conflicting answers that it stressed me out even more. If it works for your family to cook separate meals for your kids, do it. If you’re a believer in sending your kids to bed hungry if they don’t eat what you cook, then so be it! 

I have two very strong-willed boys, one who will sit at the table for an hour chewing the same bite just so he doesn’t have to swallow it. So forcing my kids to eat something doesn’t work for me.

Most importantly, don’t give up. If you are in the midst of the challenging phase where you dread dinnertime because you’re afraid it’s going to be a struggle, just remember this too shall pass!

Share in the comments what has helped make mealtime with the picky eaters in your family more manageable.

Dad trying to feed a toddler who is being a picky eater and refusing to eat

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How I Found My Village

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 18 Comments

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You know that saying, “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child?” It’s so true! But the thing is, like many other things about parenting, finding that village isn’t easy.

I moved to Georgia after college and I didn’t really know anyone when I moved here. After I met my husband and we got married, we only had a handful of friends who had kids. The ones who did, lived on the other side of town and we didn’t see them that often.

When I became a mom, I felt really isolated and alone.

Even though I had plenty of friends, I didn’t feel like they really understood what I was going through. I was having trouble with nursing and my baby was always hungry. Because of that, he was only taking 30 minute naps during the day and I felt like I was losing my mind.

When I went to the doctor for my postpartum check-up, she told me what I was going through was normal. Then she gave me a few recommendations to get through it.

Reaching Out To Friends

I started being more intentional about reaching out to the friends I had with kids, even if they lived in another state. 

One of my friends from college recommended I read a book called, The Girlfriends’ Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood by Vicki Lovine.

As I started to read it, I realized that everything I was going through was normal.

Around that same time, another mom friend called me on the phone. After she gave me some tips for getting the baby to take longer naps, she said, “I promise it does get easier. I wouldn’t have had another one if it didn’t!”

The more I started to reach out to other moms, the more I felt I wasn’t alone and the better I felt.

After my second child was born, I decided to be a stay at home mom.

This time around, I knew I needed to do things differently. I needed to grow my support network. So I joined a local moms’ club that had weekly playgroups broken down by ages.

That was when I really started to feel like I had a village. It took time to get to know them. I forced myself to go consistently in the beginning, and then the group of strangers started to become familiar.

The playgroups were just as much for me as they were for my kids to socialize with other kids their age.

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Help When You Need It

Last week my youngest son Charlie got really sick in the middle of the night. He woke up at 3 am burning up and had a fever of 103.5. He started crying that his stomach hurt and then ended up getting sick multiple times throughout the night.

I finally went back to sleep around 5am only to be woken up again at 5:30am by my other son Noah crying. Luckily he wasn’t sick, but was just sad that my husband was going out of town and had already left.

Charlie got sick again later that morning right before we left to take his brother to school. All I could think about was how I was going to get Gatorade to replenish his electrolytes.

We always give our kids Gatorade when they are sick, and now they expect it. Sure enough, Charlie started asking for Gatorade and we didn’t have any.

My husband had left at 5am to go to the airport for an early morning flight. I was afraid that if Charlie and I went to the store he’d get sick in the car. I didn’t want to do Instacart just for Gatorade, especially since we had just done it the day before.

A few minutes later a text thread started with some of my mom friends about a weekly playgroup that we’re a part of. I let everyone know that we wouldn’t be there that day, because Charlie was sick and of course it didn’t take long for someone to offer help.

One of my friends who lives on the other side of town offered to go to the store for me and get whatever I needed, but I felt guilty asking her to drive all the way to our house just for Gatorade.

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So I texted 3 of my mom friends who live in our neighborhood. I asked if they’d grab us some Gatorade if they were going grocery shopping that day.

It couldn’t have been 5 minutes between when I sent the text before we had several bottles sitting on our front porch. My friend who lives right down the street happened to be stocked up so she dropped some off.

By then another friend in the playgroup text thread had offered to bring Gatorade too. I know this may seem like something small, but to a mom who has been up all night with a sick child who is crying that Gatorade is the only thing that will make him feel better, it means a lot.

It means a lot to know that you aren’t alone and that you’re surrounded by people who’ve got your back. The small things add up to make the village that it takes to raise children.

What My Village Looks Like

We are fortunate enough to have our parents living close by to help out with our kids when we want to have a date night. But to me, the village that it takes to raise my children is much more than that.

  • My village is the mom who called and told me it was going to get better when she recognized the first time mom fear and uncertainty in my voice.
  • It’s the group of moms who collected money for dinner when one of the moms in our group had a sick kid for 5 days straight in a row and her husband was out of town.
  • My village is the friend who encourages me to go after my dream of starting my own blog. The one who tells me I can do it when I start to doubt myself.
  • It’s the group of mom friends who take me out to dinner so that I can vent about all the things that are getting me down.
  • It’s the friend who tells me that I’m not alone when I’m feeling like I’m feeling overwhelmed as a mom. The one who says sometimes she just wants to run away too.

I hope that if you are a mom who’s feeling isolated and alone, that you’ll make the effort to reach out to old friends who have kids.

Even if you think whatever you’re going through is unique to your situation, don’t be afraid to talk about it.

Join a mom group or find a church with a bible study for moms. Find a way to connect with other moms and build your village.

No one should have to go through motherhood alone!

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10 Tips for Surviving Road Trips With Kids

/ Mom Life Counseling, LLC / 10 Comments

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Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about taking road trips with kids. I’ll never forget the first time we took my now 9-year-old to Chattanooga for the night.

He was probably 6-months-old at the time, or whatever age it is you start teething. My husband and I wanted to get away for the weekend and Chattanooga is only a few hours from where we live.

So we found a reasonable rate for a hotel, not far from all of the restaurants and shops in the downtown area. We packed all the supplies we thought we’d need- formula, extra outfits, diapers, even extra crib sheets. We thought we had everything. So we set out for Tennessee, full of hope and a sense of adventure.

Things Don’t Always Go As Planned

An hour and a half in and we were ready to turn around and go back home. The baby cried most of the way there! We somehow came to the conclusion that he must be teething. So we found an exit with a baby store where we thought we could find something that might help.

It just so happened that there were restaurants right next to the store. We decided a little snack and maybe an adult beverage would help our moods, and it did. I don’t remember much else about that trip except that we got some sort of natural remedy for teething, some baby toys and teethers, and a sleep sack because we realized we forgot to pack one.

Since our family loves to travel, there have been many more trips and forgotten baby supplies along the way.

I’d like to think that we’ve become better packers, but in reality I think I’ve just gotten better at planning. I’ve also lowered my standards for the perfect vacation. More importantly, I know now that most everywhere we go will have a Target or Walmart nearby.

I’m going to share with you my tips for surviving road trips with kids so that you don’t make the same mistakes that I have!

10 TIPS FOR SURVIVING ROAD TRIPS WITH KIDS:

1. Start Planning Early:

I am a planner by nature, so my mind is at ease when I know where we’re going at least a few months in advance.  I also always like to make packing lists for what we’ll need to bring. When we go on road trips, we usually find a house to rent on VRBO. Most of them list any baby or kid items they already have in the house. Then I can try to borrow or buy what we might need that they don’t have.

If you’re renting a house, make sure to find out what appliances they have ahead of time. Then you can bring your own coffee if they have a coffee maker. If they have a washing machine, you can make sure to bring laundry detergent.

Toy Car on Road Trip With Kids going across a globe

2. Plan Stops Along The Way:

We usually go to the beach in Florida every summer, and it’s about an 8 hour drive (without kids). The past few times, we have stopped about an hour away from our destination at a grocery store to stock up on what we’ll need for the week. Not only does this break up the driving a little, but we can usually save a little money this way. The grocery stores near the beach usually jack their prices up. Plus, the stores at the beach are always so crowded you can barely walk, especially when it’s Spring Break or the middle of Summer.

This is where planning comes in handy and I have my trusty list of the essentials for a week of vacation with kids. We always bring a big cooler so we can buy the cold items we need. Since most places we stay at the beach have full kitchens, we tend to try to plan at least a few meals to cook there so we don’t have to fight the crowds at the restaurants every night. Eating in a few nights is another way we save a little money too.

3. Talk To Your Friends:

The beauty of technology is that you have instant access to your friends who live all over the world. More than likely, someone you know has taken their kids where you’re going before. We always like to be adventurous when we travel and try new places that we stumble upon, but it definitely helps to have a few ideas tucked away just in case you get stuck. Plus there are some restaurants or attractions you might really want to go to that might require a reservation ahead of time.

You never know, if it’s Spring Break, some of your friends might be traveling to the same area and you can plan to meet up. It can be great to meet up with other friends with kids when you’re in a different place and get a little taste of home. Plus, if your kids are like mine, they love having other kids to play with, so its instant entertainment for them.

4. Snacks, snacks, and more snacks: 

You can never have too many snacks. When my kids were babies, we had these Munchkin 2 Piece Snack Catchers. They are great because they have two handles that are easy for little hands to hold while they’re learning gross motor skills. They also have soft flexible flaps that keep snacks from dumping out, while still giving them access to get their snack without any help! They’re perfect for dry snacks like cereal or these Happy Baby Organic puffs or yogurt melts.  

Now that my boys are older, they can use a ziplock bag or these zipper reusable bags from Growing Up Green that are even better for the environment! 

I always try to pack at least a few healthy snacks since I know that it’s inevitable that we’ll give in to the plea for candy at one of our many pit stops. It makes me feel better to know that I’m at least trying to encourage some non-sugary foods. I usually let my kids help pick out some snacks to pack so that they can’t complain about their options. Although, I’ll admit this doesn’t guarantee a whine free trip.

OUR FAVORITE SNACKS FOR ROAD TRIPS WITH KIDS

  • Granola bars
  • Homemade trail mix- We like to do raisins, Cheerios, and M & Ms.
  • Applesauce pouches
  • Fruit- Apples and bananas are easy for traveling.
  • Lollipops- What kid doesn’t love candy? Lollipops tend to keep them quiet a little longer! If you want something a little healthier these Yum Earth sugar free lollipops are pretty good. My kids approve of them and they don’t even realize that they’re sugar free!
  • Try to stick with dry non sticky snacks to avoid more mess than necessary.

5. Check The Weather

Obviously the weather man isn’t always right, but it helps to know ahead of time whether or not you need to pack long sleeves and pants or shorts. Especially since kids grow so fast and you may need to get a few things ahead of the season if it will be warmer or colder where you’re going.

I always try to pack at least one jacket or pair of shorts for each person just in case there is unseasonable weather that wasn’t predicted when we get there. Again, most towns have a Walmart or Target if you get desperate. Heck you can even order Amazon and have it delivered to you at your destination!

I also recommend packing a small bag with a change of clothes and making sure it’s not buried at the bottom of your car in case of emergencies while you’re on the road. Nothing is worse than having to dig through suitcases at the rest stop when someone has a potty accident. If you’re anything like us, we pack our car to the brim. Sometimes moving one suitcase can cause everything to tumble out like dominos all over the parking lot!

6. Take A Field Trip To The Library:

I’m so blessed to have two kids who love to read and nothing is better on a long car ride than a new book. Our library allows us to check out an insane amount of books at once, which comes in handy now that my oldest is flying through chapter books.

Just make sure you keep up with them so you don’t end up having to pay the library for lost books! I also like to remind my kids that library books are only borrowed and we have to take good care of them, so that they’ll let us keep checking out more. This helps them learn how to treat books so that they last longer and teaches them responsibility.

two boys on a road trip playing with toys

7. Bring Travel Games and Accessories:

The possibilities are endless on this one. Melissa and Doug has some great books with activities for the car like Water Wow and Color Blast. My 6-year-old also loves to play with Wikki Sticks. They’re a little wax stick that your child can mold into whatever shape they want and they leave no mess. Plus they’re reusable and you can even get a book that your child can stick them to and practice their shapes, letters, or numbers. They’re great for motor skill development too!

My kids also love sticker books, coloring books, mazes, and word searches.

You can even get a little lap tray like this one that has a compartment for storing small toys like little cars or legos. Some have a pillow on the other side that makes them comfier to hold.

8. Pack A Travel Potty:

Even if your kids are past the stage of potty training, a travel potty can come in handy for those long stretches of road trips with kids where the exits are few and far between. Don’t forget to pack lots of wipes, napkins, and some sort of disposable bag to store your trash for those unavoidable messes along the way.

9. Download Movies:

Let’s face it, there are times when you’ll be desperate and you’ll have to turn on a movie for your kids. If you’re going on a long trip a 2 hour movie can go a long way. Netflix allows you to download movies to your device ahead of time so that you can just press play when you’re ready to watch.

If you have a built-in tv in your car, even better. Most libraries have DVDs that you can check out, but just pay attention to the due date. Ours only gives us a week for DVDs, but I can renew them online for another week if we’ll be gone longer than a week.

My kids usually get tired of movies after a while, so definitely don’t rely on this alone to entertain your kids.

10. Lower Your Expectations:

I know I mentioned this already, but you can’t expect road trips with kids to go as planned and for everything to be perfect. I’m not saying you can’t still have a good time, but don’t expect to come home feeling like you’ve been to the spa for a weekend.

Once I finally realized this, I was able to enjoy our vacations more- though most of the time I feel like I need a vacation after a vacation with my family. If you can, build in a little time to recharge the day after you get back from your trip before you have to go back to work. Even if it’s just a few hours to get caught up on laundry and listen to music on your headphones while you do it.

Let us know in the comments what you’ve learned from traveling with kids that you wish someone had shared with you. Happy Trails to you!

Our Favorite Things To Pack On Road Trips With Kids

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10 tips for surviving road trips with kids